A man chair is the chair that men sit in while their partner is shopping for long periods of time. They can be found in almost any clothing or shoe store. What can we, as men, do while our girlfriends or wives are shopping? We can sit in a man chair. We can read the paper, check our phone, or just relax and stare off into space. Sometimes we’re forced to nod or shake our heads when our partners come out of the dressing room in a new outfit (note: this is only fun or exciting if you’re at a lingerie store or a swim suit store), but for the most part we relinquish responsibility and expectation. The best part is that we don’t have to wander around pretending to be interested in belts or socks.
The man chair is crucial in public spaces, but there can also be a man chair in your very own home. Usually it is a lazy boy or some other type of recliner. Usually it’s huge and has nice giant armrests and perhaps a drink holder where you can conveniently place your beer. It may even have a big enough armrest to hold a plate of delicious snacks, like cheese and crackers, jerky, chips and dip, or a massive bowl of ice cream. The chair is positioned perfectly for the Sunday afternoon game (whether it’s football, baseball, or hockey) and also doubles as an island when the wife is doing her cleaning (vacuuming, dusting, sweeping, etc). Your feet are off the floor, you’re quiet and content and she can go about her business making sure the house is tidy, sparkling, and everything is in order.
This chair is your chair and when you’re sitting in it, the wife and kids know that you are not to be disturbed. It’s your private sanctuary, a place of peace and acceptance among the chaos. You read the paper there in the morning in your bathrobe and slippers. You eat your dinner there on Saturday nights while everyone else is at the table. You drink an evening beer while watching Big Bang Theory and laughing at jokes you don’t really understand. This chair makes your world a better place. It makes you a better human.
1. I fucking hate it when my wife drags me into Sears so she can go to every section, testing out all the new gadgets and trying on all the clothing items that are on sale. The worst part about Sears is that their man chairs fucking suck. They’re hard benches without any cushioning and no way to recline. Sitting in one of those is basically like sitting in a torture device. And you aren’t allowed to bring coffee into the store, let alone beer. Can’t a guy drink a Budweiser while watching the game in the electronics section while he’s wife is testing vacuum cleaners. Jesus.
2. The next time I buy a man chair I’m going for one that tilts so far back it can double as a bed.
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