Hump day is that magical day of the week when everyone is obligated to fuck. Hump day is Wednesday. Also defined as the middle of the work week. Once you’ve made it through to the end of Wednesday, you’re over the hump of the work week. Then you can go home and hump the shit out of your husband. Some married couples only fuck on Saturday nights, but everyone should make it their business to do it on Wednesday. Not only does hump day ensure that sex will happen, the sex you have will keep you energetic and ready to make it through those last two days of work.
On hump day, you can make it special. You can come home and take a bubble bath with your significant other. You can bring home freshly cut roses and light candles and get your tits all nicely soaped up. You can rub each other’s backs in the tub or maybe massage each other’s feet. When you’re finished soaking and relaxing those sore muscles you can climb out of the tub and dry each other off. Then move on over to the bed where you can lick each other for the rest of the night. It might be a good night to bring out some extra special toys and some cute outfits. It’s probably not the best night for food or sauces or chocolate pudding just because you won’t really feel like having to change the sheets after all of that, especially since you likely have an eight a.m. meeting. But otherwise you can hump in bed, on the kitchen floor, or on the dining room table. Put on some porn and have him fuck you from behind while you’re watching other ladies get fucked from behind. Or put on some porn and you can fuck him from behind while he watched other dudes or other ladies getting fucked from behind. There are all kinds of options for hump day.
The only thing that has the potential to ruin hump day is if you have kids. Screaming whiny sticking kids who always need something from you, who demand all of your attention and energy, and who basically give nothing back in return. You may want to consider getting a babysitter and checking into a motel on Wednesday nights. Or perhaps you can designate Wednesday nights as Sleepover at Grandma’s! nights. That’s probably for the best since it would be a pain in the ass to lug all of your sex toys (including the swing) to a motel every week, plus that all adds up for one expensive hump day.
1. I can’t wait to go home and hump the shit out of my wife. I love hump day!
2. I hate being single. Everyone is so fucking excited when hump day rolls around and they get to go home and fuck their wife or husband. I just get to go home to a TV dinner and the potential for choking to death on my food and not having anyone find me for a week.
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