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French Bagel


The French Bagel consists of ejaculating into someone’s rectum and then eating the semen out of the asshole. I would advise against this maneuver unless the rectum in question was thoroughly douched and scrubbed and bleached and decontaminated and baptized and wet-vac’ed and douched again.

Then maybe.

The French Bagel is different than a Montreal Bagel in that a Montreal Bagel is a distinctive and delicious style of wood-fire baked bagel that is boiled in honey-sweetened water before being baked. If someone asks you if you want a Montreal Bagel, do not begin shooting your semen into their asshole. Could spell trouble. Cum bubble trouble.

I have a hard time even imagining myself snowballing my own semen after a chick has sucked my cock to orgasm, so the idea of munching my load out of a rectum I’ve just stretched out is also unappealing. However, sexual proclivities are as unique as my beautiful, sculpted cock. So, go for it if you want.

I suppose I see the appeal of getting a French Bagel performed on you. You’re standing there with a rectum full of hot semen, and the guy that just shot it up there wants to help you clean it out. He begins licking and sucking on your anus. Yeah, I can see how that would be pleasurable for the receiver.

My girlfriend and I have been talking a lot lately about doing analingus on each other. We already have a lot of fun with our taints (taint hickey = surefire orgasm), so the actual asshole is the next logical step for us. We plan to both get our assholes bleached together (bonding experience) and have some home enemas before we do the analingus. So, I guess, once we’ve done that, maybe French Bagels come next. We’ll see. One step at a time.

I love that the asshole is re-termed as a “bagel”. And that it is somehow “French” to eat the semen that comes out of it. Sorry, Frenchies. Not too flattering. Much less flattering than the “French” kiss, although I suppose both use the tongue quite a bit. Unless she’s a gaper, in which case you can just let gravity bring you the cum.

Gene Simmons would be great at performing the French Bagel with that big tongue of his. Speaking of, I have the biggest crush on his daughter Sophie Simmons. Gorgeous and built. I would definitely give her the French Bagel if we were dating. With respect, Gene. Or should I say, Dad.

1. After Bob came into his girlfriend’s ass, he wanted to give her some cunnilingus because he knew she hadn’t orgasmed yet. He was so blind drunk that he started giving her analingus instead. She didn’t stop him, because it felt so good, but his cum started to leak out into his mouth and he ended up giving her an accidental French Bagel.

2. The rabbi finagled a French Bagel out of Betty Grable.

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