While we’re obviously fans of video porn, a recent “lifestyle porn” book has been taking the world by storm. E.L. James’ Fifty Shades of Grey has hit the New York Times’ Bestseller list and is being talked about by everyone from Ellen DeGeneres to your next door neighbor. Seriously, Gladys won’t shut up about it.
Uh oh. The morality police have been at it again. The War on Illegal Pornography (WOIP) group have apparently gotten their panties all in a twist about the discount website Groupon. You see, Groupon recently offered discounted tour coupons for the San Francisco Armory.
By now we’ve all seen bondage. Hell, BDSM is practically mainstream at this point! Maybe we caught ourselves watching Secretary. Maybe we fell down the rabbit hole of watching videos from Fucking Machines. However it happened, bondage is here and we’re interested.
Is the man in charge and the superior sex? Though we have learned better in our modern times thanks to the feminist movement, there are those who take it even further, at least in their fantasies. While male supremacy may have been unseated culturally, it has not been replaced by female supremacy instead — except in the bedrooms of certain kinky lovers seeking free sex thrills or those interested in watching FemDom porn. This field is booming, with many x-rated sites devote to the topic of dominant women having their way with submissive men and submissive women.
Even the federal U.S. government does not want to get itself stuck in the question of what is porn and what is erotica. Legislatures and clergy have been attempting to find a cemented definition in order to prosecute over one word and caution for the other, but in determining if there is a difference between porn movies and erotic films one would have to consider individual taste-what arouses one person, what repels another-and when it comes to porn and taste, things get quite sticky indeed.
There is just no objective way to define really what is sexy. What is absolutely abjectly kinky to one person is downright boring to another. What titillates one person or even a group won’t another. If we can’t really determine what’s good and bad in porn-as we couldn’t ever be able to in any other artistic pursuit-then we can’t say if and when porn movies have or are made with good taste or not.
This is really at the crux of what drives critics crazy about porn. They cannot get anyone to agree with them that porn is in bad taste and when you don’t agree with someone proposing a religious-based agenda or a morals cause, then you challenge the very fabric of the world they believe in, and that’s just none so good for the zealot. When you postulate that there is a possibility that like all things, taste in porn movies is a subjective critique at best, then you open the door to the possibility that there might simply be different ways of looking at the world and the more insecure one is about how they look at the world, the more resistant they will be to different ways of looking.
If indeed there is taste in porn or porn of taste then that presupposes that things are subjective and everything is open to interpretation, even in porn movies…and that is just something some people will not allow in their world view!
It is a fact of life that many people have taboo fantasies. There are countless women out there with a craving for extreme rough sex, just as men out there want to give it to them. The porn industry is booming all over, but nowhere so much as where it deals with darker and taboo fantasies. Kinky sex videos are everywhere, letting us watch men and women beaten, bound, and brutally fucked. There are even instructional films coming out now to show one how to have better rough sex, and how it win the hearts of kinky lovers everywhere by doing it.
Why would we want to watch porn stars forcing themselves on someone else? Why would a woman have a fantasy of being raped? These things may seem perplexing until we realize that much of sexual arousal is based on symbolism. While a real brutal assault might leave someone scarred for life from the trauma it causes, the roleplay or fantasy is another thing entirely. When someone fantasized about being raped, what they are really imagining is that someone wants them so terribly much that they will stop at nothing to have their way. It isn’t really about violence — we’re not watching a real assault in any adult video after all — but about desire so strong it will overcome anything. In a society where women are taught that their desires are shameful, having what they secretly want forced on them seems like a natural outcome.
Taking it a step further we find those who fantasize about being abducted and turned into sex slaves. This forces the fantasy woman into a lifestyle of liscentious ease, where they need only lay back and be pleasured by the universe and have it come to them. THis fantasy has been around as long as humans have been fantasizing, it seems, and it is no wonder it has made its way into free porn as well.
One of the biggest discussions among those who read sexy novels is the difference between alpha males and Dominant men. For those who do not read kinky romance novels, the difference is often misunderstood and confused. Some women see the overbearing dominant male as sexists, crude and downright useless.
Others crave his powerful sexual appeal. It’s raw, it’s exciting and it’s arousing when the man comes in swinging his cock as though it were the biggest dick his mate or partner has ever seen. The thrill can be exhilarating for a woman who loves the ultra-dominant act. But for many women, that action stops at the bedroom and in the real world she is his equal.
Both men have to take charge of situations. Both men feel the need to control and the underlying reasons behind this need for control is generally the same. A belief that his way can guide his heroine into safety feeds his need to be a leader.
Often times both men will be in powerful positions either as corporate CEOs or highly trained military experts, these men are used to getting their way. The alpha male will continue that power trip at home while the Dominant male will use it as a role in the bedroom for sexual arousal that has been negotiated upon beforehand.
In the real life bedroom similarities exist too. Whether he’s using ropes and handcuffs, spankings and scarves, or just good old fashion strength to make his point, he’s still on top. His goal is pretty much the same, drag something from the woman that she wants to give but doesn’t know how. She’s generally afraid to ask and that fear is often masked as stubbornness or anger. Sometimes it’s blatant fear. In erotic romance novels, sex is used as a weapon to uncover the key issue and develop the plot as well as draw out the conflict.
