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Hef To Get Playboy Back In His Hands

Thursday, January 13th, 2011

300.madison.hefner.marquardt.lc.092208The massive company, Playboy, has agreed to an offer from the man who founded it all, Hugh Hefner, to take the firm private after he raised his bid by 12%.

The Icon Acquisition Holding, which was controlled by Hef, offered $6.15 a share for publicly-listed Playboy, which ultimately values the firm at $210 million. Wowzers.

The 84 year old, who recently got engaged to a 24 year old blonde bombshell, already owns about 70% of Playboy’s Class A common stock and 28% of it’s Class B stock, but he wants it ALL!

There was outside competition from FriendFinder and Penthouse magazine which had offered $6.25 a share.

Hef, who is a God in my books, set up the Playboy magazine back in 1953, but, since the availability of free porn on the internet rising in recent years, circulation and advertising revenues have been failing drastically.

The company has been trying to transform it from a publishing and TV business into a “brand management” company in order to keep the profits coming and therefore has been licensing out the Playboy name and those infamous rabbit ears for a range of different products.

“I believe this agreement will give us the resources and flexibility to return Playboy to its unique position and to further expand our business around the world,” Hefner said.

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Hefner also revealed he wants his hands on everything the company owns in order to be able to pass on the entire thing to his sons when he is ready to retire and when they are ready to step up and run the family business.

In my opinion, I don’t care who is running it, as long as it is still up and going. Not just because of being able to see some of the most famous and gorgeous woman on the planet naked, but because the Playboy name has a sort of class attached to it and with all the amateur and trashy stuff you can find on the internet these days, it’s nice to see something more conservative once in a while.

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The Queen’’s Pussy

Monday, January 10th, 2011

carmel_moore1A strong conservative voice in the current UK government is pushing for all porn to be blocked on all computers in England. Because of the advent of web TV’s in England, UK companies like Virgin Media can and do stream all manner of content to household computers and in a household where there are children present then there is the possibility of the little one’s viewing tits and ass. While adult business maintain an ever vigilant policy in policing-with Netnanny and programs of that ilk-the tech experts claim that any plan for outside country-wide regulation is bound to stumble across some privacy issues as well as question of censorship.

First of all, in order to establish a nationwide ban on porn streaming across the net, the government, or the IPS at the very least, would need to keep an up-to-date list of porn operators. And a move by any government to stop content might provide a backdoor for that government to restrict access to legit sites down the line if critics find even the most benign content objectional.
A true slippery slope of one man’s poison could begin.

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Then there is the bottom line. Porn on the net is a big business, bringing in tons of dollars. To halt all this commerce from viewing fucking and sucking money will be needed to put protocols in place. What specific technology would be used and who exactly would be footing the bill for it, not to mention how people would feel about putting their names on a list are slight stumbling blocks to say the least.

This is not the first time porn has been scrutinized and with the ever-increasing viewing of cam girls, pay membership sites, fetish chatrooms, naughty still galleries and streaming video, the Internet is taking the place of the corner candy store for ground zero where people can buy and/or picket porn. Ease in access allows an ever more vociferous attack and the UK is having the same problems as most other civilized countries. But seeing as people are basically walking around the droid phones and PDA’s that are their portable computer, would this mean further government intrusion to someday manipulate what one holds in one’s pocket? And if the free flow of content, not just porn is controlled, what does that say to the idea of it being free?

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Blame It On Tabasco

Wednesday, January 5th, 2011

If you’ve ever needed a good excuse to jack off in public without the assistance of free porn, well here it is: Tabasco sauce. Peculiar, I know – but allow me to explain: Rafael Escamilla, a 50 year-old Florida native was on board a flight to Idaho when he had the bright idea of whipping our his package for a bit of fowl play. Unsurprisingly enough, the poor 17 year-old girl next to him caught sight of his lack of shame and immediately reported him to a flight attendant. Upon landing Escamilla was immediately apprehended by authorities. However, he instead that the entire ordeal was nothing but a huge misunderstanding. According to him, he was fondling his Johnson not as a means of inducing an orgasm, but he claimed to have spilled Tabasco sauce of his package; which made it burn. Clever.

