“Nature, that’s why I come up here.” – Will Ferrell as Robert Goulet from Saturday Night Live circa November 2000.
Ah, the great outdoors! You smell the pine trees. You catch a fish from a singing stream. Streams can sing. Trust me. You hike through the wilderness, lucky if you can photograph a deer or some other animal you don’t get to see in the city. You see stars which is another thing you don’t get to see in the city. And after a long day of enjoying nature’s wonderful gifts, you can tell ghost stories by a roaring camp fire and watch some girl on girl action. Here’s Orgasm.com’s simple guide to sex in the woods. Get ready because after the jump, the forest’s never been this sexy.
Hiking can be exhausting and you’ll need to be in top form to have sex afterwards. In order to have enough energy to fuck your partner when you return from the trails, pack some protein bars and plenty of water. You may pass a babbling brook but don’t drink from it. Fish use that as their toilet.
Make sure you bring a blanket because lying buck naked on a pile of twigs can really hurt. Once I have having crazy sex in the woods with this chick and a pinecone ended up in a place it shouldn’t. The poor girl. It was a very long while before she tossed me any of that XXX action again.
The most important thing about having a nice woodsy hump is spraying the shit out of your body with bug spray. Getting a mosquito bite on your nutsack is the worst possible thing that could happen, besides pinecones in places they shouldn’t be.
If it’s too cold, rainy or buggy outside and you really can’t have sex then retire to your cabin and watch some porn videos of the girl on girl variety. Maybe something staring Lezley Zen? If you can’t enjoy nature, you might as well enjoy some porn videos featuring a bisexual hottie.
Tags: girl-on-girl, Lezley Zen, porn videos, Sex, XXX