His ability to see past her defenses as an alpha male or Dominant is what spurs him on to guiding her. It’s not until he’s learned to grow through the plot that he realizes he’s guiding her as she’s guiding him, but that’s another article. In the end, the two types of men are really one and the same. Labels are just for publisher and reader convenience as they help readers define the characters for the appropriate markets.
BDSM parties are a great way to meet other kinky people who are looking for fun. People can search adult personals, but it’s not always easy to find other kinky people to play with because a lot of people don’t advertise that they’re into BDSM even on . Some people get worried that someone they know may see them, and they worry that it could hurt their job or cause problems in their personal life in some way. It is a valid concern, because a lot of mainstream people tend to judge others negatively for the private things that go on in their bedrooms. It doesn’t make any sense because having an enjoyable sex life doesn’t mean that a person has no morals, and it doesn’t mean that they’re a bad person. Liking something different doesn’t make them bad people, it only makes them different. Unfortunately some people don’t see it that way.
Looking for other adults on kinky dating sites or through kinky personals at least ensures that most people on the site are actually kinky. It doesn’t necessarily guarantee how kinky or if they’re really into BDSM, but it’s a start. Of course there are some curious vanilla people that stumble across these types of sites and put up ads and profiles, but they are in the minority, and they either develop a true interest in being kinky or they get freaked out and take their ad down. Either way, they usually don’t really cause any trouble. They want information and possibly to seriously consider whether their deepest darkest fantasies are actually something that they want to try in real life.
Parties and get-togethers are great ways to meet people because the majority of the time the people that are there already are aware of the fact that they’re kinky and they’re okay with it. They’re pretty clear about what they like and they’re comfortable with themselves. It can save a lot of aggravation to meet people that way and not have to take the chance of bringing up BDSM to someone that might not be entirely comfortable talking about it. Even when vanilla people seem open minded they can sometimes see kink as deviant sexual behavior, and it can freak them out.
There are a few fetishes that make people feel a little bit squeamish because they’re a little edgy or seem kind of gross to some people. Kinky people usually try very hard to respected each other and not judge someone’s else’s kink, but sometimes when something seems really disturbing it can be a little bit difficult to be open-minded. One thing to remember is that there are people that would find our kink disturbing, even if it seems like a rather mild kink to us. There is always someone more vanilla or more mainstream who may judge us because what we like may seem extreme to them. When we remember that, it can sometimes make it easier for us to treat other people with respect and be less judgmental toward other people, especially when we stop and remember how it makes us feel when it happens to us.
The good thing is that mainstream vanilla people seem to be getting more accepting of kink, fetish and alternative lifestyles. It’s becoming more visible, and not always in a bad way. There are still crime shows where someone gets killed and further investigation ends up showing that it was either a murder in a dungeon or an accident in a dungeon and the show goes on to examine the slimy underbelly of society that is BDSM clubs, or at least that’s how the vanilla writers like to portray the kink community. There are other outlets though, like music videos by various artists that clearly show BDSM as attractive and sexy. Mainstream vanilla people may not be getting more accepting of BDSM, but they are at least probably getting a little bit desensitized to it. That’s not an entirely bad thing. If they see something kinky and don’t bat an eyelash over it, they will probably leave kinky people alone a little bit more and accept kink as some normal part of life for some people and not a bad or dangerous thing.
While most kinky people really don’t want any vanilla people nosing about in their business, most would also agree that it wouldn’t hurt for the BDSM crowd to be more accepted and less judged by people who live a more mainstream lifestyle. That what most people in the world want; to be accepted for who they are and not judged.
Temperature play as a form of erotic stimulation is a dangerous yet exceptionally fun fetish for a number of kinky players. Temperature play involves using substances and objects to stimulate the body’s neuroreceptors for heat and cold for sensual effect.
Substances include oil, water, alcohol, molten wax and chocolate syrup. The last one is a favorite among novice players and those who are kinky but not fetish oriented. It’s widely available and relatively tasty compared to some of the flavored oils, carries none of the dangers of alcohol or molten wax and can be easily cleaned up.
Objects for temperature play include metal sharps, such as knives, dildos, chains, necklaces and other things that can be submerged in water or frozen with rapid results.
Light bondage and blindfolds-aka sensory deprivation-can enhance the experience as the body shuts down those resources and diverts energy into the direct stimuli.
Typical fire play involves setting something with 50-70% rubbing alcohol on fire, than applying it on or over the skin. Scarring can occur if negotiated and allowed by both parties. Skill here is imperative so ensure the safety of both parties.
Wax is often used as a tool in temperature play because it’s easy to vary the level of pain or intensity of heat involved. Simply by holding dripping wax farther up from the skin, or closer to the body can one induce longer sensations.
Proper precautions for this type of sexual stimulation include water, cotton swabs, bandages and band aids, gauze, as any typical first aid kit should include. If bondage of any sort is involved, then sharp scissors should be included in the event that something goes wrong.
Several well-written articles have been published at various sites online such as The Frugal Domme, Wikipedia and there are a number of BDSM resources for those looking to explore temperature play.
Ice play is the opposite extreme from fire play. Using ice cubes, ice shaped dildos and other methods of freezing water into hardened substances; the body is exposed to cold temperatures. This form of stimulation often produces arousal in women when rubbing ice cubes across or around their nipples. Dangers include frostbite if the objects are too cold or left in place for too long. The danger point is way before what seems like a real problem, so monitoring a partner’s body and observing closely are good ideas.