When I was younger I thought I was really good at going down on girls. Why? Because I had one girlfriend tell me I was good at it. When you’re a freshman in college and your lady tells you that what you’re doing to her downstairs is making her cum like in all those grainy porno clips you used to download with dial up, you might consider yourself the pussy eating king. It turns out I wasn’t. I wasn’t even the pussy eating prince. I was just a guy who thought he was doing it right because one chick told him he was. It wasn’t until three girlfriends later that I learnt how to properly perform cunnilingus. Get ready to get schooled in the art of licking cunt because if you used to be like me in my freshman year of college, you need all the pointers you can get. After the jump things are about to get wet.
Here’s the deal, vaginas are like snowflakes, each one is different. No matter what porno films will have you believe, chicks aren’t built the same and a lot of them don’t cum after four licks. It takes patience my friends, and plenty of it. Here are some tips that will make you a cunnilingus expert.
1. You cannot go down on a dry pussy. It’s akin to a piece of bread and the recipient of your tongue will not find it comfortable. Use your fingers to stimulate the area first. If not you’re going to exhaust all your energy trying to get her wet with your tongue. You don’t want to be down to the two minute warning and realize you’ll need to make a play really quickly.
2. Don’t pull the blankets over your head. Covert operations are for assassination plots on The West Wing. Are you trying to kill Qumari Defense Minister Abdul Sharif or eat some pussy? It gets hot under blankets, stay above the covers when you do some XXX licking.
3. I used to dive right in to the licking but I was told that girls like it when you tease them a little first. Start by tonguing everything but her clit. She’ll lose her mind like Spike Lee at a Knicks game and be begging for you get to the good stuff.
4. You’re about to make your XXX move onto the clit but first you have to isolate the playing field. If it’s level, i.e., there’s no hair then you’re good to go. If her bush looks like Questlove’s afro then you’re going to have to do some digging. Just make sure before you move your tongue into position that you’re not going to choke like Lebron in the 4th quarter on a natty mess of pubic hair.
5. Make the clit your bitch by showing that sucker who’s boss. Pretend the pussy is the other team’s offense and you’re trying to sack the fuck out of their quarterback. It’s a very sensitive area but you can put it in your mouth, flick it around with your tongue. If you get a penalty flag for roughing the passer, so be it.
6. There’s three seconds left and the other team is about to kick a field goal to tie up the game and send it into overtime. Call a time out and ice the kicker. When you notice that your lady is about to cum, remove your mouth from her pussy area and take a quick breather. She will go buck and try and push your head back into her end zone.
7. When you’re done get your team off the field pronto. The clit is very sensitive and needs time to recover after a serious tongue lashing. I also don’t recommend coming up for air and wiping your mouth like you’ve just had a spritz of Gatorade shot into it by a trainer and it’s dripping down your face. Be more gentle about the mouth wiping, some girls can take that the wrong way. Unless you’re going down on a porno star like Melanie Rios then you should probably film it and make a big production of wiping your mouth. And also please send me that XXX porno video. Great. Thanks.
Tags: cunnilingus, Melanie Rios, porno, pussy, XXX