You know how when you were a child, your parents always told you to make sure you put on your seatbelt when you got in the car? Well, if your parents really knew all the possible meanings for that word, then they’d never utter that again.
Depending on the culture, location, and sexual identity of the people in question, seatbelt can mean a variety of different things. In order to illustrate the diversity of the word, we’ll give you several examples to choose from.
In the LGBT community, seatbelt refers to an act of oral sex performed during a gay orgy. While one man straddles his partner’s cock and rides him anally, a third individual lies underneath and gives the cowboy a blowjob, i.e. fastens his seatbelt.
A similar cock-riding connotation of the term seatbelt comes from the heterosexual community, and refers to the condom worn while the woman is on top. For some reason, it rarely strays from riding positions, and is often used as a warning from the girl, such as ‘Fuck, I can’t wait to ride your cock…but make sure you put on your seatbelt first, okay?”
Perhaps my favourite meaning of the word seatbelt is something I used to do in elementary school, high school, and university classes on a fairly regular basis. Quite often I’d be bored and daydreaming about some hot chick in class that I wanted to bang, or I’d be staring at the perfectly cupped breasts of my teacher who always seemed to look even more like a prostitute in that office style suit jacket and low-cut shirt. Naturally, after a few minutes of this type of thinking I’d have a massive hard on poking out of my pants. And because God hates me, or just doesn’t exist, the fucking bell would always ring for the next class and I’d have to stand up and walk down the hallway with a raging boner head-butting my jogging pants or jeans. Thankfully, at an early age, my gym teacher taught us about seatbelting. When this inappropriate but satisfying erection comes about, simply grab a hold of your cock and wedge it between the waistline of your pants and your stomach. If you’re well endowed, the last few inches of your cock will be poking up and touching your belly button, but as long as you wear a somewhat baggy shirt, you should be able to conceal it. Not only does this move completely hide your boner, but the natural resistance of your waistband or belt is almost enough to get your rocks off. If that happens, run to the water fountain as quickly as possible and pretend to accidentally shoot a stream of water all over your shirt until you’re completely soaked and everyone in the hallway sees you. It’s embarrassing, but not near as bad as explaining why you smell like fish and have a huge blob of dried mayo on your shirt.
1. At my best friend’s wedding, I was about to stand up and give my speech but I got a massive hard on while staring at his bride. Naturally, I reached under the table, strapped on my seatbelt, and stood up to give my speech.
2. I absolutely hate wearing my seatbelt when my girlfriend wants to go for a ride. It’s always too tight, and cuts of the circulation to my balls.
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