Probably the most annoying part about being sexually active is having to manscape on a regular basis. For those of you who don’t know what manscaping means, it refers to trimming or “landscaping” the male body, particularly any areas that produce an excess of pubic hair, such as the balls, armpits, anus, and in some cases, the shoulders and back (usually on very white, overweight computer programmers and lumberjacks).
There are a wide variety of tools in a manscaper’s toolbox, ranging from a good old fashioned Bic razor, to their trusty, 9 speed automated shaver with a built-in beard trimmer and nose hair trimmer (which we all know is actually meant for our anus). Other methods include tweezers, hot wax (if you’ve got a lot of free time on your hands and too many women influencing your grooming/hygiene decisions), and even the odd pair of scissors from time to time.
Whatever your method, the main purpose should be to make your body look as pleasant as possible for the female eye by getting rid of that thick, black as night, curled-up pube patch that seems to sprout up all over your body like a forest of mushrooms on a log. Whether you believe it or not, NO woman actually enjoys pubic hair, no matter how much they tell you they do. Sure, lots of hippies and old fashioned women enjoy a man with a bit of scruff, or a thick beard and biker’s ponytail, but when it comes down to moistening their lips and inhaling your veiny, sweat-dried cock, the last thing they want to do is get a couple of curlers stuck between their teeth, or even worse, choke to death on a tuft of your ball hair.
So, if you ever want to get a blowjob more than once, then make sure you keep your man bush pruned on a fairly regular basis. Now, I’m not talking about scalping the poor little fella, unless of course you’re European or seeking a career in adult movies. For the average man, even taking off a few inches of flora from your hairiest of areas can make a huge difference in your sex life. So, if your wife or girlfriend doesn’t seem to like giving blowjobs, or claims that you’re “just too big to go down on,” chances are she’s just sick and tired of getting a mouth full of Chewbacca’s testicles whenever she gives you a blowjob. Next time you’re freshly showered, try taking off a couple of inches with your beard trimmer and see if that gets your wife singing a different tune. Or better yet, shave it right down to the bare skin to give that wonderfully misleading appearance of having an enormously long cock.
1. I can’t wait to get off work so I can go home, have a beer in the shower, and do a little manscape maintenance. I’ve got a hot date tonight!
2. No matter how important it is, NEVER try to manscape when you’re drunk. You’ll end up taking off a lot more than a few pubic hairs, and that’s especially dangerous if you’re already circumcised.
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