The Hindenburg is a move when a man or woman is so bad at giving oral sex you have to scream out “Oh! The humanity!” I can see the parallels. The Hindenburg went down. Your sex partner is going down. Yes. I like this one. Makes much more sense than calling oral sex on a man a “blow job”. After all, you’re not blowing, are you? You’re sucking.
Now then, god knows we’ve all had some terrible oral sex done to us all at one point or another. And, to be fair, screaming “Oh! The Humanity!” is much nicer and funnier than telling a person they suck at sucking. However, after you’ve screamed “Oh! The Humanity!” at someone, you should follow it up with some helpful hints about how they can improve their oral sex. In case you don’t know any tips, or how to express them clearly, here are some pointers you can give:
Oral Sex on a Man
The trick to giving oral sex to a man is to make your mouth feel like a wet, hot, tight, pussy. Do you know anybody with teeth in their pussy? No. So keep your teeth out of there. Use your tongue, lips, and cheeks only. You know why there are so many young guys hanging out at old age homes these days? It’s to get some head from the old ladies with no teeth. Gum jobs are smooth and amazing.
The second trick to giving a man oral sex is to vary it up. Don’t just suck hard and at the same pace and depth the whole time. Sometimes suck hard, but sometimes suck gentle. Sometimes suck slowly, and sometimes suck fast. Sometimes deepthroat, and sometimes focus on the head of the penis. When the guy is about to cum, suck hard, fast, and deep. Otherwise, switch shit up.
Next, make sure to work the balls, taint, and asshole. Nothing makes a blowjob feel better than when you have multiple stimulations going on simultaneously. Gently squeeze his nuts while you suck. Reach underneath and massage his taint while you’re blowing him. If he’s open minded, finger his asshole while you suck him off. Milking the prostate while you blow him will make him go crazy.
Lastly, learn how to deepthroat his junk. He will lose his mind if you deepthroat while he’s cumming.
Oral Sex on a Woman
The trick to giving oral sex to a woman is slowly teasing and building vibrations on her clit. Don’t start off licking her clit like crazy. In fact, don’t touch the clit for the first ten minutes. Focus on sucking her pussy lips and licking around the clit. By the time you touch it, she’ll go crazy.
Second, hum. The vibrations that she’ll feel when you hum on her clit are very similar to the vibrations of her vibrator.
Lastly, finger fuck her and stimulate her g-spot while you lick her clit. She’ll squirt if you do it right!
1. The virgin I fucked last night had a tight pussy, but her foreplay was terrible. I had to give her The Hindenburg.
2. Beth bit Harry’s cock while she blew him. He gave her The Hindenburg.
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