If you’ve ever needed a good excuse to jack off in public without the assistance of free porn, well here it is: Tabasco sauce. Peculiar, I know – but allow me to explain: Rafael Escamilla, a 50 year-old Florida native was on board a flight to Idaho when he had the bright idea of whipping our his package for a bit of fowl play. Unsurprisingly enough, the poor 17 year-old girl next to him caught sight of his lack of shame and immediately reported him to a flight attendant. Upon landing Escamilla was immediately apprehended by authorities. However, he instead that the entire ordeal was nothing but a huge misunderstanding. According to him, he was fondling his Johnson not as a means of inducing an orgasm, but he claimed to have spilled Tabasco sauce of his package; which made it burn. Clever.
Now, before I knock this story off as complete and utter rubbish, I can’t help but wonder what would actually happen if I actually got Tabasco on my poor willy. Sure, wipping out my dick in public sounds rather drastic, but until I get hot sauce all over it, how do I know it’s not a matter or life or death? Alright, perhaps I’m exaggerating a little.
Upon further inspection, turns out good ol’ Escamilla didn’t have a single trace of hot sauce of his member. Nor was he carrying a bottle of Tabasco with him – and we all know that’s not part of standard inflight meals. If you ask me, I think the guy was yet another pervert who sat down next to a pretty girl and simply couldn’t contain himself. Tabasco sauce my ass. Any man who thinks it’s ‘ok’ to expose himself mid-flight – in front of a minor nonetheless – deserves to be locked up and kept far, far away from society.
And for those who are curious about what would actually happen if one was to sprinkle his penis with Tabasco, take this little excerpt I found online. It should tell you everything you need to know before attempting to try it out for yourself: “Initially there was nothing, until slowly a pain started. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to release a fresh batch of tears”. And this is coming from some guy who’s into S&M, so take it for all it’s worth.
