Archive for the ‘Porn’ Category

Playing Hard To Get

Saturday, December 18th, 2010

B5350D8FD0FCF6D7137BE4D72FD8Ladies, men need to hunt and compete and win in order to feel like something is worth their effort. We women may want to be available when we like someone, but that takes away the conquest aspect for men, and then they lose interest quickly. Making a guy work for it a little will intrigue him, and his willingness to put in the effort makes it clear that he’s really interested (and not just interested in a porn fantasy). There’s a fine line to walk between playing hard to get and pushing a guy away though, so this must be handled carefully.

With cell phones, there should be no more sitting by the phone waiting for a guy to call. That’s good – go out and live a busy and exciting life. If he calls, don’t always answer. Let him leave a message and wonder a little. Call back within a reasonable period of time though – always within 24 hours. Try to answer sometimes when in a noisy spot, like a busy Starbucks or noisy store. Don’t stay on the phone very long, it’s best to just let him hear the noise in the background and promise to call back later when it’s not so noisy. He’ll realize that he’s dealing with a busy, popular woman, and all guys want to date a woman that is wanted by others.

If he calls no later than Wednesday to set up a date, go ahead and make plans. If he calls on Thursday or Friday to make a date for that weekend, be busy. Let him know politely that the weekends are usually booked solid by the middle of the week, and he has to make plans earlier. Don’t always agree to the first thing he offers. If he asks for Saturday night, ask if he’d mind doing lunch instead. Let him wonder who else might be in the picture and why they get the all important Saturday night instead of him. If he’s really interested, he’ll call earlier the following week to get the prime date slot.

Look sexy, but not slutty, and make him wait a bit for sex. Don’t be too quick to get naked – men don’t appreciate anything that they get too easily. Let the sexual tension heighten a bit before going to bed together. He’ll appreciate it more after having to win it.

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Caffeinated Loving: Porn Shunga Art As An Energy Drink

Friday, December 17th, 2010

Shunga is all about porn. Actually, when it comes down to it, Shunga means “Image of Spring” in Japanese, but essentially they are those highly erotic paintings that were made from the 16th to 18th centuries.

Okay, they might now be called erotica compared to some of the shit that we see in free porn, but they could actually get pretty explicit.

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So, just like Karma Sutra love oils, it was only a matter of time before they found a way to exploit this beautiful Japanese art into exotic products.

Shunga is a Canadian company who produces aphrodisiac oils, edible body powders, oils and creams for erotic massages, love enticing balm products, lube, and of course now, energy drinks!

Shunga has announced the creation of both a male and female sex drink, both which contain very different herbal extracts to enhance libido. Both drinks promise a whole lot, if you know what I mean. More than I thought any .75 ounce drink could ever do!

The woman’s version is supposed to increase sensitivity of the sexual region and strengthening of the vaginal wall, stimulate the central nervous system, control regulation of hormonal production and help to remove your inhibitions (nothing a little Tequila could’t do). So, basically, it makes you wild, tingly, full of hormones and strengthens your vaginal walls. Sounds like a magical drink to me!

The men’s version is supposed to help with erectile rigidity, give you a porn star style orgasm, improve hormonal levels and boost your sexual desire.

Now, you’re probably wondering if this shit even works? Well I’m going to tell you the honest truth, it doesn’t work very well, unfortunately.

A friend of mine tried out the women’s one and followed the directions on the bottle. Actually, she even double dosed herself and it had NO effect. As for me, I did as the directions said, and sadly I didn’t become a sex superhero. I told my lady friend that we should try it out and have sex with each other, but she wasn’t down for it, unfortunately.

As for the taste, don’t try it by itself. Mix it in with something else and it can be pretty tasty. As for the look, it comes in a little glass bottle and is labelled with some fancy traditional shunga art. It’s great to look at and tastes pretty good, but ultimately doesn’t work like it should.

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The Most Bizarre Dicks In History

Friday, December 17th, 2010

While penises can go anywhere from big and small to thick and thin, other’s are simply out of this world – and not just in free porn. Despite these carriers of unusual dicks being far and few, their stories are carried out in history like true legends of the past. Below, we’ll cover some of the most unusual dicks of all time. Brace yourselves, some of these gentlemen are packing a lot more than just your average rod.

Dec. 16 - The Most Bizarre Dicks In History

The Man With Double Dicks – No, I’m not making this up. Back in 1863, a man by the name of Juan Baptista dos Santos was born with two penises. But that’s not all. Suffering from diphallia, he also came equipped with three scrotums, and a third leg – which extended from the same area. In fact, his third leg had eight toes and two heels. Bringing a whole new meaning to the term “package”, Santos’ penises were also fully functional. He could pee from either and get double erections if necessary. How’s that for a visual?

