Archive for November, 2010

Swingers’ Clubs Feel The Financial Pain

Wednesday, November 24th, 2010

It’s safe to say that the economy is in shambles. Unemployment is through the roof and banks have been stricter than ever when it comes to foreclosures. What you probably didn’t know however, is that even swingers‘ groups have started to feel the pain. It seems that even despite their penchant for wild group sex and disregard for money, they are still getting hit by the impact of today’s financial crisis.

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This recent discovery stems from the lackluster attendance in some of the most popular swingers clubs in the country. One of them being DDeviousDelights, who claim that attendance at their swingers’ parties have gone down between 30 to 40% in the past year. Despite the fact that most clubs are resorting to providing newcomers with a 50% discount, cover charges and strict ‘couples only’ rules still stand strong.

As an example how sex and today’s ill economy are crossing paths, take this heartwarming story: An intoxicated 56 year-old woman from Illinois decided it would be a good idea to dine and dash while at a Joe’s Crab Shack. After making a run for it, she was apprehended by authorities but promised she would pay them back once she got home. Upon arriving at her apartment, she entered her room and proceeded to come out holding a rubber dildo – which she used as a weapon while approaching the officers in a threatening manner. Once they managed to knock the ding-dong out her hand, she was apprehended and placed under arrest.

The End.

While this doesn’t necessarily apply to swingers’ clubs, it just goes to show that if you can’t use sex for a good cause, use it as a weapon. After all, not even free sex is exempt from these arduous financial times.

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The Top Reasons To Masturbate

Wednesday, November 24th, 2010

Woody Allen famously said, “Don’t knock masturbation; It’s sex with someone I love.” Whether it be all by your lonesome or incorporated into sex with a partner, do like Woody and love yourself! There is no greater pleasure than that.

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Do it when you’re about to fall asleep. I started choking the chicken at bed time at the young age of 14 because that’s the only time I could get some privacy. Somewhere along the way bed time became linked hand in hand with sexy time and now it’s hard for me to have a good nights rest without it! Which could be a good thing or a bad thing, I’m still trying to figure that out.

Do it when you wake up. Nothing says “Good morning world!” quite like a solo quickie first thing in the morning. It’s a proven fact that is yields the same endorphins as a morning jog would without the whole getting out of bed thing. The trick here is, however, to get out of bed as soon as your done or else you will easily fall back asleep.

There is no safer sex in the entire universe than having a night with just you and your hand. Good bye pregnancy! See ya STDS!

There are often times when intense horniness and extreme laziness strike at the exact same moment. When that situation arises it’s best to wrap some limbs around a partner and slowly diddle yourself to a dreamland, however, a lot of people are not comfortable with letting someone watch you do it. Many feel vulnerable and exposed and refrain from doing it, when it can actually be very hot and sweet.

Masturbation is a great way to bridge the gap between two lovers who are trying their shot at a long distance relationship. Whether it be phone sex or Skype sex, it can actually bring some passion into the relationship despite being 3,000 miles apart.

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It is totally impossible to get bored hanging out alone when you have the ability to beat the meat, clutch the camel, flog the log, or whatever you want to call it while watching some free porn on your laptop.

Are you a procrastinator? Then you should try your shot at procrasturbation. It’s a combination of procrastination and masturbation and it will only help in getting your history paper in on time.

Whether it be Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday or Sunday; they’re all great days to get a little masturbation time in.

The Sales Person

Wednesday, November 24th, 2010

“Have a seat Mr. Raye, I’ll be with you in a minute,” ordered Hannah Stern, “hmmmed and “yess yss-ing” into her phone. “Now,” she asked hanging up finally, “how may I help you?”

Winston Raye made thousands of sales calls in his day, but his tongue was literally tied as he stared at Hannah Stern. A tall pretty red head over 50, this head of the Stern lingerie company had what had to be the biggest-and firmest-bust Raye had ever seen.

“Mr. Raye,” the lady attempted. “I’m a busy woman.”

“Uh, yeah, sorry, you know I am with Cool Image? I’d like to show you what we have this go round.”

“Mr. Raye we already have three other lines that take up too much shelf space as it is, do I need a fourth?”