Jan. 4 - Blame It On Tabasco

Now, before I knock this story off as complete and utter rubbish, I can’t help but wonder what would actually happen if I actually got Tabasco on my poor willy. Sure, wipping out my dick in public sounds rather drastic, but until I get hot sauce all over it, how do I know it’s not a matter or life or death? Alright, perhaps I’m exaggerating a little.

Upon further inspection, turns out good ol’ Escamilla didn’t have a single trace of hot sauce of his member. Nor was he carrying a bottle of Tabasco with him – and we all know that’s not part of standard inflight meals. If you ask me, I think the guy was yet another pervert who sat down next to a pretty girl and simply couldn’t contain himself. Tabasco sauce my ass. Any man who thinks it’s ‘ok’ to expose himself mid-flight – in front of a minor nonetheless – deserves to be locked up and kept far, far away from society.

And for those who are curious about what would actually happen if one was to sprinkle his penis with Tabasco, take this little excerpt I found online. It should tell you everything you need to know before attempting to try it out for yourself: “Initially there was nothing, until slowly a pain started. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to release a fresh batch of tears”. And this is coming from some guy who’s into S&M, so take it for all it’s worth.

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The Craziest Sex Headlines of 2010

Wednesday, January 5th, 2011

Jan 4 orgasm.com1As each year passes, it seems that the headlines during those twelve months get more and more crazy as the years go on!

In 2010 there were so many random and hilarious sex incidents that made headlines all over the world. Here is a look at some of them:

1. A man chopped off his own dick with a knife. Why you ask? Well, after he spent five years in prison in Spain for a violent crime, he wanted to avoid being deported back to his home land of Kazakhstan. So, what did he do? He chopped of his manhood so they couldn’t bored him on a plane to go back home.

2. We have all seen guys who constantly date the same type of girl. Some guys constantly date girls that fit the same and only criteria. But, what if a guy takes it one step further and actually has a doll replica of his ex made for only $18,000. No biggie! The construction of the sex doll took forever because he had to re create all of her details to a t, down to her nails and teeth.

3. When a 54 year old woman met her biological son that she gave up for adoption, the two of them decided to revisit the last place he saw her- her vag. He was 33 and the consensual sexual relationship lasted 18 months. Apparently she made the first move by laying next to him in bed and now she’s facing a year in jail for incest and having to register as a sex offender.

4. We’ve all been in those positions where we wish we couldn’t see the person we were having sex with, but what if you actually went temporary blind every time you had an orgasm. For one man this was just the case. Luckily doctors eventually figured out it was related to blood flow and were able to solve the problem.

5. The Berns hotel in Stockholm provides all kinds of amenities for hotel guests including sex toys, free porn, and handcuffs.

6. The sex store Pleasures in Alabama became the first adult store to offer drive thru services. The shop plans to cash in by selling whips, lube and vibe through the sliding window in discrete paper bags.

7. A 21 year old man from the UK with a learning disability is using government welfare to get himself laid. He is applying for discretionary funds to fly to Amsterdam to fuck a prostitute and loose his virginity.

8. Italian PM has order a $95,000 restoration of a broken off pens on a Roman marble statue of Mars.

9. At the Markumm In in Eugene, the own and his wife like to get it on with their hotel guests. Apparently they began asking the guests to guess the measurements of his penis and even asked employees to rub lotion on it. He then began masturbating in front of guests and have them play ring toss on his hard dick.

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Tits Needed

Saturday, January 1st, 2011

It’s a simple equation that if a human being begins to loose weight, in a healthy manner, they will loose fat. And breast tissue is fat. A woman begins to loose weight; she will loose some size in her boobs. If she is dieting and exercising correctly, she will see better proportion and good health. If she decides too loose too much weight, does not exercise, she will see sagging and stretch marks.

This is the bane of the modern Hollywood actress.