The Ten Year Erection – Charles Chick Lennon, a 68 year-old man had a ten year-old erection after a penile implant surgery went terribly wrong. But that didn’t mean it was all fun, games and orgasms. Unable to do everyday activities such as riding a bike, wearing fitted trousers or swimming, Lennon became a recluse and eventually sued the doctor who messed up his penis. As a result, he won $400,000.

The Man Who Split His Penis In Two – Carl Carrol became something of a legend after infamously splitting his dick in two. And this was before the age of body modification. After being questioned over his outrageous act, he had this to say: “My decision to surgically remodel my genitals was deliberate, of deep satisfaction to me, highly exciting, sexually adventurous, and erotically exhilarating”. I guess there’s someone for everything.

The Penis Blob – Mark, a former male gigolo, found himself lacking in the girth department. His solution? Injecting saline into his penis and scrotum until he found himself with a 24 inch dong. He now refers to his dick as “The Blob”. I sense a horror/porno flick stemming out of this one.

Pickup Lines: Hip Hop Style

Thursday, December 16th, 2010

Although rappers and hip hop artists pride themselves in their ability to “fuck hoe’s and bitches”, I’d like to see how well they’d do in the real world. In fact, I’m sure that upon murmuring the first “hoe” out of their mouths, they’d be in for a slap on the face or a kick in the balls. But since they tend to treat their women likes the ladies in free porn, these “gangsters” are only scoring due to their popularity and hefty bank accounts. That’s right. I said it. Below, we’ll cover some of the most ridiculous pick-up lines in the world of rap and hip hop. While they may sound good alongside a catchy beat, applying them to reality will bring you nothing but harm.

Dec. 15 - Pickup Lines- Hip Hop Style

‘Baby Got Back’ by Sir Mix-A-Lot – While it would be next to impossible to find someone who can’t sing this entire song by heart, its lyrics certainly make us wonder why – and how – that is possible. Stating that his “anaconda don’t want none unless you’ve got buns, hun” is not only degrading to women, but quite cocky of him to say – pun totally intended. Sir Mix-A-Lot better be packing a lot of heat after making such a bold claim.

‘Back That Ass Up’ by Juvenille – I’ll start this one off by saying that nobody, under any circumstances, should ever use the following as a pick-up line: “Girl, you looks good, won’t you back that ass up? You’se a fine motherfucker, won’t you back that ass up?”. Not only will she tell you to work on your grammar but you’ll probably get a well-deserved beating.

‘Whisper’ by Yin Yang Twins – What is it about rappers and the female ass? In this instance, the Yin Yang twins made the object of their desire as clear as day with the line, “You got a sexy ass body and your ass look soft. Mind if I touch it and see if it’s soft? Naw, I’m jus plain’ less you say that I can”. Way to use the word “soft” twice, utilize poor grammar (what else is new?) and sound like a total pervert in the process. Bravo!

‘Fresh Pair of Panties On’ by Snoop Dog – Leave it up to the great ‘Snoop D.O. Double G’ to be as blunt as possible in his advances. Probably one of my favorite lines of all time, he goes on to say: “‘It’s time to slow it down, steadily grindin’ and this is, the big Doggy Dogg/And I ain’t talkin’ about no Air Force Ones/ I just gotta know, before you let me get some…Do you have a fresh pair of panties on?”. Ah yes, nothing like asking a stranger if she has “fresh panties” on. You’re the man, Snoop.

Online Flirting: It’s All About The Lips

Thursday, December 16th, 2010

Dec 15 orgasm.com1We all know that it’s incredibly easy for guys to fuck things up when they’re trying to flirt with girls. It actually takes a lot of brains to come up with the right lines and we’ve realized that the women we come into contact with are a lot harder to crack compared to the easy and cheesy lines that actually work when we watch the guys picking up the gals in free porn.

One of the most recent surveys conducted in the world of online dating and flirting has found that the absolute best internet chat up line for men to use is: “You have beautiful lips.”

According to the director of marketing from a predominant online dating service, he says, “we have found the Holy Grail of flirting.”

The research analyses the success rates of opening lines from about 200,000 online flirtations in 11 languages over the course of one month to come up with the “compliment success index.”

The users on the site were asked to use one of 12 different chat pick up lines. Each one complimented a part of a woman’s body or appearance, from her tits, to her hair.

The research measured the success rate of each line in two different ways: first, their success of creating any response at all; second, their success at launching a longer conversation. Which means one that goes back and forth at least four times- and that’s a lot for some of these poor bastards!

When it came down to it, complimenting a woman’s lips was the most successful overall. When it came to Dutch and Portuguese women, they mostly preferred: “you have beautiful ears”, that just goes to show how weird they are!

“What many women want is for men to take the initiative and not be wishy-washy. A lot of men on dating sites send a sort of generic message and women recognize something that hasn’t been customised for them.”

According to David Givens, the author of the book, “Love Signals: A Practical Guide to the Body Language of Courtship” said the results totally made sense because women tend to focus a lot of attention on their lips.

“From adolescence onwards, they cosmetically adorn their lips, applying lipstick and colors. They have been doing so since ancient Egypt.”

So guys, you want to get a date or you want to get fucked, you know what to say; anything that has to do with her lips should get you what you want!

Sex In Video Games

Wednesday, December 15th, 2010

Dec. 14 - Sex In Video GamesIt’s no news that sex and video games are now walking hand in hand. After all, what better way to attract young – and old – men then by combining gaming and sex in one lovely package?It eventually even leave free porn hanging on for dear life.

However, adding sex to play is no easy feat for video game developers. Often faced with the challenge of keeping things ‘kid-friendly’, many production companies now find themselves hovering over a thin line of appropriateness. Below, we’ll cover some of the titles that managed to pull this off. Though not entirely politically correct, the following games have set the tone of what’s to come in the future of sex in video games.

1. Bayonetta – This action game features everything men love about women – minus the actual sex. However, it’s the games ability to be incredibly sexual without showcasing sex that makes it so appealing. Focused around a sinfully attractive witch with a thirst for blood and revenge, Bayonetta fits the bill of ‘sexy’ in more ways that one. If anything, her skin tight black latex suit and killer ass should be enough to keep you entertained.

2. Fallout: New Vegas – If what you want is full-on sexual content, then look no further than Fallout: New Vegas. Allowing you to do everything from stealing a man’s spouse to seducing strangers, the focal point is even more lewd – trying to lure mutants and humans into prostitution. Call it sci-fi pimping if you will, but Fallout is the closest you’ll ever get to having sex with a robot.

3. Mass Effect 2 – Taking place on a spaceship and satisfying every sci-fi aficionado, one of the best parts of the game involves a sex scene between the captain and his fellow partner. And for those who enjoy a bit of sexual gruesomeness, Samara – an asari Justicar – actually kills her victims by incinerating their insides through intercourse. Let’s just be glad that doesn’t happen in real life.

4. Heavy Rain – This interactive fictional game manages to cross the line by featuring a insinuative rape scene where you can undo the victims bra, forcefully kiss her and even change sexual positions. While I don’t exactly agree to such drastic measures, this depiction is a perfect example of how sex can impact the world of video games. Even in poor light.

Cunnilingus Could Save The World

Wednesday, December 15th, 2010

images-1It simply might come down to something a woman might want so much because she can’t do it for herself. Sure men seek our blow-jobs all the time for this reason, but a blowjob is almost common place-it certainly is in porn – where cunnilingus isn’t something women talk too much about, or at least not to their lovers, but they do want it. In some cases the only way a woman can come with a partner is if that partner licks her clit or kisses her labia. But so many women are turned off to their partner’s lack of dropping or their own fear about their scent that they don’t ask for what they really need.

But cunnilingus could save the world …or at least some staid relationships. A man eating pussy will learn the nuisances of the vagina. He will get down close to it. See it for what it is and the veil of mystery of the folds, ridges, valleys and tips of flesh that is a woman’s vagina will be revealed. Though the man who goes down might not come away knowing his date any better having been down on her muffin but he will have a new perspective that what the woman has in her pants is not some unknown crevice where his cock simply thrusts, rubs and eventually cums in or his fingers get entangled inside.

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For the woman who is having their vag eaten, licked and attended to so lovingly by her man-or woman-they know that not only do they have their man-or woman’s-attention, but that they can relax basking in a moment that is wholly about them. Selfish as it is to lie back and let someone perform oral sex on you, it is needed from time to time for each sex to take as well as give. And for all too many women, fingers are simply not adept enough and a cock too rough-and usually too intent on its intent-to really provide the adequate time and maneuvers needed to really bring her to her best orgasm. Wet to wet, soft tongue to these softest pink parts and face to genitals, there is no better way to show intimacy and a overall caring for a woman’s pleasure then to put one’s face deep in her briny scent and lick her until she thrashes about the bed in ecstasy.

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The Weirdest Sex Stories Of 2010

Sunday, December 12th, 2010

Given that the new year is just around the corner, thinking back on this year’s abundance of sex scandals brought a smirk to my face. After all, one thing is for sure – as “advanced” as our society may be, we’re still nothing but a bunch of horny folk. Has the free porn boom taught you nothing? Below, we’ll highlight some of the most bizarre sex stories of 2010. Whether they inspire or appall you, they’ll be sure to give you a good laugh nonetheless.

