Click To Enlarge
A Kerb Crawler is a person who drives slowly to view street prostitutes, with the intention of procuring their services. Also spelled “Curb Krawler”. The reason they drive slowly is so they can get a good look at each whore, and choose the one that most suits their needs. For example, if it is a man driving by looking for a young brunette with big tits, even if there are sexy blondes throwing themselves against his car, he will continue driving, waiting for the right girl.
Most prostitutes know that there will be kerb crawlers that will drive along the streets where they stand. Consequently, usually they choose streets that aren’t too busy. That way, the slowing cars won’t impede traffic or cause suspicion. It would be unwise for whores to set up along the Autobahn, where cars can go as fast as they want. If there was a kerb crawler looking for a good time there, he’d no doubt cause a rear-ending (and not the good kind).
The best thing to do if you’re going to go out looking for whores is to get yourself a job as a street sweeper. You know – the guys that go slowly along the side of the street cleaning the gutters and curb. You hop in one of those and you’re expected to go slowly along the curb. That way, if a cop sees you, he’ll think, “Good. My tax dollars at work.” Little will he know that you’re looking out to see which whore is going to take you up her ass in a few minutes.
Kerb crawling is a little dangerous because you’re looking out the side window instead of out the front. If something were to suddenly jut out in front of the car, you wouldn’t be able to react in time. That’s why I recommend you bring along a friend to drive, so you can concentrate on the whore while he concentrates on the road. Safety first! Plus, you would be able to go in the car pool lane on the way home, because your buddy is with you. Get your alibi straight on the car ride home so the wife doesn’t get wise to your whoring.
Even if you have a driver, it’s sometimes difficult to get a good look at the whores that are too far away. You’re usually looking at them at night, so visibility is further reduced. That’s why I’d install a submarine periscope in the roof of my car for closer looks. Make it a night-vision scope in case it’s too dimly lit to see the whore well. That way, you’d be able to see if she’s got a good face, or real tits, or a dick. Last thing you want is to find that dick back at the motel.
Well, maybe not. I can’t speak for you.
1. Hugh Grant was a kerb crawler until he got busted. Even Elizabeth Hurley got boring to him, apparently.
2. Sunday drivers make excellent kerb crawlers.
RELATED TERMS: