FEATURED DEFINITION
Maha

Maha is a term used in tantric sex for the almighty one.

When you begin to try tantric sex, Maha is the goddess that you ask for guidance and direction at attaining the spiritual and physical enlightenment you seek. I took a few classes that taught tantra, and Maha was usually represented by a huge breasted figure that looks rather serene, despite the fact that she supposedly created the universe.

My girlfriend Yolanda and I quit the classes after a while because we decided to put the money towards buying a pony and a shark. We bought the pony first, and called him Tiger. It was meant to be ironic. We loved Tiger a lot. We kept him in the garage and put some space heaters in there to keep him warm. At first our neighbors complained, but Yolanda gave each of them a big bag of marijuana, which kept them happy and quiet.

After a few more months, we had enough for the shark. It was a tiger shark, and was around six feet long. We had set up an above ground pool in the backyard for him. Getting the salinity of the pool right wasn’t easy, but we were determined. We named the shark Fluffy.  The neighbors were once again concerned about our exotic pet, especially since they all had children that liked to play in our yard. Yolanda paid them all another visit, this time with some cocaine and marijuana, and they quickly shut the hell up.

We put a saddle on Fluffy the shark, and I would ride around in the pool with him. He’d get really pissed off, but since the pool was pretty confining, he couldn’t shake me off. While I rode Fluffy, Yolanda would bring Tiger out and shoot paintballs at him. We were doing a lot of meth at the time, and it made perfect sense to us.

One day, we ran out of meth. We sobered up and realized that what we were doing was irresponsible and dangerous. So, we threw Tiger into the pool and let Fluffy eat him. Then we drained the pool, killing Fluffy. Shark steaks for the whole neighborhood, and no evidence of wrong-doing!

This is a cautionary tale about staying in tantric sex classes. Finish what you start, kids.

1. Umberto was out looking for a whore one night, and he found a sexy red head with huge real tits. He hired her to come back to his place and fuck him, but his one stipulation was that she refers to him as “Maha” while he pounded her from behind. She charged him an extra fifty bucks to do it, but it was worth every penny to Umberto, whose ego soared at being called the almighty one.

2. Peter had thought he had hit the jackpot when he was stranded on a deserted island with international best-selling pop vocalist Sting. He was less pleased when Sting announced that Peter would be the “catcher” in their tantric sex sessions while they waited to get rescued. On the positive side, Sting taught him all about Maha, which was kind of interesting.

RELATED TERMS:

Abstinence

Tantric Sex