XYZ is a simple abbreviation for the phrase “examine your zipper.” This term could be used for a variety of reasons, usually on men. Perhaps you’re saying it to your buddy because his fly is down and he’s about to go flirt with his life long crush. Or maybe you’re in the back of French class, and you shout it out to your teacher who’s standing at the front of class talking about verb agreement while his white, hairy pubes are jutting out in a pube-hawk while he speaks.
Or, more than likely, you’re on the greyhound and you see a guy sitting next to his girlfriend. They’re hiding down behind the seats getting nice and close, but suddenly he stands up to use the washroom. As he passes by, you notice the giant cum stain splattered all over his zipper from the blowjob he was receiving, so you quietly mutter “XYZ” to give him the hint.
The only time you should NOT give someone the XYZ warning is if you think they were just having zipper sex. It’s usually pretty easy to tell, because the guy has so much dried vagina juice on his crotch that it looks like a bad bleach job in the laundry. If you give zipper sex enthusiasts the XYZ warning, it’s the equivalent of asking a player to wear a condom, or a dominatrix to ‘tone things down.’ It doesn’t go over well.
In the strange fetish world of acne-ridden European high school kids, XYZ has a completely different meaning. It stands for “Extinguish your zits,” and it is usually uttered by some freakishly perverse high school nerd-slut who gets off on popping guys’ pimples. It’s not so much a warning for the guy to squeeze those white heads, as it is a pick-up line from the woman, indicating that she wants it bad. Not surprisingly, in the world of zit fetishes, there is also a cumshot facial equivalent, known as a “looking in the mirror.” It was given the name because every teenager at some point in their life has stood in front of the bathroom mirror, trying desperately to pop that gigantic geyser of a pimple, when all of a sudden it explodes, leaving the mirror looking like a scene from Ghostbusters. Of course, if someone is said to be looking in the mirror, it actually refers to the girl or guy who is on their knees, receiving the load from the acne-ridden playboy they’re seducing. Yes, this is absolutely disgusting. But is it really any worse than a load of semen? At least zit-juice doesn’t come from inside your testicles. Unless, of course, you have a massively ingrown hair. Nerd-sluts go crazy for that shit.
1. When my father passed away, I never realized he was gone until I stood in front of his casket, noticed his fly was undone and whispered “XYZ.” When he didn’t react, it finally sunk in that he was gone.
2. Last time I gave a guy an XYZ warning, he thought I was gay and wanted some zipper sex. I should have realized that he was wearing button fly jeans.
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