Infidelity is when one person in a committed monogamous relationship has an affair with someone. So, cheating, basically. When one person cheats on the person they’ve committed to. And this has to be a monogamous commitment. There are tons of commitments out there that aren’t monogamous, so while each individual may engage in sexual activity with someone outside the relationship, this isn’t considered cheating. The couple has an agreement or rules or an arrangement of sorts. They have this arrangement because they understand that the person they’re with cannot (and should not) be everything sexually, intellectually and emotionally all the time every day forever and ever, so be it.
Why is this so hard for people to get? That if we open things up around the edges, if we’re honest and open and communicative with the person we’re dating, we can nip a huge potential for infidelity in the bud, just by acknowledging that everyone wants to fuck people other than the person they’re with? Everyone wants to fuck other people every day all day long all the time forever and ever. It’s a thing. We’re not hardwired to, once we’re in a monogamous relationship, never look at or think about or fantasize about or drool over another human being again. Just the opposite. Many of us want committed partners, long term companions, regular sex from the same person, and one primary relationship that will provide a great deal of emotional and mental support, physical and sexual intimacy, someone who will raise children with us, share domestic work, share financial responsibility, and bring us some fucking neo-citron when we’re sick. But along with that desire, most of us also desire newness, excitement, a little strange. None of which we can expect from our main partner all the time. Sure, we should be able to get SOME newness and excitement from them, but in all honesty, that person does represent a certain amount of stability and security, which doesn’t really go hand in hand with newness.
And yet, we don’t seem to learn from statistics, from basic human biology. We have people spouting out about “cheaters” and “those horrible people who have affairs” and “how dare people not uphold their monogamous commitment”. And yeah, people need to be honest from the beginning of the relationship about what their expectations are and what they know of themselves. So we have the Newt Gingrich’s of the world who spend years lying to their partners and having affairs, then going to them in the hospital and being all, ‘I think we should have an open marriage’. Newsflash douche cart, you can’t just retroactively have an open marriage. That’s not an open marriage. An open marriage is when everyone knows the rules upfront and everyone involved is cool with them. This is what I hate about conservative asshat so-called ‘values’. Most conservatives can’t even measure up to these ridiculous moral standings, and yet they run around preaching and judging others.
1. I hate Newt Gingrich and his ridiculous infidelity.
2. I am so super looking forward to committing infidelity. There’s nothing hotter than knowing I can’t be monogamous to my partner and lying to them that I totally think this is the way to live. Lame.
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