An ex-hole is your asshole ex-husband, ex-boyfriend or just plain ex. A phrase used to refer to that person you used to date that you can’t stand. Everyone’s got one. If you’re lucky, the reasons why you can’t stand that person slowly fade from your mind and you begin to see them as human again. After several months or maybe even several years you realize that, while they may have done some assholery things to you, they probably gave you some gems as well and you’re a better person from having lived and learned that relationship and you can send a kiss through air mail to that person and retire them from the ex-hole category. That’s if you’re lucky.
If you’re not and you happen to be prone to bitterness, martyrdom, and self-pity, you will likely call your ex an ex-hole forever, or at least for much longer than the average person. We get it, okay. He ruined your life. She stole your favourite watch and now pretends she lost it. He brought a prostitute home while your aunt was visiting. She smoked so much crack she set fire to the house and you lost everything. He ran over your dog. We know you hate him and despise her and would like to kill him and burn her nipples off. But, just to keep things in a tad bit of perspective, how about asking yourself why you chose this particular dysfunctional person to be in a relationship with in the first place. And once you realized they had a bit more than just the average crazy, why did you continue to stay?
Most people hate their exes for at least a little while. It’s normal and kind of healthy and allows one to begin to bounce back after feeling totally rejected. Most of us have been ex-holes to somebody or other whether we knew it or not. I know for sure of one time when I would’ve been known as an ex-hole, and I’m sure there are more. The thing is, you just have to try your best to act with integrity. If you cheated on him with his twin brother, try to own up to your actions and apologize and understand if your ex never wants to see your ‘ugly, puss-filled, worm-eaten face’ ever again. Probably he’ll come around. Especially once he finds out that his twin brother is actually gay and while you were sucking his cock he was thinking about his best friend. These things have a way of working themselves out.
1. I fucking hate my ex. The second he could, he went after my older sister and then my younger sister. When both of them rejected him, he went for my mother. After my mother banged him, he stole my cat. He’s a total ex-hole.
2. I was an ex-hole to my husband. Luckily he died recently so I can finally stop feeling guilty about my affair with his dad. We’re getting married tomorrow!
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