A Circle Jerk is defined as a group of men who are masturbating at the same time. For it to be an authentic circle jerk, the guys should arrange themselves into a circle. This sort of group masturbation activity is often accompanied with a competitive aspect involved, where the first person to cum is the winner, and the last person to cum is the loser.
I would argue that they’re all acting like losers, but that’s a different argument.
I’ve never been in or wanted to participate in a circle jerk, so I had to do some research on the internet to find out about how this activity could possibly be considered fun. Don’t get me wrong – I love masturbating. In fact, I’m masturbating right now to a nasty Sasha Grey video (I can type with one hand). But I’ve never felt the need to do it with a bunch of dudes in a circle. In fact, the one time I saw a buddy of mine masturbating under the covers at camp, it almost made me sick.
Anyway, it turns out this is usually an activity enjoyed by adolescents. When I was an adolescent, it never took me more than a minute to cum when I masturbated, and if I was really horny, it wouldn’t take me more than twenty seconds. I would have won most of the circle jerks back then for sure. Well, maybe not if I was surrounded by my friends spanking their meat. I’d close my eyes and think about Elle Macpherson if that wasn’t against the rules.
But apparently there is a variation to the circle jerk called the “soggy biscuit”. In the soggy biscuit, all the guys that cum in a circle jerk spray their loads onto a cracker or biscuit. The last guy to cum has to eat the soggy biscuit as a punishment for finishing last. For guys into snowballing, I guess it wouldn’t be so bad. The cracker is meant to be salty anyway, right?
I suppose there are some benefits to the circle jerk. You’d get to see all your buddies’ masturbation techniques, and pick up new styles to try. I remember talking to my friends about their masturbation techniques, and learning about “the stranger” and “the two-finger method”. The stranger is when you sit on your hand until it falls asleep and then masturbate with it, so it seems like it’s someone else’s hand. The two-finger method is when you hook your index and middle finger and rub it up and down over just the head of your penis. After hearing about them, I immediately incorporated them into my five-times-a-day habit I had going when I was seventeen.
1. All the guys from Sesame Street put a hundred dollars in the pot and had a winner-takes-all circle jerk. Oscar managed to cum first, and he rubbed it in everyone’s face. Not literally.
2. My favorite band is A Perfect Circle Jerk.
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