Every once in a while men have an extremely difficult decision to make, and they are forced to Condomplate. It’s never an easy decision, but sometimes we have no choice. To Condomplate means to contemplate whether or not it is necessary to wear a condom with the person you are about to have sex with, or in the sexual act you are about to perform. It’s one of the most trying dilemmas men ever face.
Now, as our avid readers already know, we at orgasm.com rarely ever recommend actually wearing a condom. But, once in a while, it’s a necessary thing in order to avoid some seriously nasty STD’s that would cripple your sex life for good.
So, in the interest of fairness and promoting sexual education, I have decided to provide a list of potential scenarios where you need to condomplate, and finally decide to put on a condom.
1. The girl lying on the bed in front of you opens her legs and says, “My name is Leanne, what’s yours?”
2. You’re about to jump into bed with the most popular girl in your College. It rarely happens unless you’re a total stud, but if you’re lucky enough to pick her up, just remember that she’s popular for a reason. Wrap that shit up!
3. While making out with the girl in question, she stops suddenly, starts giggling, and says, “Every single one of your friends kisses the exact same way! OMG! It’s sooo weird.”
4. You’re paying for it.
5. She’s paying for it.
6. You’re only 2 dates in and the girl in question has already mentioned her deep desire to bear children some day.
7. She asked you not to kiss her on the mouth because she just got over a really bad cold sore.
8. You get that strange feeling that you’ve seen her on TV somewhere before. Chances are you’re wrong. It was probably the internet. And it was probably porn.
9. If, at any point throughout the night, she mentioned a recent trip to the clinic in passing.
10. She’s at least 5 points out of your league. Chances are if you managed to pick up a girl that is way hotter than yourself, she’s most likely a little bit of a slut. Not that there is anything wrong with it, but it does increase your need to wear a condom. And possibly a cock bib as well, depending on how hot she is.
11. Your drunk, and about to unzip your pants and start fucking, when you suddenly have a moment of sobriety and look around you, realizing you’re in a strip club.
12. You’re on vacation in The Dominican.
13. She’s Catholic.
14. There is more than one woman.
15. She wasn’t wearing any panties beneath her skirt.
As long as your situation doesn’t resemble any of the scenarios listed above, you should be totally fine to ride it bareback. If not, wrap it up.
1. The last time I had to condomplate using protection was coincidentally the last time I ever stepped foot in a strip club.
2. One time Steve forgot to Condomplate in College. Now he’s a father and works at Walmart.
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