“Yes, I…I think that after you see how competitive our pricing structure is maybe you’ll drop your least profitable line and…”

“Since you’re here,” the tall woman replied, “I’ll give you five minutes.”

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“Now,” the lanky man began standing opening his carrying case across the desk between them.

“These are our bra and panty sets.”

“Smaller sizes, huh?” the lady said standing and deliberately arching her back to show off her big bust. “Nothing here would even come close to fitting someone like me.”

“That’s no problem at all,” the stout man replied in a shaky voice. “I…”

“What size bra do you think I wear?” the lady spat, the five minutes ticking for faster for her then the man facing her.

“I…I am sure we have plenty of sets for…”

“Just tell my size, Mr. Raye. A man working in this business should be able to estimate a woman’s bra size by…”

“Maybe a closer look?” Winston asked, helping to diffuse the tension with some levity.

“Sure, if you think you think that will help.”

Mrs. Stern walked from around her desk and stepped until she was almost touching him. ”Better?”

“Uh, I-I’d say that you were a double d-cup, and probably about forty inches.”

“Very good, Mr. Raye,” the lady said smoothly, “you just added another minute to your pitch…let’s see if you can add more.”

Hanna Stern stood back then, unbuttoned her blouse, pulled it down her arms and removed her huge lacy bra.

“Touch me,” the lady said.

Wanting to pinch himself, but figuring he best do as told to land this account, Mr. Raye reached his hands out to the heavy firm tits before him.

“Your adding minutes and minutes here Mr. Raye.”

“Yes…I” he tried fondling the woman’s warm breast flesh as Hannah broke into her first smile of the day, then took a step back, let Raye stand there with his hands still outstretched holding air and wiggled her A-line skirt down her long legs revealing a snow white garter and stocking …sans panties.

“I think I might be able to come round,” and here the lady smiled again, stepped back to the edge of her desk and lean her naked wide ass against it. “…to carrying your line, if you could maybe convince me deeper.”

Too stunned really to wrangle his pounding cock out his pants right then and figuring maybe the best way to really close this sale was to attend to this woman completely, Mr. Raye knelt to the thin carpet and faced the pulsing slightly hairy pussy before him. He could smell Hannah Stern’s thick lips, looked up to see the woman grab her own tits and throw her head back and realized, this might just be one of those customers he’d have to coddle with regular visits.

Leaning forward the man stuck his tongue out to the juicy cunt lips before him and thought to himself…I’ve made my quota for the week!

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Dangerous Sex: The Riskiest Places To Do The Dirty Deed

Tuesday, November 23rd, 2010

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They say to never get caught with your pants down, but to be honest, there’s no greater rush than having the feeling of possibly getting caught by someone when you’re doing the dirty deed.

Sometimes it just happens and the feeling of spontaneity can make the sex that much hotter. Sometimes we plan to have sex in a risky location. Either or, make sure you wear zippered pants or shorts, and try and go commando. It would be good if she was wearing a skirt and the shorter the better, but we can’t always have control of the situation.

Having sex at either of your parents’ places is going to be completely fun and dangerous. Especially if your relatives are on the conservative side, it is both rebellious and hilarious, in a very satisfying way. Do it during the day; in the bathroom, laundry room or garage, while they are pre-occupied with the garden or tea time. Remember to clean up after yourself, because they aren’t stupid and they know what sex smells like.

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Having sex in between the book stacks in the library is very risky because libraries can even be as sacred as a church with all the acquisition and deep thinking going on. You’re going to have to be as quiet as you can be. It’s not going to be as easy as it seems and totally different from the library sex scenes in porn. You’re going to have be a little more strategic. Libraries tend to be fairly big and have a lot of strange little corners. Standing is the safest way to attempt sex in a library, so if you need to escape, it can be easily done. Try and keep the volume down because you don’t want to be caught by one of those old, cranky librarians. They will have no remorse for you!

Depending on the alley, having sex in one can be bad for your health. Make sure you choose one that is fairly clean and bum free. You don’t want to give those bums a free show. You can do this easily by hiding behind a large object in the alley like a parked car or a bin. Standing up sex is your best bet because you’re not going to want to lie down on this ground.