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Somewhere along the line the paradigm shifted from the voluptuous hourglass figure of a woman with wide hips and ample tits to skinny girls starving themselves to a danger point. Somewhere along the line dangerously skinny women were considered beautiful by Hollywood standards and actresses followed suit to the model of what they thought they must look like. Ignoring the fact that they were-are-putting their health in danger, these ladies continue to lose too much weight, lose their natural form, put themselves in jeopardy and counter the ravages of the new look-even if they were unaware they are doing so-through augmentation surgery, Botox shots, nips and tucks.

Buying ever-larger breast implants a woman can theoretically loose as much weight as she wants and still keep her bust line. In effect a cart-after-the-horse approach, a woman loses weight and her boob flesh fat but then hires a doctor to replace just specifics of what she lost! Not just porn performers and strippers but now the modern day actress, and the countless women influenced by her, has a cut stomach, no hips-certainly no round ass and two ice cream scoops for tits and a drawn face.

The modern day beauty is a self-made modern-day Frankenstein of unnaturally large boobs, hairless cunts, permanent make-up and even bleached assholes.

Human beings are the only animals who can alter their environment to suit their needs. In doing so many would argue we have done more harm then good to that environment. Now we have become the only animal that can alter our appearance to our specifications with a hubris that defies logic and one’s own health. Our own bodies will tell us when we have gone too far in our passions, when we eat too much we will gain weight, starve ourselves we take on the pallor and stick-and-bones appearance of the emaciated. But these days women or every social stratum can ignore the evidence of their eyes, buy body parts and pieces, or at least fantasize about doing so, to ignore the obvious risks they are taking to their health.

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The Top Ten Sex Trends Of The Decade

Wednesday, December 22nd, 2010

The first decade of the new millennium will definitely be remembered for one thing…SEX! Yes folks, this was the most sexual decade of them all and sex hasn’t captured this many headlines in the history of man kind. Here is a look at the top 10 sex trends of the last decade.

The Celebrity Sex Tape:
It is the trend that wouldn’t die and the one question asked during the end of this decade remained: were there any celebrities out there who didn’t have a sex tape that was like free porn? Once upon a time, hollywood celebs were a breed of elites, but they’ve proved otherwise in this decade and showed their ugly side, not too mention, their front side, back side and a lot more than that!

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Threesomes:
Once the millennium turned, someone decided that sex between just two people wasn’t enough. We’ve seen celebs hop on the menage a trios band wagon and you couldn’t turn on the TV without seeing two girls and one guy.

Turning Lesbian:
In the last decade there has been an abundance of woman turning gay. But no one will ever know if they’re truly gay, or just curious. College girls were making out with their BFFs, the “L Word” made the lifestyle seem fabulous, and Megan Fox and Amanda Seyfried made a lesbian experience seem fantastic!

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Sex Toys:
The last decade is probably best known for spawning a $1 million, diamond encrusted vibrator. Adult sex toys were everywhere and the xxx accessories became novelties.

Political Scandals:
Clearly Clinton started this trend back in the 90′s but within the last decade is when political scandals really came to the surface.

Anal Sex:
Many years ago Eddie Murphy wrote a song which detailed all of the different things that you could put in a person’s butt. During this decade, people of all ages were putting dicks in butts and anal became the newest and best form of intercourse.

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Sexting:
Wikipedia defines sexting as “the act of sending sexually explicit messages or photos electronically, primarily between mobile phones,” a a poll also reveals that two thirds of you have once dirty texted.

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Pickup Lines: Hip Hop Style

Thursday, December 16th, 2010

Although rappers and hip hop artists pride themselves in their ability to “fuck hoe’s and bitches”, I’d like to see how well they’d do in the real world. In fact, I’m sure that upon murmuring the first “hoe” out of their mouths, they’d be in for a slap on the face or a kick in the balls. But since they tend to treat their women likes the ladies in free porn, these “gangsters” are only scoring due to their popularity and hefty bank accounts. That’s right. I said it. Below, we’ll cover some of the most ridiculous pick-up lines in the world of rap and hip hop. While they may sound good alongside a catchy beat, applying them to reality will bring you nothing but harm.

