Posts Tagged ‘fucking’

Revenge Is Sweet?

Tuesday, October 5th, 2010

“You’re kidding me,” Donna replied as she and Peg Reynolds sat over coffee in Donna’s kitchen. “You mean just an hour ago he was fucking you on the trunk of the car?”

“Yep,” Peg replied. “Fifty years old and he plows me harder these days than when we were twenty five.”

“I’m totally jealous,” Donna replied. “How does a man do that at his age?”

As Peg walked home a half hour later-it really had been a full day-she thought to herself ‘How does a man do that at his age?’ The wide-hipped forty eight year old tried reasoning her husband’s newly active libido, the way his cock rose now almost every second he was around her, how he’d plundered her so deep it hurt, how she would come three to four times even before he came

A thunderbolt suddenly hit Peg and she had to steady herself on the dining room table. ”He’s having an affair!” she growled into the phone when Donna picked up her cell. “He’s having a fucking affair.”

“I didn’t want to make any accusations,” Donna replied, “but unless he’s discovered the fountain of youth, yeah, that would be my guess.”

“I’ve got to catch him,” Peg growled.

“Yes, we do,” Donna agreed.

“Do you think he’ll see her today,” Donna asked the next morning as she pulled into traffic following John’s car on his way to the office.

“He fucked me just this morning before breakfast,” Peg explained, her tiny gray eyes pinned to passing traffic before them. “He’s gonna need her bad to keep up this pace.”

“Don’t get too close,” Peg added and Donna eased off on the accelerator as John made a turn away from his office.

“Well, at least she lives in a nice place,” Donna joked as they stopped a half hour later a block away from the large house John had parked his car in front of.

“Funny,” Peg replied. “Let’s go.” The friends got out of the parked car and made their way past two manicured lawns to the spacious Tudor.

“Gonna ring the bell?” Donna asked.

“I’m not sure what I’m gonna do,” Peg whispered. “But let’s give them a few minutes to get into something.”

Five minutes later, seething and twitching at what she could only imagine, Peg instinctively reached to the front door’s handle and it actually turned! The door was unlocked, so Peg looked to Donna-who simply shrugged her shoulders- and the pair padded into the house and quietly up the stairs they faced.

“Oh, John,” a feminine voice sighed beyond the first closed door they came to. “I love when you lick me like tha…”

“W-what, who are you?” the naked young blonde with her legs spread yelled to the two women who suddenly entered her bedroom.

“Tell her, John,” Peg said.

“John?” the young woman asked, turning on her side. John stood slowly from the bed, his beautiful cock unfurling to full hardness as he did so.

‘Damn him and his big cock,’ Peg thought.

‘Damn him, he’s got a big cock,’ thought Donna.

“You like the way I fuck you, right?” the tall man began.

“What?” Peg asked, stepping back as if her husband had struck her.

“John?” the blonde on the bed asked, lying fully on her stomach now.

‘Damn, her and her perfect young ass,” Peg thought.

‘Damn, that’s a perfect ass,’ Donna mused.

“Lately, the way we’ve been, you’re getting good fuckings, right?”

“John, you’re cheating on me!” Peg screamed.

“John,” Donna tried.

“It’s all because of her,” the tall man said turning back to the beauty on the bed. The younger woman lifted her arm and gave them all a quick wave.

“Everybody in this room knows you don’t stay married to some one as long as we have been married without true, real love. This is a fling that keeps me in shape coming back to the woman I love.”

Saying all this the man stepped close enough to Peg that she could just reach out and… ”You really should consider this,” Donna interjected stepping forward. She reached down between Peg and John and grabbed the man’s wagging hard big dick.

“I’m not saying I excuse him,” Peg’s best friend continued as John held his breath. “But really this belongs to you.”

At this all the women in the room looked to the hard cock Donna was pulling on and all three ladies smiled.

Except John.

The Kama Sutra Abridged: A Lazy Man’s Bible To Sex

Monday, September 20th, 2010

With all the performance pressure placed on men in North America it’s easy to get carried away during sex. The Reverse Spoon, The Lap-Dancing Cowgirl, The Butterfly Effect – after a while it feels like like you’re dodging bullets in The Matrix. Let’s face it, the average man is no Keanu Reeves – hell most of you reading this aren’t even a poor-man’s Mickey Rourke. So listen up: here are a few of the lazy man’s essential sexual positions (ie. positions you don’t have to be a porn star to pull off).

The Nocturnal Emission: Also known as a wet dream, The Nocturnal Emission is the sexual scenario of choice for obese cowboys and rodeo clowns. Of course, it’s not limited to those demographics, however a quick cross section will reveal that most obese cowboys do in fact prefer The Nocturnal Emission over say, The Splitter.