Having sex at work is probably looked at as being very unprofessional, but hey, sometimes we just can’t help ourselves! Mostly all offices have storage rooms that are usually lockable. You don’t want to get caught here because your job could be on the line, so keep it down and play safe!

Try to be a little more daring and add some sense of adventure into your sex life and you will not be disappointed.

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The Nubile Nymph

Tuesday, November 23rd, 2010

imagesVirna Reynolds was lonely and depressed. Her best friend Alicia was vacationing in Europe, and her husband of forty years had been gone for less them six months. After wandering around her apartment for about a week, the long legged lady dialed the number Alicia had given her before she left and after two rings, a sultry feminine voice on the other end of the line answered, “Sensations Unlimited, how may I help you, this is Miranda speaking?”

Fear shot through Virna but she shouldered on, saying: ”This is Mrs. Reynolds, I’m a friend of Alicia Donner, she recommended your establishment. I was just wondering if you had any openings…for today?”

“Mmmmmm, Mrs. Reynolds,” Miranda said in her silky voice, “how is Mrs. Donner, we haven’t seen her in few weeks?”

“Uh, she’s in Europe,” Virna replied.

“One of her usual trips, no doubt,” Miranda went on, “Well, we have an opening at two this afternoon, if that’s agreeable?”

“Yes, two will be just fine,” Virna replied, “see you then, and thank you.”

Wow, Alicia really did have pull, Virna reasoned.

“Mrs. Reynolds, it’s so nice to meet you,” Miranda said an hour later while shaking Virna’s hand.

“Alicia’s told me so much about the place,” Virna offered, trying to mask her nervousness with a tight smile.

After both of them had taken a seat in Miranda’s sumptuously appointed, office, the salon manager continued: ”Have you given any thought as to what sort of entertainment you had in mind?”

“Well, I…” Virna said slowly.

“Allow me to make a suggestion? Something Alicia herself sometimes prefers?”

Virna nodded her head vigorously. ”That would be perfect,” she sighed.

Miranda turned to a small table to her right, poured them two glasses of a deep red wine from a stubby carafe, then passing a glass to Virna turned to her intercom, pushed a button and said: ”Sharri, please send in Mona.”

Virna took a long swallow. A woman! she thought to herself. Well, if Alicia could…

The two women drank and made small talk for five minutes when there was a knock on the office door.

“I think you’re going to be especially pleased,” Miranda stated, standing to walk to the door.

“Mona has just turned eighteen and…”

The salon manager opened her door in to an incredibly lovely young woman standing there wrapped in only a bright pink towel.

“This is Mrs. Reynolds, dear,” Miranda said and bade the blonde beauty into the room. Virna stood and smiled.

Without so much as a word, the tiny nymph dropped her cover, and stood casually in front of the two older women. She was a petite blonde with high small tits, wide hips and a perfect pretty little pussy, lightly covered with a spray of blonde hair.

“What do you think?” Miranda asked softly.

“What’s good enough for Alicia, is good enough for me,” Virna said and gulped down the rest of her wine.

Mona led Virna by the hand down a long corridor to a door that opened up into a suite of rooms that contained a hot tub, an entertainment center, and of course a bed.

“This is my favorite room,” the willowy beauty said closing the door.

“Would you let me let me help you out of those clothes?”

As Mona began to unbutton the front of Virna’s blouse, the older woman pushed her hand away and said, “I’m a little nervous about this, over the years I’ve put on a little weight, and well, I’m just…”

Mona giggled and replied, “Don’t be embarrassed, Virna, I just love big tits.”

Virna actually giggled then, her pussy pulsating ever so fast even though she was so damn nervous.

“Oh, dear,” Mona whispered when she got Virna’s shirt open. “I have to suckle those.”

Mona pressed her face into the lady’s bra and Virna felt her pussy lips open even more.

Mona extracted first her right breast up and over the low cut of Virna’s bra, licked her hard nipple then did the same to the left.

“Y-you do that so well,” Virna panted.

“We all have a specialty here,” the young girl said and helped Virna take off her bra.

As she lie the older woman on the before her, Mona smiled and pulled Virna’s skirt down her long legs with her teeth.

“Thought that’s not my only specialty”, the little girl said coming back up to face Virna’s soaking panties.

