Posts Tagged ‘vaginal’

An Entry From The Handyman’s Bible: Alternate Uses For Tampons And Maxi Pads

Saturday, November 6th, 2010

It’s a situation every man finds himself in at some point in his life: his girlfriend has left him and also left her tampons and maxi pads in his washroom. The common response to this is to throw the ex’s feminine hygiene products out while cursing her existence. But wait: there are plenty of alternate uses for tampons and maxi pads – both can be valuable around the house, and a true handyman will take advantage of their more dynamic properties. So here are a few situations where vaginal products can be used instead of wasted!

Emergency Coffee Filter: If you’re like us, you’re constantly running out of coffee filters. The next time this happens, break out a maxi pad – it’s essentially a coffee filter that’s a little more absorbent. Trust us, they make a mean cup of java, and coffee grids can’t get through, no matter how finely they’re ground.

Nose bleed: Tampons are made to be absorbent, and blood is their target. Sure, your nose isn’t a sex organ, but a tampon sure comes in handy when you’re bleeding. Forget tilting your head back, nothing will get by a good tampon – they’re deigned to hold a lot more blood back than a bleeding nose will produce!

Dressing for a bullet wound: Ok, we’ll admit that we saw this in an Internet porn movie, and that it IS a little James Bond, but you never know. No one ever plans to get shot. So if someone busts a cap in your ass, you know what to do – plug that fucker up with the most absorbent thing you can find. Tampex it is!

Air Filter: If you’re painting or using noxious chemicals, don’t risk your health – make sure you protect your lungs by filtering the chemicals. If you don’t have any spare masks, maxi pads will do the trick. Just strap one over your mouth with elastic bands and voila! Instant protection.

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Close Shave

Friday, November 5th, 2010

Michael Rinker rose to his feet and tapped the rim of his wine glass.

“My lovely wife and I would like to thank every one for coming this evening, it has truly been a wonderful party,” he said beaming at Reanne sitting next to him. The five couples joined around them in the high-walled dark panel dinning room lifted their glasses in agreement.

“However the night is still young and we have an unexpected surprise for you.”

“Of course most of you know our live-in, Priscilla,” the man continued, as murmurs rose in the room. “And you know, she has given Reanne and myself many exceptional sexual experiences during these past three years. Reanne and I would very much like to share Priscilla with you tonight.”

“So,” Michael said, putting his glass down and offering his hand to help his wife stand. “…if you would, everyone follow us to the library.”

All ten guests arose from their chairs and followed Reanne and Michael into the adjoining library, where Priscilla stood waiting calmly in the middle of the room in only her bra and panties. Reanne quickly came to her servant’s side.

“Cilla has agreed to this out of her great love for Michael and myself, and of course we feel the same way about her.”

Touching the tall girl’s arm lightly, the hostess continued.

“As is plainly obvious, Priscilla has a most beautiful body, and I’m pretty sure that most of the men are already erect and the women are dampening their panties.”

Titters and wiggling around the room confirmed Reanne’s wide-eyed assumption. Cilla unhooked her bra then, exposing her pert 34c breasts as Michael took up the speech.

“And as beautiful as our sweet little Priscilla is, the most erotic thing about her is her incredibly hirsute vaginal area…which my wife and I have discouraged her to shave since she has been in our employ.”

Reanne knelt and slid Priscilla’s her satin panties down to the young woman’s her ankles. The room was electric with stares, “ohh and ahhs” and shifting as one of the hairiest pussies anyone there had ever seen was revealed.

“And the time has come to shave it,” Reanne and Michael chorused.

Priscilla stepped around the low lit room to what everyone knew was Michael’s most prized possession, his grandfather’s low cherry-red leather reading chair. A towel had been placed on the seat and sitting demurely, the Rinker’s servant spread her legs to expose her furry muff to the partiers who gathered round while Michael came to stand before them, a spray bottle of shaving cream and steady razor in his hand.

“Will the women please reach into their pockets for the sachets my wife handed you when you entered our home this evening.”

Each of the five ladies did as asked.

“The lady with the star drawn under her perfume package is the winner.”

“Oh my,” Barbara Tents said cuddling close to her husband Jack.

“Barbara, Jack” Reanne said as Priscilla squirmed.

The assembled guests looked down at the spread girl under them to see bulging red pussy lips wet and pulsating in that forest of fur. The mistress of the house silently urged Barbara into position and semi semi-circle formed as the wide-eyed Mrs. Tents knelt before Priscilla while Jack Tents went to the girl and began to play with Priscilla’s tits.

“Shave her for us all,” Michael and Reanne chorused while Michael handed his guest the razor and the shaving cream.

Priscilla moaned and opened her legs even wider as Jack tweaked her hard right nipple.

“Don’t worry dear, I’ll be gentle,” Barbara said squirting a foaming dollop of cream into her hand. “We’ll have this cute little wet pussy bald in no time.”

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