The Failed Push-Up: This position is similar to the missionary position, only it involves less thrusting. After all, once you’ve failed at an initial push-up, why attempt another? Just let your penis rest in your lady’s bucket of luke warm juice and wiggle a little. It counts as fucking and helps preserve calories.

The Lazy Dog: Similar to doggy style, this position is also known as Hide the Bone. If you’re feeling like a dingo, but not quite as rabid, you might want to try this out by sitting on top of your sexy skank and sticking your cock in just for a howl. Woof!

Jarred from Subway’s Special Sauce Surprise: Naturally, we saved the best for last. The beauty of The JFSSSS is that it doesn’t require much participation – just beat off until you’re ready and deposit a load of salty semen on your consenting lady’s lips. Hell, if you’re lucky, she may not even wake up!

Porn Presented at Pennsylvania High School

Tuesday, September 14th, 2010

High school is a time for growth – academically, socially, intellectually and sexually. Make no mistake, high school is a formative experience, and is often the first place teenagers are exposed to porn. Normally, this exposure comes in the context of peer pressure – perhaps a friend finds some old magazines in his father’s closet, or some free porn on the internet – but rarely is it due to school faculty.

This was the case on September 10, 2010, however, as 400 students in a Pennsylvania high school were exposed to pornographic pictures on a Central Blood Bank employee’s flash drive. Sure, we all have porn on our flash drives, but this seems a little overt – what ever happened to burying your porn in folders that aren’t linked to work? It would seem that blood boy was a little too eager to ogle the lithe naked bodies he enjoys on his computer. The school has released a statement saying that they’re “still trying to determine how [this] occurred.”

It’s a consolation that most of the kids exposed to the images displayed before the Blood Bank employee’s presentation have seen porn before, however this clearly creates a legal conundrum for the school in question. There’s no doubt that parents will sue in this case, as school really isn’t the place for their children to watch people fucking.

Apparently, the porn pandering employee in question wasn’t allowed to finish his presentation and the police are still mulling whether charges should be laid. Perhaps the nature of the porn shown should be used to determine our hombre’s punishment. After all, I could sure use more porn at work myself, and wouldn’t want to punish anyone who had only entertained.

The Truth About Strippers

Tuesday, September 7th, 2010

Strippers tend to have a stigma attached to their profession that is far from the truth. Most of us want to believe that strippers are drug addled nymphomaniacs who are only able to grip a pole on and off the stage.

A study done by the University of Leeds in Britain is challenging the status quo that is largely composed of stereotypes. Over 300 strippers took part in the survey being conducted by researchers, and they have uncovered some surprising information that would illuminate the reasons why a woman would want to dance naked for a living. Some of the findings are expected in the industry, though other facts have been revealed that might make you think twice about getting a lap dance.

They’re Educated

One of the most surprising findings was that a quarter of the ladies surveyed had a university degree. Nearly twenty percent of the dancers are using money to fund further education while completing undergrad or postgrad degrees. Some university graduates, particularly art degrees, had trouble finding work and turned to stripping as a way to sustain themselves while they continue their careers. Instead of a minimum wage job, these girls make fucking bank.

They don’t just get naked

The obvious job that strippers have is taking their clothes off, however researchers have heard from almost all the ladies that 80 percent of the job requires an ability to sell themselves. The ability to talk to their customers is what separates a good stripper from a great one. To take home the most cash while doing the least work requires some smooth talking.

They like their job

The large majority of the strippers said that they were legitimately happy with their jobs. This satisfaction rate confronts the idea that all strippers live miserable lives – full of sexual abuse and desperation. The study found that the flexibility and variables accompanying the major benefits of the job greatly outweighed the negative attributes.

They were not forced

Perhaps the largest negative stereotype of stripping is the fact most men believe they were forced into the occupation. The study found that almost all the women made decisions to become a stripper, and found that the income and flexibility of the job were benefits that made the position attractive. Most dancers make hundreds a night, simply flaunting their tits and ass to horny men. Strippers spend few hours working, make much more money and tend to find an establishment that treats them well.

It’s Not Easy Being A Porn Star

Sunday, September 5th, 2010

The last time you watched your favorite porn star get filled with cock on tape, you probably never stopped to think how the whole production comes together. There are many people behind the scenes, working hard to make sure that perfectly bleached asshole is prim and proper for the last anal scene of the day. It is not an easy job to be a porn star, especially if you happen to be a man.

The idea of fucking someone for hours on end would take a toll on any hopeful swinging dick. Imagine having to achieve an erection on command, through camera and light changes. Not only do you have to have a dick the size of a baby’s arm, you got to keep that blood pumping to your cock. You’ll likely pass out if you keep an erection for more than a few hours, so you better start training if you hope to have a chance in hell of becoming a porn star.

