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Mooning is an age old tradition dating back to 66 A.D. and it involves stripping off your clothes and either showing off your naked ass to a passersby, or running through a crowded room completely naked. The most common form of mooning is simply pulling down your pants and shoving your bare ass in someone’s face as an insult or hilarious prank. It is especially common on school trips or car rides on highly trafficked freeways, where people driving by and turning absent-mindedly to the right will see nothing but your ‘full moon.’
Of course, the more daring type of mooning, also called ‘streaking,’ usually involves getting completely naked, adorning some sort of mask or face covering, and running out into a crowded room with your penis or vagina showing. It’s much more commonly a male practice, as women tend to be more mature, and male penises look far more hilarious when they’re flopping around in a room full of onlookers. It is important to pick just the right mask for the particular event you are streaking. For example, at political gatherings a Richard Nixon mask would work quite well, as he has an enormous nose that would parallel well with your phallic member hanging out. If at a wedding, I recommend a gorilla mask or Freddy Kruger, simply for the hilarity of the contrast between a beautiful bride in white, and a hairy ape with a human cock.
If you ever decide to moon or streak while on vacation, make sure you know the laws in that country, or simply don’t get caught. In Zimbabwe, it is punishable by death or imprisonment, just for showing off your butt cheeks by wearing a loincloth that is too revealing. In Senegal, a 19-year-old student was imprisoned for one month because he showed his bare ass as part of a dare from his friends. Luckily for Americans, mooning is protected under the freedom of speech act, as it is considered a form of artistic or political expression. However, if you show even just a hint of your cock or vagina, then you’ll be arrested for indecent exposure.
The earliest known recording of a mooning incident occurred in 66 A.D and was recorded by some weird dude named Falvius. What the fuck kind of name is that? It sounds like his face would look like a labia. Anyway, apparently in 66 A.D. a roman soldier mooned some Jewish pilgrims on their way to the temple in Jerusalem, causing a riot, a swift response by the Roman military, and thousands and thousands of deaths. Imagine how many people would have died if he showed a little ball sac or Grandma’s tongue.
1. If you’re going to go mooning or streaking, make sure you wear a trench coat for the before and after moments. There’s nothing worse than trying to hail a cab when you’re completely naked outside of your ex girlfriends wedding.
2. My teacher once punished me for mooning my entire math class, by pulling down my pants and underwear, and slapping my ass in front of the whole class. Then she tried to teach me something about irony, but I didn’t get it.
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