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What You Didn’t Know About Orgasms

Tuesday, November 23rd, 2010

In trying to keep with the subject at hand, this entry will cover the orgasm. Aside from being one of the most sought-after sensations, there is a lot more to be said about this brief moment of enlightenment. With that in mind, we present you with a list of some little-known facts surrounding the orgasm and how it can go way beyond sex.

Nov. 22 - What You Didn't Know About Orgasms

1. Orgasms Are Not Only For The Living: According to scientists, a dead person is just as capable of reaching an orgasm as their living counterparts. If certain nerves within the spinal chord receive oxygen, there is not reason as to why the dead can’t climax – though personal recollections remain to be heard.

2. Orgasms Can Make Your Breath Stink: Doctors have discovered that right after climaxing, women are left with a slight odor on their tongues. Though we have still to determine why that is, remember to pack a mint in your overnight bag. Bad breath is never attractive.

3. Even Babies Want It: Thousands of ultrasounds have shown babies – especially boys – touching their nether regions. Many claim that these motions are early forms of masturbation and that babies could be having orgasms even before leaving their mothers womb.

4. A Cure For Hiccups: After a man suffered from a case of never-ending hiccups, the only thing that could solve the problem was reaching an orgasm. So next time if you have the hiccups, forget about holding your breath and just load up on some free porn.

5. Some People Can Climax Without Sex Or Masturbation: Believe it or not, but some people have been reported to be able to make themselves orgasm through sheer mental stimulation. If you can “think yourself” into an climaxing; consider yourself lucky.

Transform Your Pad Into A Love Nest

Monday, November 22nd, 2010

If you sex life leaves much to be desired and you’re now resorting to free porn, consider your surroundings. Chances are, your apartment is about as inviting and your grandomother’s – and that’s so not sexy. A home that sets the mood for romance and intimacy can often be one of the best way to get your sex life back in working order. Below, we highlight a few tips that will get your pad from looking like a frat house, to a full-fledged love nest.

Nov. 19 - Transform Your Pad Into A Love Nest

1. Focus On The Energy – Aim towards creating a ‘love corner’ in every major room in your house. In order to create an intimate environment, avoid placing any computers, exersize equipment or books in that spot. Those tend to encourage solitary actions and won’t get you in the mood for play. Instead, place two matching objects in full display (candles or matching art pieces), which will indicate that your designated corner is a place for love.

2. Work With Your Partner - When setting up your love nest, be sure to make it a reflection of not only you, but your partner as well. Focusing too much on your likes while ignoring your significant-other’s point of view won’t make them any more inclined to getting down and dirty. And remember, a clean and tidy environment is always more welcome that a messy room. The later is nothing short of a turn off.

3. Use Sex As Your Inspiration – When decorating for love-making purposes, it’s crucial to have sex on the mind. Think sexy, lusting thoughts and consider chaise lounge chairs, luscious fabrics (silk, cashmere etc.) and of course, leather. A nice, modern shag rug is also a great option for those who are bored of the bedroom.

4. Lighting Is Everything – One of the best ways to set the mood is through appropriate lighting. Place emphasis on inviting spots such as a couch or lounge chair and be sure to keep it dim. Bright lights don’t necessarily scream “do me now”. Instead, focus on candles, lamps and wall lighting. Orgasms will be sure to follow.

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Seriously Odd Sex Stuff

Monday, November 22nd, 2010

No sex advice or porn tips here. Today, I’m going to give you a little something purely for your entertainment; a look at some seriously odd sex stuff found all around the world.

Sarah Carmen from the UK has about 200 orgasm a day from anything that vibrates. She has a rare disorder called Permanent Sexual Arousal Syndrome, which causes a lot more blood than normal to flow to the genitals, which has resulted in spontaneous and constant arousal. She’s sitting on the bus going down a rocky road: orgasm.

A belgian optician was arrested in 1995 for making his chick patients strip down naked and dance to accordion music before he gave them their check up.

In 1993 a man names Karl Watkins from England was given 18 months in prison for having sex with the pavement. Two years later he was put on three years probation for stimulating sex in public with a bin liner.

A grenade, a teacup, a pair of glasses and a frozen pig’s tail are all objects that have been removed by doctors from different men’s asses.

