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Friend of Dorothy


A Friend of Dorothy is a clever way of referring to someone that is a homosexual man. It is based on the stereotype that all gay men love Judy Garland, who played the character of Dorothy in “The Wizard of Oz”. And since they love her platonically, she is just their friend. Hence, Friend of Dorothy.

First of all, I’d like to discuss stereotypes, and why they can sometimes be misleading. First of all, not all gay men love Judy Garland. In fact, in an informal pole I took of all the gay guys I know (about three); only one of them was crazy about Judy Garland. The other two were fans of “The Wizard of Oz”, but didn’t put Judy Garland up on some sort of Diva pedestal. The two that weren’t big fans of Judy Garland both love Bette Midler, however, as did they other gay buddy of mine. So, it might be more accurate to start calling gay men “Friends of Bette”, rather than Friends of Dorothy.

Actually, I find any sort of blanket statement about a whole group’s sexuality inherently flawed. There are so many different kinds of people, gay or straight, or bi or trans, that no single group can be painted with the same brush. For example, yes, I have a huge penis. But I don’t have large hands or feet, and I’m not African. I’m a white guy with normal hands and feet, and a huge, meaty dick. So when a woman judges me by my color or hand size or shoe size, I feel like whipping the old soldier out and saying, “See? It’s big. Don’t judge a book by its color, and don’t judge a dick by its color.”

To be honest, if a woman is looking at me to see how big my cock is, I usually picture her naked and pop a semi-chub in my pants. Then she can see for herself that it’s a whopper. Then it’s back to her place for a threesome with her husband. We work on her for a couple hours, and then they give me cab fare home. You know – an average Wednesday night at Applebee’s.

Judy Garland actually died incredibly young. She was only 47, and she died of a barbiturate overdose. If there were any REAL friends of Dorothy, she could have used them then. Did you know her real name was Francis Ethel Gumm? Yeesh. No wonder they changed her name.

Anyway, now she’s somewhere over the rainbow, which, is a symbol for homosexuality. Coincidence? Who cares. After all, we’re all just people trying to get our fucks on before we leave this blue marble for the great beyond. Right?

1. I had a feeling that Yuri was a Friend of Dorothy when he started bedazzling his sweaters with reflective sequins.

2. Lisa loved hanging out with Frank because there was no sexual drama between them. He’s a Friend of Dorothy.

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Bisexual

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