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Bachelor


A bachelor refers to a man who is single and has never married. People often talk about the ‘bachelor lifestyle’, or ‘living like a bachelor’ which is meant to indicate a particular household existence. Usually it’s a dude living in a studio apartment (often called ‘bachelor apartments’) with his underwear and socks littered all over the floor and his fridge full of beer and condiments and his brand new vacuum cleaner that his parents gave him four years ago that’s still in perfect condition because it’s basically never been used. He may have a cat or even a kitten and if that’s the case it’s likely that there’s litter spread all over the carpets and the litter box hasn’t been cleaned in days and the cat is getting to the point where he’s started to piss in one specific corner of the apartment.

The names for single men who have never married tend to be positive and respectful. Compare ‘eligible bachelor’ to the female version, ‘old maid’. It is obviously a much more socially accepted thing for a man to be single than a woman. Men are often seen as being conned or pushed into settling down and getting married, whereas the woman is always considered to be the one who desperately needs this lifetime commitment. Which is why everything that has to do with married and weddings is geared towards ‘the bride’ (or ‘the bride’s mother’). It’s really fucked. The funny thing is that statistically and historically, marriage has done much more for men than it ever has for women. Married men tend to be happier, more emotionally fulfilled, experience higher career achievements, live longer and get more general satisfaction out of life. Meanwhile, the reverse is true for women. This is beginning to change now, particularly since men and women are marrying much later in life so it is less likely that the woman will be required to give up as much and the domestic duties are much more equally split between men and women in relationships. Having said that, there is still a divide in unspoken ways and this goes hand in hand with the gender stereotypes that are perpetuated throughout society. Women are still expected to play the role of nurturer and men, the role of provider. Even though men can be very nurturing and women obviously can have very lucrative careers, it has been difficult for most couples to completely abandon the gendered legacy that we have been left with.

1. I’m into this dude, but he’s totally a bachelor. He’ll never want to marry me, even though he lets me shove my dick in his ass whenever I want. I pick up his dirty underwear and wash them, I grocery shop for him, and I’m on my knees for him constantly, but he just does not want to marry me. Maybe I can rufi him and marry him in Niagara Falls while he’s passed out.

2. I’ve got this sweet bachelor pad. It’s for dick only.

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