Flap Jacks are small, saggy breasts that look like soggy pancakes. In other words, volume-less, deflated tatters that hang on a woman’s chest like the melting clocks in Salvador Dali’s “Persistence of Memory”. I guess you could re-do the painting with Flap Jacks instead of clocks and call it the “Persistence of Mammary”.
God I’m good.
Flap jacks have been around since we were apes. In fact, if you ever go to the zoo, odds are that some of the older gorillas and other primate females will have some hairy flap jacks. Sometimes, if you’re lucky, they’ll be nursing, and you get to see a little gorilla baby sucking on mom’s deflated ape boob. If you’re like me, you’ll need to find the men’s room immediately for a quick masturbation release.
If zoo security gives you a hard time, tell them that if they don’t want people cranking their beef, then they should separate the nursing animals. We’re only human, and hot is hot, you know? If they insist you stop masturbating and allow you to stay in the zoo, head over to the butterfly enclosure. Them shits is beautiful. Plus, you can usually find a quiet corner in there to finish the wank off. See if you can hit a flying butterfly in mid air with your cum shot! Not one of the endangered ones. One of the monarchs. Don’t extinctify a species just for some marksmanship practice, dude.
Where was I? Ah yes – flap jacks.
The worst kind of flap jacks is when a woman’s tits really start to sag, and end up looking like crepes. They’re even thinner and grosser than flap jacks. They’re kind of fun, because, just like actual crepes, you stand at the woman’s side, and wrap one around your dick a few times like a jelly roll. Spit in the middle of it and tit fuck her one boob until you cum. Cup your hand under the other tit and catch the semen in the makeshift breast cumbowl. Then, if your lady is into it, smack her in the face with the cum-filled cumbowl tit.
She won’t be into it.
For all you guys out there, you should be aware that nature has fucked you over in your old age too. We get knee-knockers. Knee knockers are testicles that are pulled by gravity until they droop all the way to your knees. They’re great if you don’t have the budget to afford anal beads, because you can stuff those fuckers deep.
The point is, fuck a lot before you get old. It doesn’t get better with age, my friends.
1. It’s always a shame when a beautiful pair of luscious tits succumb to the gravitational pull of the same planet that helped them to evolve into such loveliness. Flap Jacks and the platypus. That’s evolution fucking with us.
2. “Breast implants are a great way to stop your tits from turning into Flap Jacks, grandma.” – Gloria Steinem
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