The Whale Tail appears when a woman’s G-string or panties rise above her jeans. They are more plentiful than actual whales in the ocean, unfortunately, because as Star Trek 4 tells us, we’re all fucked when they finally do become extinct.
Whale Tails are everywhere thanks to the popularity of low-rise and hip-hugger pants. These are trousers that ladies wear which ride very low on the hips. This is to get sexual attraction from men, who typically like a woman’s ass to be shown off in her pants. When said woman bends over or sits down, the pants ride even lower, and the underwear forms what looks like a whale’s tail. You often get to see whatever tramp stamp said woman has tattooed on her ass or lower back at such times as well.
Whale Tail was the “most creative word” of the year in 2006, according to the American Dialect Society. It narrowly beat out Muffin Top that year. Muffin Tops are when girls with fat stomachs wear tight jeans and short tops so that the fat bulges out, resembling a muffin top. If you have such a body, ladies, for god’s sake – hit the gym.
Whale Tails were popularized when celebrity skanks like Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, and Mariah Carey wore pants which showed off their underwear and were photographed by the press. It is a trend which I fully support because it lets us guys see what kind of underwear a woman is wearing. If they’re fancy or skimpy, it makes us go crazy. Shit, even if they’re granny panties, it’s still kind of hot.
Some law makers don’t like the Whale Tail, and see them as vulgar. That’s why they keep trying to pass the “Baggy Pants” bill in congress. This would make it illegal to show off your underwear or skin below your pants. It was defeated, but then replaced with the “Droopy Drawers” bill. That one passed. In addition most schools ban any pants where the underwear or buttocks is visible. This is just old people trying to keep adolescents from getting all sexually excited. Like they can ever stop that.
This type of fashion is known as “stripper chic”, or the “slut look”. I fully endorse all trends that show off young women’s bodies more and more. Pretty soon all women will wear to the mall will be a couple pasties and a butt plug. And on that day, they’d better stock the men’s room toilet paper, because there’s gonna be a lot of masturbating done.
The whale tail is also the name of the spoiler on the back of the old Porsches. And nothing gets a girl’s pants off quicker than if she sees you driving a Porsche. So it’s all connected.
1. Gary made sure to sit behind the hottest girl in the university the day she wore her low-riders. Her hour-long whale tail made him cum three times during the lecture.
2. Victoria’s whale tail shows off her tattoo of a whale.
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