1. Free Room For Sex Tape – As we’ve mentioned on a previous article, Berth Bilton Jr. – son of Swedish porn mogul Berth Milton Sr. – is planning to open the first chain of ‘sex hotels’ where couples stay for free under one condition: they must be ok with being filmed having sex. While it’s not for everyone, it’s certainly something.

Dec. 9 - The Weirdest Sex Stories Of 2010

2. Horny Break In – After breaking into a house, setting up a tripod, and filming themselves having sex, a couple from Elma, Washigton was caught red-handed by a friendly neighbor. In a fit of panic, they ran way – leaving the tripod, camera and film behind for all to enjoy.

3. The Ultimate Bestiality Punishment – A young man from the village of Yeh Mbang in Indonesia gave into his bestiality tendencies by having sex with a cow. After getting caught, villagers punished him by forcing him to marry the very object of his desire. However, the ceremony ended with the drowning of the animal and a simulated drowning of the man – as a means of ‘cleansing’ his body from his bestiality offence.

4. Drastic Measures – As a means of putting a stop to her own daughter’s wedding, a deranged Russian woman called authorities and accused her of planning a terrorist attack on the very plane she was boarding to her wedding. After being escorted out of the plane and taken into interrogation, the call was eventually traced back to the soon-to-be bride’s mother, who admitted to having a distaste for Moroccans.

5. Bad Advice – After a therapist allegedly advised a man to cheat on his spouse, the couple decided to sue him on the grounds of pain and suffering. Never has the phrase “have your cake and eat it too” been so applicable.

Get It At The Drive-Thru

Saturday, December 11th, 2010

In a world where our every need can be answered with a click of a computer mouse, is it any wonder we are answering our more prurient desires first and foremost? Why leave the house to find what arouses us if we don’t need to? No matter what our specific kink-have we one-or passing thought-should we entertain more then usual-we can have what we want when we want it. And if and when we do ever venture forth for our porn movies, pics, even service providers-aren’t we now so used to the speedy return, the easy transaction, the convenient exchange, that nothing but the quickest experience will do?

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It makes sense then that sooner more then later we will be looking for drive-thru .

There are actually states in the union where one can drive their car into-INTO-a liquor store order, pay for, then be handed whatever alcohol one wants, then leave the store, all without ever leaving one’s car. Albeit a blowjob or some ass fingering might take a tad longer to complete, but the time has come to pull up outside a lighted menu screen, order some oral sex or a quick hand-job, unzip as one pulls around to the window, maybe open the car door to the full window one comes to face, surrender some money and stick one’s genitals out to be serviced! Surely, the entire sex drive-thru enterprise would be easier for a man to pay for and receive, but with us all able to get a burger or our morning coffee this way, why not sex?

And while being a hooker is illegal, might there be some unique precedent about receiving a sexual act in a car that is technically still running that would render the entire exchange free from prosecution?

The time has come to out our resources into the very next thing. To prompt people to leave their houses in this day and age is a retailer’s biggest headache. To get people to buy a dirty movie when they can just as easy download for free over the Internet are dirty movie producers’ biggest headaches. The drive-thru sex shops might in fact kill two birds with one stone; get people out for their sex and keeping them away from P.C. screens where they can too easily-and for free-download porn movies.

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The Academy Awards Of Porn

Thursday, December 9th, 2010

Every year, porn starlets from far and wide descend upon Las Vegas for the AVN Awards, which is otherwise known as the Academy Awards of Porn.

What makes the porn awards different than the Oscars, other than the hardcore sex, the bad acting, and poor production, is that as it’s very difficult to get nominated for an Academy Award and it’s incredibly easy to get nominated for a porn award.

The nominations are in! And here’s a look at some of the top nominees of the year:

Best Feature: “Malice in Lalaland”
This “Alice in Wonderland” meets “Boogie Nights” flick is shot on 35 mm, not video. Producers call it “an adult movie with mainstream ambition.” Not too mention a scene where Ron Jeremy gets shot which wearing a track suit and a hot bunny girl on girl action scene.

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Best Parody-Comedy: “The Big Lebowski: A XXX Parody”
This time around, the dude has a giant dick and this is his story: bowlers, dudes, porn lovers.

Best All Girl Group Sex Scene: “An Orgy of Exes”
I’m sure you can gather from the title what this one is about; the fantasy of a group of guys where all of their exes get together and have one great big lesbian orgy.

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Best 3D: “This Ain’t Avatar XXX 3D”
Who wouldn’t want to see two people having sex in 3D, even if it’s between two blue people.

Crossover Star of the Year: Penny Flame
This award is for the performer who gets the most mainstream attention and this one goes to “Celebrity Rehab” star Penny Flame who left porn behind and got clean, enrolled in college and turned her life around.

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Male Performer of the Year: Prince Yahshua
This prince was tragically injured in a terrible reverse cowgirl attempt fone wrong and he actually broke his penis. This guy definitely deserves this award