Meat and Two Veg is a British expression meaning a man’s penis and two testicles. The “meat” is the man’s sausage, and his “veg” are a couple of Brussels sprouts. Or, maybe you’re “meat” is more of a cocktail wiener, and your “veg” are two big, lumpy potatoes. I don’t know. I’ve never seen you naked. Well, there was the one time in the gym locker room back in high school. But I wasn’t staring. I swear.
For me, I guess I’d have to say that my meat and two veg would most closely resemble a kielbasa and a couple water chestnuts. And the ladies love the international cuisine, believe me.
I always find it a little odd when sex organs are compared to food. Like when a woman’s tits are called melons, or her pussy is called a peach. I mean, I understand – because they go in your mouth just like food. But food you chew and swallow. You don’t do that to a boob or cunt. Not unless you are Hannibal Lector and want to go to jail.
However, by all means get your man’s cock and balls into your mouth, girls. Oral sex is one of the greatest things you can give you man. Get good at it. Read articles on the interwebs about how to do it well. Actually, if you really want to learn how to do it well, watch some oral sex videos here on orgasm.com. Porn stars know how to give great oral sex. Give the penis lots of spit, and try to get as much of it down your throat as you can. Deepthroaters get a special place in heaven when they die.
Right in between Jesus’s thighs.
Now, like I said before, just because a cock and balls are called “meat and two veg” that doesn’t mean you should treat them like foodstuff. A couple of playful, light bites can be OK, but do not over do it, ladies. Think of the cock and balls more like a Popsicle and chocolate bon-bons. Suck and lick them the live long day. Now that’s how you make you man happy. Tomorrow morning, try waking him up by putting his balls in your mouth and gently sucking them until he wakes up. He’ll appreciate it!
You don’t have to do it if he has stinky nuts in the morning. From what my girlfriends have told me, there is nothing worse than going down on a man and his junk is all smelly. They didn’t say it because I had smelly junk, but told me about their exes. Actually, my girlfriends often comment on how clean and fragrant my meat and two veg are. My secret? Bathing.
Shhhh. Don’t tell anyone.
1. Brooke Banner is my favorite porn star to watch sucking on a guy’s Meat and Two Veg. Plus, her tits are fantastic!
2. Jewish guys have kosher Meat and Two Veg.
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