Archive for the ‘Free Porn’ Category

Top 5 Blow Job Mistakes

Thursday, November 11th, 2010

When it comes to blow jobs, men are likely to bypass a few occasional mishaps in order to spare their partners from either, a) embarrassment, or b) stopping altogether – though mostly the later. Now, before you jump the gun and label yourself a pro at the art of felattio, read on for a list of the top five mistakes women commit when going down.

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1. Succumbing To Your Gagging Impulses – Despite what free porn videos depict, gagging during a blow job is less than attractive. Not only does it make it seem as if you can’t take the heat, but we can’t help but worry that you might just easily puke all over our junk. Not a pretty sight. If you’re a newbie, don’t try to take it in all in at once. Ease your way into it and be aware of your boundaries.

2. Ignoring His Jewels – I understand that balls are not exactly the most attractive thing in the world, but don’t underestimate just how important they are when performing a blowjob. Now, don’t think that you can toss them around like a pair of golf balls. Being gentle is key.

3. Vary The Pressure – When it comes to felattio, slow and steady does not win the race. Play around with different pressures and speeds in order to keep things interesting. Try taking things slow if he’s on the verge of an orgasm and he’ll be begging you for more.

4. Using Your Teeth – While being too gentle is not a good thing, don’t resort to using your teeth when trying to play rough. Not only do you run the risk of cutting through his skin, but he will never want you to go down on him again. You might as well be wearing braces.

5. Acting Like You Can’t Be Bothered – If you don’t feel like giving head, don’t even try. Nothing is more of a turnoff than a girl who looks bored with a penis in her mouth. To make him feel like a king, show him that you’re loving every minute by touching other parts of his body and looking into his eyes every once in awhile.

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When Sex Gets Awkward

Thursday, November 11th, 2010

We all know that sex doesn’t happen like it does in all of those free porn videos that we watch online. It’s never perfect, and more times than not, there is something that goes wrong. If you do encounter a night of perfect sex than props to you, but the majority of times, something happens that makes the situation a little less magical, and a tad bit awkward.

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If she hasn’t made a single sound since you started- what do you do?

1. First you must check to see if she is still awake. If she is sleeping or passed out, you can just pretend to roll over and pass out as well. Whatever you do, DO NOT fuck her without her knowing it. That’s pretty much rape and you could probably be thrown in jail for that.

2. Say her name and make some noises yourself. Hopefully this will make her feel more comfortable and speak up.

3. If it’s still not working, bite her subtlety so she has to make a sound. If she still doesn’t, then she must be in some sort of hypnotic trance.

If you start your period in the middle of fucking-what do you do ladies?

1. “Im so glad my first time was with you!” Make a joke out of it and it will take the pressure off.

2. Clean it up. If his sheets are messy, offer to wash them.

3. If your still horny you could ask him if he wants to continue. But the choice would be totally up to him.

She’s as dry as a dessert-what do you do?

1. If you have lube, use it! There’s no shame in suggesting she need some extra moisture.

2. No lube? Saliva works just as good, and it’s a lot hotter to use.

3. If it’s still dry and hurting her, or you, stop. Try resorting to oral for the time being until you can get some lube on hand.

Don’t freight over awkward situations that happen during sex because, trust me, we all have them. Even the best porn stars say they have had some pretty embarrassing moments so shake it off and try it again.

10 Thing You Should Know About Sex

Wednesday, November 10th, 2010

Of course you probably think you know everything there is to know about sex. You’ve watched countless amounts of free porn, you’ve had over 50 partners, and you’ve done the dirty deed in places we could only imagine, but that doesn’t mean your a registered sexpert. There’s always room for a little extra know-how when it comes to the sex department.

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1. Anyone can get an STD, and I mean anyone. You should always wear a condom and you should know the right way to put it on or else your chances of waking up with a bad case of herpes will be a lot greater.

2. Pregnancy prevention requires a lot more thought and effort. Just because you pull out before you cum doesn’t mean that you girl wont get pregnant. There’s such things a pre cum that are just as good when it comes to knocking a girl up.

3. Sex and alcohol can have a bad outcome. Sure, when we’re drunk we get really horny, and so do chicks so it’s the perfect equation. But when you’re drunk, you’re also allot shittier at making good decisions which can lead to some pretty bad outcomes. You decide not to wear a condom, bam, you’re gonna be a daddy! Congratulations!

