Yankee Heaven, known specifically as Paris, France, is a magical world where overweight American business men and douche bag backpackers can somehow get laid by the most beautiful French babes around. Whether that Yankee is checking into a 5 star hotel and hanging his suit in the closet, or letting his dashiki hang dry out the window of a cockroach-invested hostel as he rubs his calloused feet with hemp seed oil, chances are he’ll be getting laid that night.
Paris, France is the Japan or South Korea of Europe, a place where a man is judged by the colour of his pearly white skin and his appetite for spending cash. French girls, just like Asian babes, swoon over these Americans for no other reason except that they are American. In fact, I highly recommend hosting the next bachelor party for one of your buddies in Paris. By the third drink he’ll be calling his fiancée back home, dumping her, and living out the rest of his years drinking red wine, smoking cheap cigarettes, and stuffing his face full of ‘pain oau chocolat’ in between mouthfuls of freshly shaven French pussy.
1. Last time I took a trip to Yankee Heaven I came home with HPV, Herpes, Gonorrhea, and the biggest smile on my face ever.
2. In grade 12, our history teacher took us to France for a field trip to learn about World War II. When we got to Paris, he stepped into a café and we never saw him again. It took us three weeks to scrounge up enough money to get home, but at least all the boys lost their virginity while we were there.
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