Posts Tagged ‘Sex’

Top 5 Lines No Man Wants To Hear

Wednesday, October 27th, 2010

When it comes to dating, there are certain things that no man wants to hear. Ever. In order to keep from being totally and utterly humiliated, or just ticked off, read on for a list of the worst things that could be said to a man. Knowing them could certainly save you some face.

1. “I Only Drink Champagne” – We’ve all been there. You finally build the guts to ask that beautiful – and out-of-your-league – girl out on a date. Upon asking her what she would like to drink, she throws a bomb by claiming to only drink champagne. Great, there goes another $100. Let’s just hope you don’t end up watching free porn at the end of the night.

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2. ‘”Do Something!” – There is no appropriate time to hear those two dreaded words used in sequence. Needless to say, if you hear it mid sex, know that you need to work on your performance, and fast. In all other instances, consider your primal instincts. Men should be protective and “do things”, so start doing them before you look like a pussy.

3. “That’s Not The Right Hole’ – Whether you “casually” forgot about her distaste for anal sex or simply can’t tell the difference between the later and standard intercourse, getting a ‘that’s not the right hole” usually means your partner is already ticked off. Good luck with that.

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4. “Your Card Has Been Denied” – There is nothing more embarrassing that having a cashier suddenly announce to everyone (and their mothers) that your card has been denied. Bonus points if this happens while you’re with that girl that only drinks champagne. How grand that would be.

5. “Did You Just Fart?” – If you’re out in public, you can at least pretend as if it was someone else. However, if after prepping your bedroom for a night of wild sex – wine, candles and all – you decided to let one out, you might as well just send her home. Try not to eat so much rubbish next time, champ.

Homemade Kitchen Sex Toys

Wednesday, October 27th, 2010

Forget what your parents told you about not playing with your food. You’re not a little kid anymore, and incorporating food into your sex life can really spice things up.

Remember the saying, “if you can’t take the heat, then get out of the kitchen”? Well, the kitchen is about to be on fire, so put your game face on and play along.

You can try playing with food in wild ways that you’ve never dreamed of. Have fun with honey, chocolate syrup, whipped cream, or even marshmallow fluff. Carrots and cucumbers can make great penis substitutes. Have your girl use them on herself, or you take control. Remember, put a condom on it!

There’s also a lot of other things in the kitchen that can be used as sex toys, besides food.

Roll up a towel and place a plastic bag in the “tube” that the towel created. Fill the plastic bag with lube, then place it somewhere you can thrust away into.

Line a plastic cup with two thick kitchen sponges. Wet the sponges with warm water and then lube up the space between the sponges. Once again, place it somewhere and thrust away.

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Check out the freezer because ice can be amazing for sexual thrills and chills for the both of you. Tease your chick by rubbing a piece of ice, or maybe even some frozen peas along her nipples, face, arms, thighs, ass, and clit. If you have some popsicles in there, you can use one as a dildo. I know you’ve probably watched this on porn somewhere, but you have to remember to not leave it inside your chick for too long because she could get a bad case of freezer burn! They don’t tell you that in porn.

Saran Wrap can also be a kinky substitute. Wrap some around your girls body, and your own if you really want to be frisky. It’s a fun and easy way to create your own lingerie; it’s see through, and easy to strip off.

Instead of using the spatula to make cupcakes, bend your girl over your leg and spank her ass with it. If she’s not really into the spanking, then flip it over and use it as a homemade dildo. Make sure there are no sharp edges on the surface that could cut into skin.

Use anything that is electrical as a vibrator. Place it on your girls pussy and she will completely enjoy herself. Once again, remember to use your common sense and play safe.

After you’ve broken in your kitchen and used it as the sexual haven that it is intended for, have your girl make you dinner. Skip dessert, and move into another room in the house and use everything in it for your sexual pleasure.

Simple Sex Is One Of Life’s Greatest Pleasures

Tuesday, October 26th, 2010

If there’s anything that certain about sex, it’s that it can complicate life and relationships. Sex is messy: it controls our actions and often leads to places we’d otherwise avoid. Despite this, no one goes out of their way to avoid sex – in fact nearly everyone embraces sex in their own way. So how do you choose what you’d like?

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Internet porn has made sex easy, not to mention accessible for public consumption. You don’t have to hide in a dirty bookstore to buy it anymore – and without that embarrassment people have opened up to fetishes and darker desires. Like a good meal you can have your fucking any way you like it – with whips, chains, stockings, anally, on a boat. The scenarios are endless, and often lead to an escalation in the type of behavior needed to get off.