4. Choosing the chick you’re going to have sex with shouldn’t be so easy. You should be picky when it comes to sex partners. Don’t go out and fuck every ugly chick on campus simply because it’s just a bad idea.

5. It takes skills to please a woman. A chick’s body is even a mystery to most of them, therefore it’s often very unfamiliar territory for you. You need to do your research before hopping in the sac.

6. Men need to pace themselves. Sure, it would be great if we could just pound away until it was time for us to cum, but it’s not very polite. You should slow down and try and get her to enjoy the experience just as much as you are.

7. Everybody has different sexual needs. There are oat of generalizations about men, but women are different creatures. Any guy would be happy with a blow job, but when it comes to chicks, they each have their own personal preferences. Which brings me to the next point.

8. You have to communicate your desires. If you don’t explain what you like and vice versa, no one is ever going to be satisfied.

9. Sex has emotional impact on guys and girls. Science proves that women become attached to their sex partners more often then men, but guys still have some emotion under all that hair.

10. Sex is a relationship. Doesn’t matter if you only fuck the girl once, there is still a relationship that has been built between the two of you.

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To All The Cunning Linguists

Wednesday, November 10th, 2010

While in a fit of passion, we’ve all been guilty of saying things we didn’t necessarily mean. However, sometimes it’s too late to take things back and we wind up in the good ol’ dog house. In order to avoid falling victim to your own words, read on for a list of the top seven things you should never – ever – say in bed.

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1. Mention Your Family – “Daddy” name-calling aside, bringing up your relatives in the middle of sex is disturbing – to say the very least. Why provide your partner with such a familiar mental picture in the middle of something so private and sexual?

2. Bring Up Your Ex – Perhaps the most common sex-related faux pas, bringing up your ex’s name will get you into a lot more trouble than you think. If you slip up and end up murmuring “John” without realizing it, denial is your best bet.

3. Call Attention To A Medical Condition – Whether you’ve previously contracted an STI or you have a extra toe, it’s never a good idea to bring those up mid-sex. Your partner might just get up and leave, never to be seen again.

4. Anything Involving The Word “Gross” – Sex is not always a pretty sight. When it comes to the naked human body, all sorts of factors could come into play. Sweat, excess hair, and peculiar noises are not necessarily pleasant, but they are certainly common. With that said, if for any reason you utter the word “gross”, consider the spark over and done with.

5. Use Pet Names For Your Penis – At the end of the day, a penis is a penis. Don’t try to impress your significant-other by calling it a shlong, a ding-dong or even worse, give it a personal name like ‘Kyle’. You’re just asking her to share this story with her friends and ensuring that she never sleeps with you again. In which case, bring on the free porn!

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Toilet Sex

Tuesday, November 9th, 2010

According to Spike.com, every man’s favorite go to website for sports, sex, and entertainment news, one of the most sophisticated sex positions out there for men is…wait for it…toilet seat sex.

Now, you’re probably wondering exactly what this means because it could go down many different roads. But, toilet seat sex is exactly what it sounds like; having sex while sitting on the toilet doing your business.

Yes, you heard right. Imagine sitting down on the toilet after a long days work, hoping to release some inner frustrations, when your girl walks into the bathroom and starts fucking you at the same time you’re taking your poop. Talk about killing two birds with one stone!

According to Kelly from spike.com, “the most exciting and interesting ways to have sex is on the toilet. It provides you with the opportunity to do your business while at the same enjoying a pleasurable experience.”

When I thought about this idea long and hard, it really did seem intriguing to me because who doesn’t like taking a shit and having sex? So, I decided to try it out for myself! Though trial and error, I came up with some tips and advice for all you out there who would like to try toilet sex:

First of all, you need to find a nice and comfortable toilet bowl. Sure, there are those ones that you can by for senior citizens who constantly have hemorrhoids and are covered with a thick, spongy, cushion, but that’s kind of weird. I would suggest using a regular toilet seat that has a nice shape to it and conforms to your body.