In 1993 a service was started in Japan that allowed customers to buy the used panties of school girls, housewives, nurses and widows.

I bet you don’t know what an autopederast is. Let me explain; this is when a man can insert his own dick into his ass with a semi-erect penis. Of course it’s impossible for most men, but some lucky lads can perform this party trick.

In 1992 a man from the US was arrested for shooting himself with a bullet proof vest on for sexual kicks.

A man from New York injected cocaine into his penis. The result: he got gangrene. He had his legs above the knee amputated and all but one finger. His dick ended up falling off by itself while he was in the bath.

Adolf Frederick, the King of Sweden from 1751-1771 had seven mistresses: two only had one arm, two had one leg, and three only had one eye. He’s thought to have a sex fetish with amputees called acrotomophilia.

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Broken Strap

Monday, November 22nd, 2010

Stella Eden, Esq. spun around in her desk and reached for a law book on the top shelf of her bookcase, but as she stretched up to retrieve it, snap, her right bra strap tore away from its moorings. For Stella and her 42DD cup bra this was a structural disaster.

“What am I going to do?” she said knowing she was wanted back in the judge’s chamber in twenty minutes.

She made J-street in five, flicked her cell on vibrate and managed into the big Macy’s on the corner.

Running (as best she could considering all the bouncing she was doing) Stella ran into the woman’s lingerie department where she met a smiling salesman thankfully as old as her forty-two years.

“Mishap at work?” the pretty black lady asked, obviously noticing Stella’s big right boob free and bouncing under her blouse while her left was high and supported.

“42dd?” lady asked and the woman turned from Stella for all of a minute then returned with a pretty white bra.

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“Would you?” Stella tried rushing with the lady back to the tiny fitting rooms as her cell buzzed and nipple rubbed against her blouse.

“Do you find that at the end of the day your breasts are just dying to relax a little,” the lady asked when they entered the tiny room and closed the slatted door.

She helped Stella remove her blouse and extricated her from the broken big bra.

“Mmmmm, yes,” Stella replied. “My breasts always feel like they’re in prison until I can get my bra off.”

“Well they are quite magnificent,” the sales lady said facing her now topless customer.

What happen next stunned Stella so much that she just stood there like a statue.

“I’m big myself, 36 double dees, but yours really…” the lady said, reached out, took Stella’s breasts in her dark hands and began massaging them.

“I just love to do my nipples at the end of the day, don’t you?”

Stella’s head began to spin, as the twisting of her nipples sent an electric shock straight to her clit and she tried to stay standing.

When was she needed back in the judge’s chambers?.

“You should go back braless, you are firm enough,” the lady said. She then dipped her smiling face and licked Stella’s right nipple, the one that had been so hard and suffering, and then her left.

“Oh, God suck…suck,” Stella moaned as the woman did just that in the tiny room.

“You want to return the favor?” the lady asked coming off Stella.

She unbuttoned the front of her shirt, unhooked her front clasp bra and presented rosy nipples on her chocolate melons to her new customer.

Stella lean forward and began to suckle the woman against the mirror of the changing room.

“I got to…I got to get back,” she said lifting her mouth off the pretty saleslady. “Can I…?”

“This will fit you, maybe a little tight but no fear of it snapping,” the saleslady said, removed her bra and helped put it around Stella.

“Oh God it’s so tight, I…”

“Yes you can,” the black woman said. “It will remind you to come back here at five-thirty and get me.”

“My pussy is on fire, ya know?” Stella said as they walked out of the dressing room and the salesgirl buttoned up completely.

“So is mine,” she said. “Imagine if I lick your tits that good what I will do to your pussy?”

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Stella left the store red faced but somewhat calmer then when she he had come in.

Damn she hadn’t even asked the salesgirl her name. Then again, she was wearing the woman’s bra, they were close now!

After School

Sunday, November 21st, 2010

At exactly 3:45pm Tommy entered Miss Parsons’ classroom where he found his petite teacher busily correcting some papers…one of which he knew was his less then stellar one from the day. The lady had her head down and didn’t realize the tall boy had entered until Tommy cleared his throat, startling her a little.

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“Oh good Tommy, good,” the smiling lady said looking up. “Come in, sit sit,” she said standing and walking to her classroom door to close it behind her thin high rump.