Escalation is a key point, because although we like our ladies in thigh high stockings, and love when they suck dick in lipstick, sometimes there’s nothing better than just plain old sex. You know the kind: you strip down and bend over a big titted bitch and fuck her until she screams. Never mind acrobatics worthy of Cirque du Soleil, simple pounding is refreshing and a back to basics approach that will help you return to your roots.

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So the next time your lady comes over, smack her ass and get down to one of life’s richest pleasures: simple sex. You can thank us later.

Female Athletes: Sex-Icons In The Making?

Tuesday, October 26th, 2010

Sex sells. An old adage, yet true: sex is used to sell everything from beer to cars, and traditionally, waif-like models have been used to do it. Athletes have been increasingly sexualized however, and the 21st century has seen a rise in the number of muscled midriffs in popular culture. After all, what’s hotter than fucking a skinny model? Fucking a tight, toned and primed athlete that will rock your bed like porn star on steroids – that’s what. So let’s take a look at 4 of the hottest athletes in the world today.

Amanda Beard:

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A world class swimmer and Olympic Gold Medalist, Beard set the bar high by medalling in three consecutive Olympic Games. Moreover, she put her porn worthy body on display in Playboy, setting a precedent for other athletes trying to match her celebrity.


Lindsay Vonn
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Lindsay Vonn was lauded as America’s Winter Olympic answer to Michael Phelps in early 2010, and while she didn’t quite live up to that mantle, she did bring home a gold medal. Not only that, but she sparked jealousy in teammates and opponents alike by showing off her tight body in an alluring Sports Illustrated Swimsuit spread to coincide with the games. It’s worth finding too, especially to see her voluptuously muscled ass in action.


Alison Stokke
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While Stokke’s athletic pedigree pales in comparison on her beauty, it’s her muscular body that has everyone talking. That and the fact that she’s a pole-vaulter – prompting otherwise respectable journalists to lose their shit and crack: she could vault my pole any time. Amen!


Anna Kournikova
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These days, Kournikova is more celebrity than athlete, but she makes our list for that very reason. Anna is a modern prototype : a failed athlete who has exploited her sex appeal in Hollywood. While she’s been in a relationship with Enrique Iglesias for nearly a decade, he’s bound to come out of the closet at some point. Until then, we’ll be waiting for Anna with baited breath.

The Orgasm Guide To Water Sex

Monday, October 25th, 2010

For those who’ve tried it, you’ll know that having sex in water is not as easy as it looks in movies and porn. In fact, “submerged” sex can be incredibly dangerous for women. When looking to get wet and wild, follow these tips in order to ensure that you’re not putting yourself, or your partner, in any sort of danger.

The first thing to consider when having water sex is that condoms are significantly less effective underwater. Hot water and chlorine can have serious impacts on a condom’s durability so know that if a jimmy-hat is a necessity; perhaps it’s best to stay on dry land.

Oct. 22 - The Orgasm Guide To Water Sex

Also, don’t be quick to assume that just because you are surrounded by water, that you don’t have to worry about lubrication. Instead, water actually washes off any sort of moisture you may already have – making for an uncomfortable sex session. As an alternative, consider a non water-soluble lubricant like silicone.

For those looking to get busy in a pool; think again. Having chlorine rushing in and out of your partner’s vagina is the fastest way to infection. As for the bathtub, the same applies. Not only is it a tight squeeze – pun intended – but having soapy water inside her is bad news. Stick to the shower. That way, you’ll still get to be wet and have sex at the same time.

If you plan on getting busy at the beach, remember that salt water and vaginas don’t exactly mix. Consider engaging in some foreplay while floating around, and then take matters elsewhere. When it comes to water sex, it is always better to be safe than sorry.

A Newbie Guide To Swinging

Friday, October 22nd, 2010

Being a swinger is a lot more than just having sex with multiple partners. It’s a lifestyle. For those curious to try it, know that it involves a lot more than just heading over to your local swingers club, condoms in hand.

For starters, know that you can’t just simply stroll into a swinger’s club without a partner. However, that only applies if you are of the male variety. Single females are more than welcome to stroll in at any given time. If you don’t have a partner, your best best is to go on “single men” nights. However, expect a sausage fest. The best way to go about swinging still lies in finding a partner who is willing and able.

Oct. 21- A Newbie Guide To Swinging

Despite the vast amount of swinger’s clubs, sex mostly happens in people’s houses and occasionally in the great outdoors (eg. camping grounds). Also keep in mind that many ‘high class’ clubs are “invitation only”, though many still welcome periodic walk-ins.

