Sex Porn Dictionary

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Postage Slot


Taking home a strange girl from the bar, slowly undressing her, and discovering you’ve just bagged yourself a “postage slot” is like waking up Christmas morning and hearing your parents tell you that every single gift under the tree is yours. The only difference is that with a postage slot, there is absolutely no ‘unwrapping’ or digging around inside a box to find out what you have.

If you haven’t clued in yet, a postage slot is one of those rare beauties you usually only see in pornography and strip clubs, but it does exist. A postage slot refers to a woman’s vagina that has no visible outer labia or grotesque camel toe pussy lips, much like Pamela Anderson’s vagina. The origin of the name is quite obvious, since it is a perfectly designed slot with absolutely no obstacles, which just so happens to be an exact fit for your penis. The name that was given to it is not surprising, really. What man hasn’t walked by the juicy red bosom of a Canada Post mailbox, and secretly thought about fucking it? In fact, rumor has it that the postal worker in the United States who went berserk and shot all his co-workers wasn’t actually crazy or disgruntled, it was a classic case of jealousy and betrayal. Turns out, his best friend and co-worker agreed to take over his shift while he went away on vacation, but when he came back he quickly discovered that the apple of his eye postage box had been defiled repeatedly while he was away.

Sadly, the Postage Slot is not something that most men can ever expect to see in their lifetime, which is why pornography is so popular among happily married men. They realize they are never going to sleep with another woman again, eliminating their lifelong desire to stick their cock inside a perfectly shaped, lipless vagina.

Of course, that’s nothing to fear, because if your wife happens to have an enormous camel toe, then she’s not alone. There just so happens to be a fetish out there for women with extremely large outer labia. Someone who likes to fuck or go down on girls with large labia is known as being “in the trenches,” the reference being that her outer labia resembles the large, heavyweight sand bags used during the war to build trenches and barricades. The women with enormous camel toe are known as “National Guards,” because they do nothing for the average American citizen, but a handful of people out there actually think they’re ‘making a difference.’

1. The last time I was lucky enough to have sex with a postage slot, I couldn’t get an erection. I was in total awe of the beauty of something so clean and transparent.

2. Don’t confuse postage slots for female vaginal rejuvenation surgery, which has become trendy in Hollywood among MILFs. A real postage slot is all-natural. Like large tits, once you’ve had the real thing it’s extremely hard to go back to the fake ones.

RELATED TERMS:

Camel Toe

Pussy

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