Zelophilia is one of the best forms of arousal known to man, and if it actually ends up in sexual intercourse, it’s better than the most severe hate fuck around. Particularly popular among Jerry Springer fans, Zelophilia can have a wide variety of context-specific desires.
First of all, we have the standard ‘I want to make you jealous’ type of zelophilia. This usually occurs when a husband or boyfriend has been ignoring his female partner in the bedroom, and she decides to put a little energy back into their sex life by making him jealous. The theory is that if she takes him out to a bar or nightclub and starts allowing extremely attractive men to grind with her or buy her a drink while he’s standing at the bar like a pile of flaccid penis, then he might just start to feel a little bit jealous. Once this jealousy kicks in, his testosterone will start bubbling and he’ll not only become aggressive and ward off all possible threats, but he’ll also start seeing his wife or girlfriend as that hot, sexy little bar slut that he picked up oh so many years ago. Within half an hour, he’ll have her bent over the back of the toilet as some drunk college kids cheer him on from outside the stall.
Another type of Zelophilia occurs when the person is simply turned on by watching other people get jealous. Much like the inbred hicks sitting in the audience of a Jerry Springer episode, these individuals love watching other couples get into fights, or become jealous, while they sit back and watch the whole thing unfold, secretly rubbing themselves off beneath their pants. You’ll quite often see these people standing at the back of the bar watching the dance floor to see if any boyfriends or girlfriends get territorial over their partner, or you’ll catch them masturbating in the bathroom of a couples therapy clinic after listening outside the door as a married duo verbally duke it out over some home wrecker neighbor woman.
Finally, perhaps the most twisted of all, are the wife swappers. These are good looking, sexually virile men who have an absolutely knock-out, bombshell of a wife, but for some reason they no longer find them attractive anymore. As a result, they want to be able to see her through another man’s eyes, so they set up an internet date with a stranger and invite some horny young stud over to fuck his wife while he watches. It’s a strange paradox of emotions at this point, as he’s got a raging hard-on as he watches some younger, more muscular stud penetrate his wife, but at the same time, he’s seething with rage and jealousy too. That, in a nutshell, is what turns him on.
1. Zelophilia is the number one leading cause of all divorces, AND marriage vow renewals, in North America.
2. Jacob used to think he was into Zelophilia because every time another man hit on his girlfriend, he’d get a huge erection. Turns out, he was just gay.
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