Spring is here. Time to get your fuck on in a field! Before you go out and find a chick to reenact what you see in your favorite porno movies, check out our tips for banging in a field.
Not to be confused with our guide to having sex outdoors (which you can check out on this very site!), this is Orgasm.com’s guide to fucking in field. Very different stuff. We’ve put together five tips that will ensure you have a good fuck and don’t get attacked by pissed of farmers.
1. Do you have access to a field? If you don’t, you need to be very careful. A friend of mine was banging this chick in the field behind his parents house and he got chased by a very angry farmer. Why? Well, it was the farmer’s field and he didn’t take to kindly to a bunch of 18 year olds humping on his property. The farmer’s name was Earl Fanny Fart. My friend grew up in one of the Dakotas so that explains that. Anyway, find a field no one owns.
2. Don’t get busy on an athletic field. You might think that screwing your ladyfriend on the football field where you threw the game winning touchdown a zillion years ago in high school is a good idea, but trust me, it’s not. Why? Two words: artificial turf. You’ll throw your ladyfriend a XXX touchdown and you’ll both come up with weird burns and rashes. Find real grass to fuck on.
3. If you have pollen or grass allergies or hay fever, take a pill before you try your hand at what you’ve seen in porno movies where people fuck in a field. And don’t just take your allergy pills when you get to the field, take them 20-30 minutes before you start fucking. Why? The antihistamine will be in your system and you won’t sneeze on your woman while she’s giving you a blow job.
4. Watch out for animals. If you live in a rural area, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Animals are everywhere and they do not take to kindly to people acting out their favorite scene from a XXX clip in the same place where they graze. Why? Cows and horses are docile until you mess with them. They don’t bang in your bedroom, don’t bang in their pasture.
5. Remember that the chick you are banging is not Persia Pele. She is not trained to cum on command, you don’t have a crew with you to light and style your video shoot. Hell, you’re probably not even filming it. You’re just two people getting dirty in a field. Have fun with it! Forget about what they do in the porno movies you watch here at Orgasm and go with the flow.