The Marquis de Sade was a French (from France – not Quebec) aristocrat that lived until the beginning of the nineteenth century. He was a kinky fucker whose depraved sexuality is forever associated with the phrase S&M. In fact, sadism is named after him (Sade). I wish there was a sexual term named after my contributions to depravity. I’ll just keep working on it, and hope history eventually appreciates the nookie nuances I’ve brought to the boudoir.
For those of you who don’t know exactly what a “Marquis” is, it’s a rank of aristocracy above a Count and a below a Duke. Yes, that means that technically the Dukes of Hazzard outrank The Count from Sesame Street. Speaking of the Dukes of Hazzard, I’d love to have sex with Daisy Duke (either incarnation, past or present, in their prime). I’d also like to have sex with Linda, the deaf woman from Sesame Street in her prime. She was cute. Plus, I could shout obscene names at her and she’d be none the wiser.
Sunny day, sweepin’ the clouds away…
But I digress. I could talk all day about women I’d like to nail in their prime, but we wouldn’t learn anything about the Marquis de Sade. Not on my watch, buddy.
So, in case you weren’t sure what “sadism” is, it’s getting sexual satisfaction from causing pain or degradation to others. I guess since I’d get sexual satisfaction by degrading Linda from Sesame Street by secretly calling her dirty names while I fucked her, technically, I’m a bit of a sadist too. Plus, I have a fully functional dungeon in my basement. Complete with a comprehensive whip collection.
The Marquis de Sade did not have a very good life, all things considered. He spent over 32 years of his life in prisons or asylums for his sexual crimes and blasphemy. He did have a lot of fun whenever he was set free from prison, and those escapades would land him right back in the slammer. He loved anal sex and shouting blasphemous things at devout Christian women. They would tell the police, and he would run for it. They’d eventually catch up with him with his dick in another whore, and put him back in prison.
His son burned his opus manuscript so that no one else would know how crazy his dad was. Too late.
I like spanking women during sex. That’s sadism!
1. The Marquis de Sade was surprised when Charlie Sheen travelled back in time in a magic Delorean and asked him if he wanted to smoke some seven gram rocks and get some prostitutes. After the initial shock, however, the two men had a freaky week-long party that would live in infamy.
2. Despite the popular conception of the Marquis de Sade as a kinky perv that liked to inflict pain and humiliation on whores, I remember him as a premier badminton coach for young women with promise.
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