“Let’s see if we might address what’s been distracting you this week.”

“I uh, well, I don’t know exactly where to, I mean…”

“How am I going to help you if you don’t tell me what your problem is,” the teacher said taking a seat across from her student and leaning in to pat his hand. “I didn’t ask you to stay after school as a detention, I really would like to know what’s got you so, well, so not you this past week.”

“Well,” Tommy stammered, looking down. “You know, well, girl trouble I guess.”

“You’re dating Cheryl Raints, right? Lovely girl, very bright,” Miss Parsons said and Tommy finally looked up.

“Well, yeah, Cheryl, right.”

“Is this an intimate problem Tommy?”

Once again Tommy looked to his sneakers.

“Tommy,” his teacher said and he looked up again at that slightly scolding tone he had grown to know so well. “Please, there is nothing new under the sun here. I have been teaching a long time you know.”

“You know,” Tommy tried, “she doesn’t want to, well she does but she’s…”

“Cheryl thinks she’s too young, and isn’t ready for sex?”

“Uh, no, not exactly. She wants to all right, but well, she thinks I’m too big.”

Miss Parsons smiled at the embarrassed boy and sat back.

“Well Tommy, young girls, even the most popular young girls, are inexperienced.”

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“She says I’m a freak, Miss Parsons,” Tommy suddenly blurted. “I am coming to thing no girls is ever gonna let me…” “Nonsense young man, I’m quite sure that you are a normal young man who is letting the ravings of an inexperienced young girl get the better of him,” his teacher countered.
Tommy simply looked down again.

“Tommy,” Miss Parsons said standing then. “I’m going to prove to you that Cheryl is simply inexperienced, that you are perfectly normal, not a freak as she says.”

“Stand up and show me your penis,” she said.

Tommy turned six shades of red and started to wiggle, but Miss Parsons quickly cut him off. ”Tommy please, now?” Miss Parsons said reached over and tapped his wrist as she did to all her students when she wanted to get their attention.

Tommy stood slowly fixing his teacher with his gaze.

“Let’s get this over with so you can go home, and I can go back to correcting my papers.” Like a zombie Tommy moved, unbuckling his pants, unzipping his fly. Miss Parsons stood still the entire time, her thin lips set, her little green eyes staring at his. Finally reaching into his already tenting briefs, Tommy pulled his thick cock free and it began to grow in his hand as his teacher finally, slowly, inquisitively looked down.

The short teacher actually began to tap her foot as she assessed the hardening cock before her…but the tapping soon stopped.

“Um…well,” Tommy’s teacher said getting a real good look.

Tommy was right, his cock was huge!

“See, too big right?” Tommy said manipulating his log to fullness.

“Well, to tell you the truth,” Miss Parsons said, feeling her pussy flood and a blush come to her face.

“You do have a beautiful penis,” she sighed continuing. “Yes, it is rather large, but most women would adore having their vaginas filled with such a huge erection.”

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“Miss Parsons’ you’re just saying that to make me feel better. No one wants me, or ever will.” ”Oh, Tommy, you’re so wrong,” his teacher said and sat back on her chair. “Look.”

With this the lady lifted her short skirt, rolled her pantyhose down, and pulled her panty low to show Tommy her hairy cunt. Spreading her thick thighs wide, Miss Parson’s scooted to the edge of the low wooden chair and ran a finger between her fat lips.

“See how wet I am?” she said as Tommy stood there, one hand on his raging hard-on, rocking up on his toes as he looked down at his English teacher exposing herself to him.

“Get down here and see,” the lady added and Tommy did just that, knelt in front of his teacher.

The smell of the lady’s pussy, the fact that he was so close to a pussy and a pretty, wet one at that, made the boy swoon.

“You should taste it and see,” Miss Parsons said Tommy lean in and did just that. His mouth on Miss Parson’s hairy snatch he stuck his tongue through her fur and licked her thick sweet lips.
“Now tomorrow after class you can fuck me with that, Miss Parsons instructed. “But for now…”

Tommy knew the promise of more of this woman’s pussy would certainly keep him paying attention as she pushed his face even deeper into his teacher’s hot vagina.