Before getting down and dirty, keep in mind that swingers are not just a bunch of horny animals that will hump anything with a pulse. Men will often find a hooker or crackhead to use as a “ticket” in order to get through the door, and that is the ultimate swinger faux pas. Most swingers have a zero-tolerance policy on dubious partners. So stick to a female companion that you know and trust.

Perhaps the hardest aspect of swinging is getting your partner to agree to it in the first place. When faced with a hesitant girlfriend, here a few convincing points:

- You don’t necessarily need to have sex with anybody else (but you will be watched, it’s a bit like free porn)

- You will have a newfound appreciation towards each other once you realize how desirable you are to others

- If she is concerned about showcasing her body, assure her that swingers come in all shapes and sizes and that they most definitely don’t discriminate

- It will provide you with a good opportunity to socialize and learn more about sex

Once you’ve gotten your partner willing and ready to go, make sure that you are both in agreement over how it will go down. While some partners are ok with ‘sharing’, others just like to observe. Alternately, some like to ‘play around’ with other couples but not have sex. Whatever your swinging style, know what you are in for before walking through those doors. You don’t want to end up causing a scene when you touch another woman’s tits and your girlfriend throws a fit.

Now that you know what to expect, and what you are willing to do, it’s time to do some prep work. Start off by ensuring that you have reservations (most parties have a guest list) and that you are given guidelines into the do’s and dont’s of your club of choice. Once that’s settled, make sure to arrive with your date in hand. Having her meet you inside might not be the best idea (or they could just simply not let you in). As for the dress code, dressing sexy is appropriate, being mistaken for a prostitute is not. Some swingers also chose to bring a robe for added convenience. Whatever your choice of attire, the most important thing to remember is to clean yourself up. Brush your teeth, take care of any grooming needs and ensure that your nails are clean. If only out of respect for others.

If you’ve finally managed to get inside and you and your partner are ready to go, know that there are additional factors to keep in mind. For starters, try not to offend anybody. If approached by an overweight man you would rather die than touch, a simple “no thank you” will suffice. Staring is also not exactly a good idea. If you come across a closed bedroom, leave it that way. The best approach for newbie swingers is to make friends with an experienced couple and have them show you around. Use protection, wash your hands in between sessions and you’ll have a jolly good time.

Sex Trend Du Jour: Cuckolding

Thursday, October 21st, 2010

In what is considered to be sex for the wise, ‘cuckolding’ is the newest sex trend amongst literates. What is cuckolding, you ask? Often popular amongst older couples, the process involves allowing another man to have sex with your wife or partner, and you may have seen it in free porn.

Portrayed as the ultimate shame by none other than Chaucer and Shakespeare, it’s not exactly shocking that this trend has become such a normal practice in modern-day society. A quick browse through the internet will prove that cuckolding websites are full of husbands looking for someone who would do them the favor of screwing their wives. Not only do they sit there and watch in excitement, but they often favor men that are stronger, smarter and sexier than they are. Go figure.

What could almost be considered a form of psychological sadomasochism, the “cucks” involvement lies only in observation. They never participate. Perhaps that is the allure of the whole thing; watching but not being able to intervene. While some people love to get beaten and tortured, “cucks” get turned on by going through some serious mental anguish.

Going through such an arduous psychological process seems to be attracting intellectuals over anyone else. Flocks of cuckolding enthusiasts flood websites such as OurHotWives.org in hopes of finding a suitable partner to take over in the bedroom. In an interesting turn of events, it’s curious to note that while these men are ok with having strangers have sex with their wives, the thought of them getting involved in an emotional sense is simply unthinkable.

It is interesting to think of what this trend will lead to in the future. Whether this will become progressively more acceptable or dwindle down as yet another fad is something we will have to wait and see.

Oct. 20 - Sex Trend Du Jour- Cuckolding

Girls-On-Girls To Impress The Gentlemen

Wednesday, October 20th, 2010

After discussing porn sites with my roommate, I laughed when he told me his subject of interest revolved around lesbians. “Lesbians eating each other out; now that’s the stuff”, he said with a sparkle in his eyes. Now, I know that it’s not exactly big news that men love lesbians. Even Britney and Madonna’s infamous kiss was enough to get everyones panties in a bunch. But what is it about women making out that turns men on so much? Is it the aspect of having double the fun? You know, two being better than one? Here’s the thing though, if these lesbians are in fact lesbians, then clearly they wouldn’t want to go anywhere near a penis. Right?