Dec. 15 - Pickup Lines- Hip Hop Style

‘Baby Got Back’ by Sir Mix-A-Lot – While it would be next to impossible to find someone who can’t sing this entire song by heart, its lyrics certainly make us wonder why – and how – that is possible. Stating that his “anaconda don’t want none unless you’ve got buns, hun” is not only degrading to women, but quite cocky of him to say – pun totally intended. Sir Mix-A-Lot better be packing a lot of heat after making such a bold claim.

‘Back That Ass Up’ by Juvenille – I’ll start this one off by saying that nobody, under any circumstances, should ever use the following as a pick-up line: “Girl, you looks good, won’t you back that ass up? You’se a fine motherfucker, won’t you back that ass up?”. Not only will she tell you to work on your grammar but you’ll probably get a well-deserved beating.

‘Whisper’ by Yin Yang Twins – What is it about rappers and the female ass? In this instance, the Yin Yang twins made the object of their desire as clear as day with the line, “You got a sexy ass body and your ass look soft. Mind if I touch it and see if it’s soft? Naw, I’m jus plain’ less you say that I can”. Way to use the word “soft” twice, utilize poor grammar (what else is new?) and sound like a total pervert in the process. Bravo!

‘Fresh Pair of Panties On’ by Snoop Dog – Leave it up to the great ‘Snoop D.O. Double G’ to be as blunt as possible in his advances. Probably one of my favorite lines of all time, he goes on to say: “‘It’s time to slow it down, steadily grindin’ and this is, the big Doggy Dogg/And I ain’t talkin’ about no Air Force Ones/ I just gotta know, before you let me get some…Do you have a fresh pair of panties on?”. Ah yes, nothing like asking a stranger if she has “fresh panties” on. You’re the man, Snoop.

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The Most Oscar Worthy Sex Scenes of 2010

Friday, December 10th, 2010

If you’re feeling horny and want to masturbate to a really hot sex scene, all you have to do is hop online and watch some free porn. But sometimes, porn just doesn’t do the trick. Once in a while we want to see something with more quality and with more important people. That’s where feature films come in. In most R-rated films nowadays a sex scene is mandatory.

It’s quite unfortunate that the Oscars don’t give out an award for the most important scene in the movie-when the actors GET IT ON! Well, that’s where I come in. Here are the most Oscar worthy sex scenes of 2010:

Best Girl on Girl Sex Scene: “Black Swan”
After a night of intense partying, Natalie Portman’s character gets into it with her sexy frenemy played by Mila Kunis. What goes down is some girl on girl oral action.

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Best Fake Sex Scene: “Easy A”
Emma Stone’s character helps out a friend by pretending to take his virginity and performs some of the best fake sex sounds since “When Harry Met Sally.”

Funniest Sex Scene: “MacGruber”
Will Forte and Kristen Wiig start out by having some classy 80′s style sex, but then is takes a turn for the incredibly awkward.

Best Scene Where Sex Was In The Air, But Didn’t Happen: “Twilight:Eclipse”
So much build up for the inevitable sex scene that happens in the upcoming “Breaking Down.” Just fuck already!

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Best Guy on Girl Oral Sex Scene: “Blue Valentine”
Ryan Gosling goes down on Michelle Williams in what is probably one of the most intimate sex scenes I’ve ever seen in movie that isn’t porn!

Best Quickie Sex Scene: “Love and Other Drugs”
Jake Gyllenhaal and Anne Hathaway do a lot of fucking in this flick, and they can’t even make it to bed for their first sexual encounter.

Best Outdoor Sex Scene: “Tiny Furniture”
A recent college grad gets boned from behind by her hipster douche bag coworker in the middle of an empty lot in Brooklyn.

Most Awkward Sex Scene: “Greenberg”
The much older Ben Stiller seduces the naive Greta Gerwig in a sex scene that is awkward and quick.