Next time you are busy masturbating to some free porn online, and your dog walks in, notice how (hopefully) you find it hard to keep an erection when your being watched? Now imagine 20 people standing around, waiting on you to provide a cum shot of mammoth proportions. You have to be able to paint that bitch white with your magic wand, so you cant afford to be shy. I don’t imagine training in front of a pack of dogs will help you overcome this fear, however maybe some impromptu public masturbation will help you be more comfortable whipping your dick out in front of strangers. That, or it will be an easy way to earn a couple merit points on your criminal record.

Lastly, likely one of the hardest feats for any future professional fucker is to enjoy sex enough to be able to do it everyday. Doing anything day in and day out can be a mother fucking nightmare. After the first couple fucks on film, your mojo will likely be diminishing as quick as your boner. You got to have a serious ability to fuck all day, or else your going to be doing the walk of shame to your trailer.

So there you have it, some of the reasons it can be damn hard to be a porn star. You have to have the complete package or you will never make it in this sex fueled era we live in. Try making some amateur porn with a small cast and crew, see how you do and then decide if you think should move up the major leagues.

Celebrity Sex Tapes Worth Buying

Thursday, September 2nd, 2010

In the years after Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee got freaky on film, celebrity sex tapes became all the rage. In 2003, One Night In Paris became a porn sensation, and changed the sex industry forever. However, with high quality free internet porn at the public’s fingertips these days, and a glut of celebrity sex tapes flooding an already saturated market, have sex tapes become obsolete? We don’t think so. Here’s a few celebrities who could spice up the sex tape market:

Jessica Simpson:

We don’t care who Jess is dating, or how fat she gets. This girl is hot, and a sex tape would be an opportunity to see her ride reverse cowgirl – something worth holding out for. Yeehaw!

Katy Perry:

Ever since she confessed to kissing a girl on her debut album, Katy Perry’s tits have fascinated young and old music fans alike. Never mind the fact that a Perry sex tape would likely involve Russell Brand, it would be a small price to pay to see Perry in all her glory.

Erin Andrews:

America’s sexiest sportscaster seems like she’d be a freak between the sheets. Not only is she the fantasy of adolescent teen sports geeks everywhere, but she was filmed naked at one point in her career (but claimed it was against her wishes). Whether her sex scandal denials are true or not, some high quality Erin Andrews porn would spice up the sex tape industry!

Angelina Jolie:

Assuming we’d get a sex tape where Angie was fucking Brad Pitt, this could be the biggest celebrity couple to ever be recorded on film. With massive production values to match Angie and Brad’s star power, this would be a must see for much of the universe. In fact, we suggest shooting the video into space to give other life forms an opportunity to see the best looking couple in the world doing what they do best.

Is Your Sexual Conditioning Where It Needs To Be?

Wednesday, September 1st, 2010

Picture this: you’re behind a hot chick, pounding away doggy-style. She’s moaning and asking for it harder, but you feel like you’re ready to cum. So what do you do? Do you pull out and blow your load all over her waiting ass, or do you suck it up and pound the crap out of her like a man until she gets off, and then make sure you get off yourself?

What most would do in this situation depends on their physical condition. Therein lies a dilemma: most of America is fat and out of shape, meaning that most of America would be a crappy lay. Even being minimally fit these days would put you ahead of the curve when it comes to fucking.

So which would you rather be? The guy who shoots too early, or the stud that fucks like an internet porn sensation? I’d recommend becoming the latter, and it all starts with solid fundamental groundwork. Try some pushups and sit-ups followed by cardio to increase your thrust rate during sex. Falling prey to stroke management isn’t worth it.

Most men know their limitations but fail to ask – what if I didn’t have any limitations? A little bit of exercise is worth getting the chance to fuck your girl as you’re standing, or spanking her ass as you pound her from behind. Hell, you might get her so excited that she asks you to jizz on her face.

Stranger things have been known to happen.

Japanese Town Draws Tourists Looking To Meet Virtual Girlfriends

Tuesday, August 31st, 2010

When Japanese video game manufacturer Konami Digital Entertainment created Love Plus, a game that asks players to engage in long-term relationships with digital women, they had no idea how many men would respond to the idea. To date, Konami has sold 430,000 copies of Love Plus, which has become Japan’s most popular dating game. To capitalize on their success, Konami has now teamed with the city of Atami to produce a real life environment where gamers can make their fantasies a reality with 13 romantic locations that can be overlaid with Love Plus’s protagonists.

The city of Atami is an onsen, or hot spring town, that has long been a favorite among honeymooners and tourists. Its popularity has exploded however, as a venue for Rinko and other characters from Love Plus by sporting barcodes that interact with augmented reality (AR) software on iPhones to create characters fans can interact with. The one drawback to Love Plus is that the game doesn’t involve sex, therefore keeping the dating relationships that are established online from reaching another level of reality.

