Normally, the YMCA is just a place where homeless men go to shower, and douche bags who want big muscles go to workout because they’re bound to be the biggest guy in the gym. Real men never workout at the YMCA. In Australia, the YMCA has an entirely different meaning. YMCA is a slang term used for the female vagina, rather than a place where Hobos masturbate in hot showers as they fantasize about the last vagina they saw.
No one is quite sure where the term came from, or how it became a slang word for pussy, but things have always been a little backward in Australia. What does the YMCA have to do with a vagina? Why not call it a “Boomerang flesh wound” instead? Or perhaps a “Koala Cut?” At least those make sense for Australians. Troubled by the strange use of the term, I finally asked my Australian friend why YMCA means vagina. He let me in on a clever little secret, saying it’s an acronym for “Yoni Minge Cunt Anus.” Satisfied with the first three terms and their relation to the female genitalia, I asked why they included the word Anus, since it’s not part of the vagina. He told me that Australian men are wishful thinkers, and that just because a woman doesn’t want to “play ball,” doesn’t mean it doesn’t fit like a glove. Australians are really fucking weird.
Strangely enough, the origin of the YMCA has very little to do with vaginas, at least in North America. When it was founded, it was said to be a place for educating and caring for youth between the ages of three and eighteen. Founded by 12 staunchly Christian men, the organization claimed to be bringing up youth to be moralistic, respectful, and caring citizens. Of course, like any organization involving young boys and old Christian men, it eventually turned into some strange, seedy combination of Pee Wee Herman’s playhouse, and the secret sex dungeon behind the Pope’s master bedroom. What started off as moral lessons in wooden desks and classrooms, soon turned into too-close-for-comfort hygiene lessons in communal showers, and nightly inspections for bed bugs and the ‘sinful nocturnal emissions,’ as they called it.
In the LGTB community, the YMCA simply refers to any building where gays and lesbians frequently gather, even if there isn’t anything sexual going on. It’s the Starbucks of small hick towns, or the drama club of the average North American high school. A little known fact about the YMCA is that in the gay community it is actually an acronym. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what it stands for: Young Men Craving Ass.
1. When I went to teachers college in Australia, I kept telling my students I wanted to get a membership to the YMCA. It wasn’t long before I was arrested for sexual harassment, and soliciting minors.
2. When I first met Steve and Larry, they kept saying they went to the YMCA 6 nights a week. I couldn’t understand why they weren’t absolutely ripped, until I saw them drinking cappuccinos at Starbucks and flirting with the Barista.
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