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Two professors from the University of California decided to analyze this girl-on-girl business a little further. After conducting a national survey, they determined that out of all the women polled, only 2% considered themselves lesbians or bisexuals. On the other hand, 8% reported having same sex desires or engaging in same-sex frolicking. While the number certainly seems low, what’s interesting to observe is the relation between sexual preference and actual behaviors.

Another important find – that is also not exactly groundbreaking – is that the reason behind girls making out with girls lies in one thing and one thing only – impressing the boys. Add a little bit of alcohol into the mix and suddenly a girl will do just about anything to show a man just how “wild” she is. Perhaps it all boils down to the fact that a man’s role is to observe while women are to be observed.

I never said I was a feminist (after all I enjoy free porn).

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Even though men like to believe that a lesbian couple would be more than eager to jump into bed with them, chances are they wouldn’t. A pair of fake lesbians however, would love nothing more. That’s why they’re making out in the first place. So for the lez-enthusiasts out there, consider your setting before attempting to make a pass on a same-sex couple. If they’re just strolling around hand in hand not really paying you any mind, let them be. Alternately, if two girls start to make-out right in front of you, chances are it’s just a little desperate act to get your attention. And boy does it work!

There Are Two Sex Types-Which One Are You?

Tuesday, October 19th, 2010

Would you prefer to have sex in a tent in the middle of the dessert? Would you like to have it in the bathroom at the restaurant? Or, would you rather be sitting on your couch watching some must-see TV?

In a new CNN report, sexpert Ian Kerner broke sexual compatibility into two simple categories: He says either you’re a “comfort creature” or you’re a “thrill seeker” (ie. a porn enthusiast!). Apparently, there is nothing in between, and you’re either at one end of the spectrum or the other.

He backs up his theory by saying that the comfort creatures feed off routine and therefore rarely feel like switching things up in the bedroom. They tend to keep things pretty simple and rarely spice it up. While the thrill seekers like to try new things; maybe a little anal, some bondage, whatever they are interested in dabbling into.

Furthermore, sexual compatibility is highest when you mate with a like minded date. In other words, the comfort creatures feel most comfortable with fellow geeks and computer nerds per se, and thrill seekers prefer those who like their sex hot and heavy, with a side of adrenaline.

A lot of you reading this are probably wondering what would happen if a comfort creature and a thrill seeker hooked up? Would there be a catastrophic explosion? Well, Kerner says it’s usually not a huge problem. Especially if you’re in that new love, butterflies in the stomach, zone where you can’t keep your hands off each other. It’s after your hormones subside months later and doggie style sex was a thing of the past, and missionary is the go-to position.

There is some good news to these findings Kerner says. I guess that if two people of two different styles end up dating, it doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship will be doomed. You just have to be honest with your partner and express exactly what you want. If you do that, than he says that you probably wont end up having a scary sexless marriage. And let’s be honest, we definitely don’t want that!

Deforestation To Solve Prostitution Issues In Italy

Tuesday, October 19th, 2010

It seems that Italians are having quite a hard time tackling their prostitutes. The reason? Tree-lined streets are blocking their view. In an effort to fight the problem, they have come up with a controversial solution to effective hooker spotting: deforestation. The Bonifica del Tronto road, located in the Abruzzo region of Italy has long been a hot spot for call girls of all nationalities. Over 600 prostitutes from all over the world -including Nigeria, Romania, Brazil, Albany and China – have been lining the tree-filled streets which in turn makes them undetectable to security cameras, raids and patrols.

Oct. 18 - Deforestation To Solve Prostitution Issues In Italy

Angelo Di Paolo, the regional government’s public works chief, has recently decided to take drastic measures in controlling the problem. In a collaboration between provincial and municipal governments, all trees and vegetation that line the banks of the river Tronto are to be cut. Way to implement a ‘green’ attitude.

Despite not coming as a surprise, several environmental groups have spoken out against the plan which would eliminate over 69 acres of vegetation. Members from several environmental agencies have spoken to the UK Guardian claiming that the only crime committed by soon-to-be-chopped trees was offering “shelter and intimacy to sex slaves.”

Perhaps the biggest question is this: do whores really seek shelter and intimacy when roaming the streets? I highly doubt it. What they need is exposure – that why they look like the girls you see in free porn. Otherwise, how would they make any money? If they’re selling their bodies, what better way to advertise than to parade around the streets like a billboard? I’m just saying.

I highly doubt that cutting down trees will make that much of an impact on the problem. If raids and security cameras aren’t working, how about trying harder? Investing more money into the cause would certainly help. Cutting down trees, on the other hand, is a highly dubious solution to a prostitution problem. Not only will it not work, but it will also cause a huge stir amongst environmental fanatics everywhere. Certainly not worth it.