So why no fucking? One reason appears to be that Love Plus was only released on the Japanese market and the manufacturers of the game consider the idea of virtual reality porn immoral. Konami spokesperson Kunio Ishihara is quoted as saying, “The virtual girls can kiss you a a way of communication, but nothing happens when she sleeps next to you at the hotel. We have no intention of trying to sell a product with pornographic elements. I think Love Plus fans would get offended if somebody tried to disrespect his girlfriend like that.”

While having consensual virtual reality sex hardly seems to be a matter of respect, at least Konami are headed in the right direction. With an entire town dedicated to vital reality relationships, it seems like a matter of time before vital reality barcodes are commonplace in Japan. We can only hope a similar, but sexier, version arrives in North America soon.

How To Achieve The Ultimate Orgasm

Thursday, August 26th, 2010

Perhaps you’ve never had an orgasm, or perhaps you cum several times a day. Either way, there’s always room for improvement, and this is true of sex as much as it is of Wii bowling or ping pong (and trust us, North Americans suck at ping pong). We’re not talking quantity here, we’re talking quality – which can be hard to come by with orgasms (and require a lot of work). Some folks go years before discovering that they’ve been missing earth shattering pleasure, so read on so you don’t miss out!

Let’s start with the ladies. There’s a lot of misinformation out there about women reaching climax, so our first piece of advice is to take control. Men don’t just lie down and hope to achieve orgasm, and women shouldn’t either. Just as men generally find a thrusting rhythm that suits them during sex, most women need to put pressure on their clitoris by rotating their pelvis against their partner and finding a rhythm that suits their needs.

To do this, it’s helpful to start with pelvic exercises to strengthen your core. It’s key to note that pelvic rotation, with the woman on top while fucking, stimulates the G-Spot – which is very close to the urethra. So relax, forget about climaxing simultaneously, and even let yourself squirt if you feel it coming.

As for the boys, it’s pretty easy to tell if you’ve achieved climax. But what about a better climax? For most men, prostate stimulation is the key to reaching your orgasm potential. Start with a finger in your ass and move on to a butt plug while you’re fucking – it may be uncomfortable at first, however once you feel your orgasm spread through your entire body instead of being localized to your cock you’ll want to thank us.

So there you have it, a couple of tips to start you on the road towards mind blowing orgasms. If these tips work for you, let us hear about it in the comments section below!

Wanting to Fuck Sarah Palin is a Patriotic Duty

Wednesday, August 18th, 2010

Hustler has just a released a compilation porn video, taking the best of the Nailin’ Paylin franchise. It features hottest porn star on earth, Lisa Ann, who has played Sarah Palin or “Paylin” in several movies now: Who’s Nailin’ Paylin? (2008), Obama is Nailin’ Paylin, Letterman’s Nailin’ Paylin, You’re Nailin’ Paylin (2009) and Hollywood’s Nailin’ Paylin (2010). You can check out some of Lisa Ann’s greatest hits on orgasm.com.

There was also talk of a Tiger’s Nailin’ Paylin, but it never materialized – unfortunately, that sounds like a fun one.

The compilation is called Sarah’s Going Rogue. Nice title.

The mega popularity of the Nailin Paylin porn series begs the question – why are people so interested in imagining Sarah Palin getting fucked. She is not a bad looking women and, by politic’s standards, she is smoking hot but there are certainly better looking babes out there. Why not a porn parody franchise of say Snooki for example.

What is it about Sarah Palin? I think it’s because she is conservative and religious and would never be in a porn, nevermind do any position but missionary. It’s the idea that miss goody goody, family values would be, in truth, a horny slut. This is what attracts us.

But it’s more than this. Palin threatens us – those of us who not only watch porn, but do so openly. I mean we don’t do it at work or when you’re kids are around, of course. But you don’t act like you don’t do it. And you are pretty sure that we could be less uptight about it and society as we know it wouldn’t crumble. If people like Sarah Palin had it her way, you couldn’t even look at porn. There wouldn’t be porn – not legally. These Republicans are all for freedom, except when it comes to sex. Then they want us to live in the sexual middle ages. Palin represents this better then anyone, partially because she just never shuts up, but partially because she is hot, because we would like to fuck her, but she won’t let us – in the large social sense, we can’t fuck her, we can’t watch porn openly, we shouldn’t even be allowed to fuck our wives doggy style without feeling like a pervert.

Parody and satire have always been a peaceful way to attack your opponents – and so we hurt Palin where it hurts – in the pussy by degrading a look alike. And, you know what, it feels great!