Next, you need to find a nice, sexy female who would be willing to have sex with you. If you have wives or girlfriends that are not sexually adventurous, then I’m sure they probably wont be into having toilet sex with you, just like they won’t be into free porn.

Once you find your girl, you want her to get into position on top of you like she would normally sit on your lap with her back facing you. You can then stick your dick inside of her. If you really want to be freaky and keep with the common theme, you can stick it in her ass.

What’s great about this position is that all the work is left up to your girl so you can concentrate on doing your business without having to do any work at all!

Some of you might not be interested in this, but don’t knock it until you try it! It can be completely thrilling and arousing, so give it a chance.

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A Penis For Every Pussy

Tuesday, November 9th, 2010

It comes as no surprise that penises come in all shapes and sizes. I still remember my friend recounting the day where, after switching up her sexual partner of seven years, she was shocked to discover that her new beau had a hook-shaped ding-dong. Not the most pleasant of surprises when you’ve been used to a more conventional looking tool. With that in mind, I present you with a list of some of the most popular penis shapes as well as tips on how to ‘make them work’.

Nov. 8 - A Penis For Every Pussy

1. The Thumb – This teeny weeny penis may be small, but its owner will most certainly try to make up for it. His lack of girth will make him take extra steps in pleasing you; so consider investing more of your time in foreplay. Another pro? No lubrication required.

2. The Hook – This unusual pecker is actually more common than you might think. With its characteristic and unexpected sharp turn, its hook shape can actually work wonders for hitting ‘the spot’ – regardless of the direction its facing.

3. The Garden Hose – While still lurking in its natural habitat, ‘the garden hose’ may seem like a standard penis. Once it comes out to play however, it has the capacity to make you gasp in horror upon discovering just how long it really is. The good side is that you won’t have to worry about it not reaching your ‘standards’. The bad side? Certain positions could be more painful than pleasurable.

4. The Washington Monument – Much like the classic tourist hotspot, this penis is wide at the base and tapers to a point. The best part? It only gets better and better as you go along. In this case, the deeper the better.

5. The Trunk – Similar in size to some of your favorite free porn stars – of the male variety, of course – this penis is the biggest of its kind. Long and wide enough to scare just about any sexual partner, it will provide you with sufficient bragging rights to keep them coming back for more.

The Art Of The Daytime Pick Up: Fun In The Sun Can Lead To Fun In The Sack

Monday, November 8th, 2010

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If you’re anything like the average man, you think of sex every seven seconds: have to wash the car, have sex, pick up groceries, sex, get a coffee, sex sex sex. Sure this can be a distraction, but in the mind of the right man it can also have the potential to lead to a satisfying existence infused with a hell of a lot of fucking. So what can the renaissance man of the 21st century do to spice up his days?

First off all, be on the lookout for your window of opportunity. There are specific places that hotties can be found during the day, and we’re not just talking the gym (although the gym is one of the best places to find a fit fox to fuck). Bank tellers, baristas, and secretaries are all positions filled with hot women – and positions where you don’t have to be overly qualified (read: smart) to apply. So, slip your number and a sexy note women in these positions and you could get lucky: there’s a reason a secretary, for example, is the target of free porn videos. It’s because many of them actually do wear thigh high stockings underneath their skirts just in case there’s a big cock on offer.

Despite the fact that you’re looking to get laid, subtlety is underrated. Remember that everyone else is thinking the same thing you are, so if you’re able to outsmart the rest of your gender, you’ll be the one taking home the hottest piece of ass. For example, women hate getting hit on at the gym – so don’t be one of the fools that makes a b-line for the honeys on the elliptical machines. It’s always a better idea to wait in an area close to the gym, perhaps a coffee shop across the street, where you can strike up a conversation naturally. Women hit the gym because they want to get laid – they’re looking to increase their chances by getting fit, and physical activity breeds the desire for more physical activity (read: sex, with you, if you play your cards right), so it’s not hard to get a gym goer into bed once you catch her off guard with conversation.

So, don’t delay. Use some of these tried and true techniques to have your daytime lead to playtime. After all, there’s nothing worse than waiting at a bar all night to pick up while the real studs are home pounding personal trainers because they outmaneuvered you.

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Libraries: The New Place To Bone Up On Your Sexual Prowess?

