There is only one thing that comes to mind when someone says the word Gerbiling – Richard Gere. And yes, that hilariously outlandish rumor that spread all over an entire continent in less than a few weeks, (and that was BEFORE the whole you tube viral thing) is absolutely true! Back in the 1990’s, a rumor started circulating around Hollywood and eventually all of North America that famous actor Richard Gere had been admitted to a Los Angeles hospital emergency room with a small, live gerbil stuck inside his anus. According to eyewitnesses already stationed as patients in the hospital, when Mr. Gere came waddling into the emergency room he was shuffling his feet and clenching his ass cheeks like an inmate walking the lonely mile back to his bunk from the infirmary (that’s right, we’re not above ass-rape-in-jail jokes).
According to a nurse who was interviewed by orgasm.com, but chose to remain anonymous, it took thirteen nurses, one doctor, a janitor, two priests, and a yoga instructor to finally remove the poor little furry creature from the actor’s already puckered, tightly wound asshole. Apparently, when the gerbil was finally extracted using a vacuum cleaner and the back end of an ice scraper from the Doctor’s car, the poor little guy was already dead, with his fur all matted down and covered in fecal matter and anal blood. Not surprisingly, Richard Gere denies all of these claims and adamantly blames Sylvester Sallone for this ungodly rumour. However, this is most likely a case of denial and revenge on the part of Richard Gere, as these two movie stars have been sworn enemies ever since they got into a fistfight on the set of The Lords of Flatbush, and the director had to choose one of them to fire (i.e. the Gerbil hoover).
Richard Gere never quite recovered from this gerbiling incident, but it should be noted that people have been using small rodents and reptiles for years as sex toys. In fact, in Japanese prisons, female inmates have been known to catch frogs out in the yard, sneak them inside their bunks, and have ‘frog parties’ at night, where all the women take turns shoving a frog inside their vagina and letting it panic and jump around until they orgasm. If one unlucky or particularly tight inmate accidentally suffocates the frog, the rest of the inmates will beat her senseless for wasting their perfectly good sex toy before they got a chance to use it. As prison rules go, that particular woman would then become the frog, at least until she got ‘claimed’ by one of the bigger, butchier frog catchers.
1. Steve wanted to try Gerbiling with his Gay friend Gary, so he asked him if he knew a good place to find one, other than a pet store. As Gary smiled with a nod, and bent over to grab his ankles, Steve could hear the faint whimpering squeak of an anus-shrouded gerbil, known in Peru as a ‘pig in a blanket.’
2. If you’re curious about trying gerbiling, I recommend using a hamster instead. Their hair is far shorter so you won’t get near as many will knots.
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