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Mentulate is an adjective very few men will ever hear in their life, at least not in reference to them. Mentulate is an old fashioned term used to describe a man who is well hung, or has a gigantic cock. It was an extremely common term in Victorian novels, because during the Victorian period they had to use big words for anything dirty or sexual. Even though they always meant the exact same thing, it made the person sound a lot more intelligent and classy. Can you imagine the Queen of England asking her sex slave for a ‘rim job’ or a Cleveland steamer? She’d sound like a filthy whore. But, if she were to say, ‘pardon me, dear boy, but could you perform some analingus, or perhaps make a fecal deposit on my upper torso?’ then she’ll sound like royalty.
Now, back to the word Mentulate. Did you know that there is an actual you tube channel dedicated to the word mentulate? It’s filled with videos and montages of gigantic cocks, but unless you happen to be mentulate, then I don’t recommend watching it. It’ll ruin your day, without a doubt. You see, when we refer to someone as being mentulate, we don’t mean they have a generous 8 inches of penis. That just means you’re above average. We’re not even talking about a 9.5 incher when we call someone mentulate. We’re talking the black anacondas you see in sex shops, those massive foot long pieces of rubber hanging from the wall like dead badgers. Men who have penises that big are mentulate.
But it is vital that we remember, a flaccid penis means nothing in the world of mentulate men. Some men may be walking around with silk worm larvae on a day to day basis, but when they get aroused, suddenly they’re packing a Northern Rattler inside those tightie whities. In other words, they are ‘growers, not showers.’ These are the same men who masturbate a little bit each time they shower at the gym, because the last thing they want is for people to be thinking all they’ve got are two inches of flaccid shriveled up foreskin, when they’re clearly got at least a foot of solid meat. Strangely enough, those men always seem to be about 5 foot 2 inches tall, and scrawny as shit. But when they walk around in the showers after a pilates class, there isn’t a body builder in the place that doesn’t stare at him like he’s a Greek God.
Another strange fact about mentulate men is that they are often completely unaware of their huge endowment for the first part of their lives. Until they start showering in public facilities or getting drunk and streaking, they often spend the first 15-20 years of their life being completely unaware of what an average penis looks like. Even when they do see one of their friends dicks, they usually just pity him, assuming he got short changed.
1. A truly mentulate man never finds it necessary to talk about the size of his penis, but a man who just barely clears the high end of average will be bragging to his friends for months after he measures himself.
2. Being a mentulate man isn’t always a good thing. Virgins are absolutely terrified of them.
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