Most Disturbing Sex Scene: “Splice”
Adrien Brody has nasty sex on the floor with the sexy Frankenstein monster he partly fathered.

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Top 5 Unexpected Sex-Related Terms

Thursday, November 18th, 2010

Imagine a world without sex. Not only would it be incredibly empty, but if for some odd reason we still managed to reproduce, we’d have to find something else to influence our day-to-day lives. For those who don’t think sex is everywhere, read on for a list of cleverly concealed sex-related names. From everyday words to music, one thing is for sure – sex is everywhere.

Nov. 17 - Top 5 Unexpected Sex-Related Terms

1. Steely Dan – For all you baby boomers out there, you’ll remember this soft rock band back in their glory days. In the 1950′s – when the band originally came together – members Walter Becker and Donald Fagen were unable to come up with an original name. Being that they were both into beat literature, they ended up taking the name of one of the characters in a book called “The Naked Lunch”. That’s right folks, Steely Dan was based off a massive strap-on dildo – and that was before free porn.

2. Vanilla – It’s no coincidence that your friends crack sex jokes everytime you lick an ice cream cone. What we presently know as “vanilla” is derived from a mix of the Spanish word “vainilla” and the Latin word “vaina” – a direct translation of “vagina” (or “pussy“, if you’d rather). By taking one close look at a vanilla pod, you’ll quickly understand why that is.

3. The Velvet Underground – One of the most revolutionary bands of the 60′s and 70′s, this band stood for anything alternative and out of the ordinary. Originating in New Jersey, the band landed it’s first gig back when they didn’t even have a name. After finding an S&M magazine with the words “Velvet Underground” plastered across it, the rest was history.

4. The Heart Shape – As romantic as it may look to us now, researchers have reasons to believe that the classic heart shape was actually inspired by a woman’s ass. The Greeks were known to have created a temple called Kallipygos, a worshipping ground that translates into “Goddess with the Beautiful Buttocks”. All hail the big booty!

5. Jazz – We all know that jazz tends to be associated to sex. It’s smooth enough to set the mood and get just about anyone in that particular state of mind. What you didn’t know is that the word “jazz” is derived off the Creole term “jass” – which stands for ‘sex’.

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Here’s The Situation: A Guide To Jersey Shore Lingo

Monday, November 8th, 2010

The guido’s and guidette’s of Jersey Shore just wrapped of the second season of their hit reality TV show and there is nothing but bright lights and big bills for the future of these castmates.

The Situation was a Dancing With The Stars contestant and has recently launched a new book. Snookie is being paid thousands of dollars to show up at club for about 10 minutes, all over the US, and Pauly D just bought a brand new Lamborghini.

These kids are ringing in the dough and it’s all because of their outrageous personalities and partying habits that allow them to create some of the most obnoxious, weird, and plan old fucked up lingo.

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IIIIttt’ssssss T-SHIRT TIME!!!!! Here are some infamous Jersey Shore sayings that most of you will probably need a Guido dictionary to help decipher:

GTL: A day long activity that is mostly done by MVP which includes going to the gym, tanning, and doing laundry.

MVP: The power trio created my Mike, Vinny and Pauly.

Cockblock of the century: One who is legendary for preventing his or her male roommate from succeeding in his sexual conquests.

Community smush room: A room that is used for smushing and smushing only.

Smush: When you have sex with someone.

Double Bagger: When the person you’re getting it in with is so ugly you have to put over her head and your own, just in case.

Getting it in: When you have sex with someone.

DTF: Down to fuck.

DTS: Down to snuggle.

Grenade: An unattractive fat woman.

GFF: The grenade free foundation is an organization to keep grenades at bay in order to reach a GFA.

GFA: Grenade free America.

Land-mine: A skinny ugly girl.

Chicken Cutlet: A silicone insert that is placed into a chicks bra to make her tits look bigger.

Kookah: A woman’s vagina.

These are just a few of the Jersey Shore terms to get you through a days work. If you want to completely educated on their lingo, it will require you to take the day off work, because they have come up with a lot of shit!

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