Yeast Infections are something that most men would rather not know exist, let alone find out they can happen to them too. Everyone over the age of sixteen already knows what a yeast infection is, which is a temporary infection of the vagina that is usually caused by too much bacteria in the genitals, and is quickly treated by topical cream or various home remedies.
However, a lot of men don’t actually know what a yeast infection looks like, mostly because women typically have the decency and common sense to hide those types of things from us. But, in the interest of knowledge, probably the best possible way to describe the visual image of a yeast infection is as follows:
Imagine a woman masturbating with a roll of frozen cookie dough until they are at the point of a wet, juicy orgasm. Then, she neglects to shower for three or four days. It starts to itch a little bit, so she decides to dump an entire container of cottage cheese on her vag to create a cooling effect. She lets it percolate for a few hours inside her underwear, but still the itch is there. It hasn’t had the cooling effect she had anticipated. Suddenly, she realized that she misread her hippy sister’s home remedy for vaginal itch. It’s not cottage cheese that soothes it; the recipe actually calls for yoghurt, the plain, sugarless kind. So, she goes to the fridge, stuffs her minge inside a tub of Probiotic yoghurt, and goes off to bed.
Now, after a 12 hour sleep beneath two comforters and a duvet, she wakes up in a sweated heat and takes off her panties. Well, gentlemen, that pile of white, frothy compost you’re probably picturing in your mind right now, is roughly what the average yeast infection looks like. It’s like the marshmallow man ejaculated all over a Furby’s face, then rubbed on a little Vaseline to make it stick better.
For anyone wanting to know the symptoms of yeast infections, they include irritation, itching, burning during sex or urination, and most notably a frothy, gelatin-like oozing from inside the vagina. It’s a simple thing to treat, so long as the woman bathes regularly and goes to see a doctor for an ointment, but when you actually see your first yeast infection its hard to believe that anything could cure that.
As for causes, yeast infections are usually caused by eating way too much sugar, improper vaginal hygiene, or fucking the local baker after his night shift without using a condom or letting him shower first. Similarly, if a woman uses a rolling pin, cheese knife, or baguette to masturbate, she’s got a really good chance of getting a yeast infection.
1. Whenever my sister had a yeast infection, I could always tell. Her room smelled like a cheese shop and she walked like a woman with MS.
2. I’ll go down on a girl with a hairy bush, and I’ll even put on my red wings from time to time, but the one thing I draw the line at is yeast infections. I won’t put my mouth any where near something that smells and looks like cottage cheese.
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