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Merkin is a term that one rarely hears anymore, but it’s been around since the 1600’s. A Merkin is a pubic hair wig for women, fake tuft of hair covering their genitalia so that women who shave appear to still have pubic hair. Now, I know what you’re thinking, why would anyone want to fake having a hairy Muff, when every guy knows that there’s nothing better than a freshly shaven, bald as a Nectarine vagina. It is true that Merkins aren’t worn quite as often today, but the original use has some validity.
In the 1600’s, Merkins were worn by prostitutes after they shaved their genitalia. Women would shave their bodies back then not for the seductive allure of men, but to combat disgusting things like pubic lice, and then cover up their baldness with a Merkin (you see, if you were bald back then, the only possible reason was lice. Those were hairy times).
Another equally disgusting reason for why women wore Merkins back in the 1600s was to cover up all kinds of sexually transmitted diseases, such as Syphilis or Herpes. In other words, the King might think he’s banging a fresh, clean hairy-muffed virgin, when in actuality he’s got tiny little crabs clinging to his testicles and pubic hair as soon as he penetrates her.
Today, Merkins are used for strange fetishes for people who want to make their vaginas and private parts look like Furbies and magic Troll Dolls, but the average person never wears a Merkin. In Hollywood, however, both men and women use merkins in films that show nude or semi-nude scenes. Apparently, they wear these testicle toupees and vagina furs to prevent inadvertent exposure of the genitalia during these soft-core grinding and penetration scenes. I have no idea how a scrap piece of fur draped over your dick or pussy can prevent the transfer of STD’s, but apparently it works. Also, if they don’t wear the Merkin, then legally for safety reasons there can be no genitalia in the shot. If there were a merkin, though, they can show brief flashes of dick and vag. So, you remember all those times as a teenager when you thought you saw a brief flash of Tom Cruises hairy cock, or Demi Moore nicely trimmed pussy? Well, you didn’t. Those were fake beaver pelts duct taped onto their genitalia.
Another interesting fact about Merkins. Did you know that when Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky had their brief affair, Clinton actually wore a Merkin the whole time? In fact, in a statement echoing his marijuana defense of “I didn’t inhale,” Clinton reported against the accusations by saying, “Yes, I had intercourse with her, but it wasn’t sex. I was wearing a Merkin the whole time.”
1. When I was snooping through my older sister’s room for some pot, I found what I thought at first was a dead muskrat with semen stains on it. Turns out it was just her Merkin. She still hadn’t told her boyfriend she has herpes.
2. If you ever decide to purchase a Merkin for yourself, make sure the drapes match the shades, if you know what I mean. There’s nothing more telling than going down on a blonde redhead.
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