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Third Base

Third base means oral sex. Sweet, sweet oral sex.

God loves third base, and so do we all!

It’s always a glorious moment the first time a new lover’s mouth touches your genitals. The heat and wetness of a mouth. So hot. I’m getting kind of stiff just writing about it. Yep. Full-on stiffy action happening downstairs to me right now. I can’t concentrate. I have to masturbate. Hold on…

There we go. Just had a quick wank to some Penny Flame clips. Great tits. Great oral sex skills. Did the trick. Despite my desire to nap for the next couple hours, I will instead tell you about the miracle of third base.

Third base is the first time your genitals get something other than a hand touching them. And let’s face it: we use our hands on ourselves. Anybody can touch themselves with their fingers or crank their meat with their fist. But nobody can give themselves oral sex. Well, maybe a few expert yoga masters. But fuck them.

Don’t get me wrong – I’ve tried to give myself head on many a lonely night. Pulled a couple hundred muscles in my back and neck trying. My cock is big enough that it should be possible, but thanks to years of sitting on the couch and watching TV, my flexibility is kind of pathetic. Some people can touch their toes. I can’t even touch my belly button. Ah well, it was worth it to see every episode of Barney Miller fifty times each.

For all you men and women out there, I will give you some third base tricks and tips. First and foremost is patience. Don’t go down on somebody and expect to be done in a minute. Bring a lunch. Stay for the day. It’s always frustrating when a woman is giving me head and she stops after a few bobs on the log. Similarly, women complain to me that their boyfriends immediately go right for the clit when they give them oral sex, and start off with really fast vibrations.

Guys, you have to look at a woman’s pussy like a slow cooker. It takes time to get her to top temperature. Don’t go straight for the clit. Instead, lick and kiss and suck on every other part of her pussy and taint except the clit. After ten minutes of ignoring the clit and working on her pussy, then lightly touch her clit. She’ll shudder with pleasure. Then work the whole pussy, returning to the clit every now and then, until she’s ready to cum. At that point, I like to suck her plump clit up into my mouth, and hum on it while licking it with the tip of my tongue. The woman usually grabs my ears and pulls my face deep into her sloshing pussy as she has a big orgasm in my mouth. Good times.

Women – blowjobs are simple. Make your mouth like your pussy. Wet, hot, and tight. Practice your deepthroating and always swallow. He’ll go crazy!

1. Rachael is very good at third base.

2. Freda gave the third base coach permission to round third base…on her pussy.

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First Base

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