Off the Box is something that one hears almost as often as you hear the phrase “off the cigarettes” or “off the booze,” but in reality is even less believable. Off the Box is a phrase that is used when someone decides they are taking a break from women, particularly from having sex with them. The box refers to the vagina, specifically, and the being “off” of them implies that its some sort of evil, addictive substance that ruins your self-esteem, robs you of all your money, and destroys your health like some sort of physical disease…on second though, that sounds exactly like drugs or alcohol.
When a guy tells you that they are off the box, don’t bother believing them. In the history of heterosexual men, not a single male has ever been able to successfully kick the habit of fucking vaginas. The only exception to the rule would be prisoners who are on death row and not allowed conjugal visits, but they’re only giving it up because they are forced to. That’s like saying a crack head who can’t afford crack and loses access, isn’t a crackhead any longer. In reality, no man is “off the box” unless they’re gay, or they’ve been married for more than twenty years and can’t bring themselves to cheat on their wives.
Single men will often tell themselves or their buddies that they are off the box after certain situations, which I’ll explain in more detail.
First of all, we have the scorned lover syndrome, where some poor sap got burnt by his cheating whore of a girlfriend and has now sworn off women altogether because he believe that they’re all evil. He blames vaginas and women in general for the heartbreak and anger he felt after his girlfriend cheated on him. But, of course, he should be blaming himself for not realizing that if you start dating your best friend’s girlfriend before she breaks up with him, then a few years down the road after you’ve become the new boyfriend, she’ll probably cheat on you too. Besides, the first chance this guy gets to find a piece of ass hotter than his ex, he’ll be breaking that vow faster than a crackhead runs to an alleyway after scoring a rock.
Other common situations that bring men to swear off vaginas are when they’ve been caught cheating on their girlfriends or wives, especially if it involved a whole slew of women who came forward and showed your lover all the nasty text message and naked cock photos you sent them. But, these men are a bit like the ex smoker who claims that he’ll never smoke another cigarette again. All it takes is for one drunken night and suddenly abstinence looks a whole lot more boring than indulging.
1. My best friend, who is a total horndog, tried to go off the box for an entire summer. He even bet all of his twenty-three friends $100 dollars when we said he couldn’t last. He ended up working overtime every night for the whole summer just to pay us all back, but he got laid more that summer than his entire life.
2. If you’re going to try going off the box, you’d better move to a temple in Southern China and become a Shaolin Monk. Either that, or get arrested for something really bad.
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