Uptown girl is not a compliment, no matter what country you live in. With this term, we’ll give you a little geography/tourism lesson, so you can completely understand the term and all its possible meanings and interpretations.
In Canada, an uptown girl has two meanings. One, it can refer to a girl who is similar to an x-legged woman, only she’ll allow you to make out with her, play with and suck on her gorgeous little tits, but she won’t let you go anywhere south of her breasts. No matter how hard you try, you’ll be left playing with her fun bags all night long, to the point where you get so bored you start to fantasize about her Mother while you’re biting her nipples, just so you can stay hard.
In America, an uptown girl is one of those rich, snobby bitches who like to go slumming with poor construction workers and tradesmen. They’ll walk into a blue-collar pub with their nose stuck in the air and their Prada purse clutched protectively under their arm, and ask the bartender for directions to the nearest shopping mall. Every guy in there ignores her, because they assume as always that she’s way out of their league. But, before you know it, some lucky bastard is in the back of her Daddy’s Lexus getting blown by a girl who will some day own that shitty company he currently works for. The best thing about American uptown girls is that they love sucking cock, and they’re extremely domineering and bossy in bed, like the rest of their life.
In Germany, an uptown girl is a hooker who looks like a gorgeous woman, but actually has a gigantic, hairy cock inside her thong, while in Brazil, an uptown girl is a woman who only shaves her arm pits and moustache, but never ventures below her waist with a razor in her entire life.
In Sweden, an uptown girl is a woman who NEVER asks a man to wear a condom, even though she refuses to take the pill. The term comes from the fact that she prefers abortion clinics as her method of birth control, and can frequently be seen heading up town to the sketchy looking clinic behind the bowling alley where all the Christians throw eggs and protest on weekday mornings when normal, productive members of society are at work.
Finally, in Japan and South Korea, an uptown girl is a woman who lets you fuck her anally, try out every single fucked up fetish you could ever think of, including ball stomping and squid fetishes, yet for some reason they will never, ever, go downtown. No matter how kinky things get, the one thing that girl won’t do is give you a blowjob.
1. Whenever I was in high school I always dated uptown girls. It took me years to realize that every high school girl is an uptown girl, because if they aren’t, then they’re just known as a slut.
2. When I took a summer vacation in Sweden, I slept with so many uptown girls that I ended up going to the clinic with her to get a refill on my Herpes cream.
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