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Lick Both Sides of the Stamp


To Lick Both Sides of the Stamp is a euphemism for being bisexual. In actuality, you lick both cock and pussy. But, that’s a little crude when the kids are around. So, if you want to express bisexuality without being too vulgar, feel free to use “Licks Both Sides of the Stamp” instead. Of course, the kids will wonder why anyone would lick both sides of a stamp, and then probably ask you about it. Then you’re in a bit of a pickle. Just tell them to go watch TV or clean their room. That’ll buy you some time to think up a lie.

Actually, now that I think about it, kids today wouldn’t know what the fuck a stamp is. With emails and e-billing, and e-chat, and Skype, children don’t know shit about letters and stamps. It’s too bad, since now we’re raising a generation that thinks “LOLZ” and “BRB” and “WTF” are actual expressions. Don’t get me wrong – I’m glad that the post office is becoming irrelevant. I mean, I’m sorry about all the jobs that people will end up losing, but still. I haven’t received an actual letter in years. Just junk mail. All that does is annoy me, kill trees, and add to landfills. The Onion had a funny headline that read “No One Notices Price of Stamps Now 30 Dollars”.

Funny.

I wish I was bisexual. Twice the humpy-pumps. I’d like to think that I’d be the pitcher if I was gay, since I’m obviously the pitcher in my heterosexual relationships. But, since I get my girlfriends to peg me with dildos and strap-ons, maybe I’d be a catcher. I don’t know. It’s just that dudes don’t do it for me. Frankly, I don’t know how we do it for women. Sweaty balls, hair on our asses, mustaches, etc. – they’re all just gross.

I’ve been approached by gay men before, asking if I was gay. I told them that I was flattered, but hetero. They understood, cried a little, and moved on. There is a gay actor named Terrance Stamp. I’ll bet he loves it when his lovers lick both sides of the Stamp. Ha.

Another phrase that denotes a bisexual person is calling them an AC-DC. It is also the name of a kickass rock and roll band. That’s why, if you have the choice to call a bisexual person either someone who “licks both sides of the stamp”, or an “ACDC”, I’d go with ACDC if you appreciate them. It’s just cool to be connected to a rock band.

When I pick up a slut at the bar, I like to lick both sides of the tramp.

1. Elton John confessed to Rolling Stone Magazine that he likes to Lick Both Sides of the Stamp. No women were disappointed.

2. Hugh Hefner has no time to Lick Both Sides of the Stamp. He has five twenty year-old girlfriends.

RELATED TERMS:

Bisexual

Gay

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