While many sex-perts would love to be able to define every one of our reactions, fetishes and moves by our abuses or true motivations, for the most part our sexual mind is made up from some very deep desires and passing needs even we can’t truly decipher. As many people with a brittle self esteem and faulty early sex life clutch to the varieties present in the power struggle of BDSM sex, as they do regular vanilla fucking. Many lesbian women have had hetero relationships that led them to decades of marriage and for every guy out there looking for a homosexual romance, just as many are hetero; and there are no reasons for any of this behavior.
What has come before has made us what we are, but it is more important who we are presently and how we engage our lover and they us. If our sex life brings us pleasure and the person we sleep with is as satiated, we can’t really hold on to the past, abuse or not.
It’s too easy to follow a straight line from a supposed slight or even some terrible tragedy to our actions presently, but the human mind doesn’t work so easily in cause and effect. Simply because someone engages in sex that maybe is seeming harmful doesn’t mean they have been harmed in the past, just as much as a woman courting a rape fantasy doesn’t have to working out a past abuse every time she has sex;then again, maybe she is.
We simply can’t make those assumptions about our partners, even if they offer explanations; who really knows their own mind all that well to explain every single one of their sexual desires?
Our preferences or prejudices, our passing needs or our long-term fetishes all that we are sexually is a conundrum we will not soon fathom, nor will our friends, family or lovers ever truly need to understand if all actions are consensual and fuel the romance morethan slow it down.
From day to day all we can do is follow our whims, hope they might match someone we find in real life or even across some on-line dating site and that we can all find peace in whatever piece we need.