Sunday, November 7th, 2010

By now you know Old Spice Guy – men want to be him and women want to be with him. If Old Spice Guy has given us anything (and he’s given us a lot), it’s a series of terrific parodies, and one in particular got us thinking about libraries. Sure, everyone’s been to the library to do research or find fake references for a paper, but the library has a lot of unexplored sexual potential: namely, the librarian.

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Librarians have a sex appeal that women in other fields of employment don’t have. Certainly fashion has something to do with this. Librarians dress a lot like stewardesses, making sure their appearance is immaculate and incorporating skirts and stockings into their wardrobe. It’s a feminine discipline, and of course the naughty librarians make sure they’re wearing thigh high stockings in case the right opportunity to speed their legs comes along.

The physicality of librarianship isn’t the only turn on however. Bookish types are quiet and smart with big imaginations – the types of imaginations that can lead to incredible fuck. So, should the library be a go to place to bone up on your sexual prowess? We say: why not? There are certainly worse places for a steamy session than between the book stacks, and your hot local librarian may have some new ideas up her sleeve (or skirt as the case may be).

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So the next time your at the library, make sure to be on the lookout for an opportunity to make a pass at one of the shy girls behind the front desk. We recommend taking out an erotic book to give her the hint, and following that up with friendly conversation. Who knows, maybe it’ll play out like free porn and you’ll get lucky!

An Entry From The Handyman’s Bible: Alternate Uses For Tampons And Maxi Pads

Saturday, November 6th, 2010

It’s a situation every man finds himself in at some point in his life: his girlfriend has left him and also left her tampons and maxi pads in his washroom. The common response to this is to throw the ex’s feminine hygiene products out while cursing her existence. But wait: there are plenty of alternate uses for tampons and maxi pads – both can be valuable around the house, and a true handyman will take advantage of their more dynamic properties. So here are a few situations where vaginal products can be used instead of wasted!

Emergency Coffee Filter: If you’re like us, you’re constantly running out of coffee filters. The next time this happens, break out a maxi pad – it’s essentially a coffee filter that’s a little more absorbent. Trust us, they make a mean cup of java, and coffee grids can’t get through, no matter how finely they’re ground.

Nose bleed: Tampons are made to be absorbent, and blood is their target. Sure, your nose isn’t a sex organ, but a tampon sure comes in handy when you’re bleeding. Forget tilting your head back, nothing will get by a good tampon – they’re deigned to hold a lot more blood back than a bleeding nose will produce!

Dressing for a bullet wound: Ok, we’ll admit that we saw this in an Internet porn movie, and that it IS a little James Bond, but you never know. No one ever plans to get shot. So if someone busts a cap in your ass, you know what to do – plug that fucker up with the most absorbent thing you can find. Tampex it is!

Air Filter: If you’re painting or using noxious chemicals, don’t risk your health – make sure you protect your lungs by filtering the chemicals. If you don’t have any spare masks, maxi pads will do the trick. Just strap one over your mouth with elastic bands and voila! Instant protection.

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A Case Of The ‘Slut Face’

Tuesday, November 2nd, 2010

Sometimes, it’s not just about looking good. Our expressions, as much as we’d like to think otherwise, can often serve as good indications to whether or not we are attractive in the eyes of others. Take the popular ‘slut face’, for example. The ever-so-subtle blank yet determined look that both confuses and attracts the opposite sex.

There’s something to be said about girls with ‘slut faces’. One look at them and you’ll start to wonder whether, if pressed, she’d just walk straight over you and go about her way. After all, that’s the type of attitude they’re portraying, one that is both empty and aggressive. A case of no apologies. However, one must wonder: is the ‘slut face’ something that could actually determine one’s sexual activity?

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If you ask me, regardless of the way someone dresses, or what facial expressions they give off, nothing is set in stone – therefore, it’s impossible to really know how many sexual partners one has solely based on those factors. And while it could certainly give off a few indicatives, it is certainly not a dead giveaway.

Next time you come across a woman with a case of the “slut face”, consider the fact that perhaps she’s just using her outer shell as a means of protection. Who knows, maybe despite her slutty appearance, she’s a wholesome librarian with good values and a modest sex life. But then again, she could be a man eating whore whose into free porn. Like they say, don’t judge a book by its cover.