If one is looking for true sexual excitement one probably would do well to not look to their significant other. The longer we have been sex partners with someone the staler the sex will become. It is simply a fact of life that as we built intimacies with someone, those intimacies are all that keep us consistently fucking them, since the physical delight of being with the same partner over a prolonged period of time simply has to wane.
This is not a fact anyone wants to admit to, it would be the death knell to anything long term, but it is the truth as we are all too aware.
This same Catch-22 exists for kinky sex, even more so.
In order for any man or woman to truly indulge their fetish, explore some BDSM, open themselves up for even the possibility of kinky play with a partner they must trust that partner implicitly. Whether one assumes the role of dom or sub, both people looking to begin the action, role-play, sex games must know they are safe, for the moment, to step slightly far afield of their usual comfort zone. The better one knows one’s kink partner the better a chance for trust and therefore a better scene. But the very fact that we don’t know what a partner might do in a scene, the fact that we might be teased, tortured and trapped by someone who does not know us and they us is exciting, is in fact at the root of the implied danger of all kinky sex scenes and is what drives them.
For lovers who know one another well and play all the time, role-play often masks familiarity and sometimes the addition of another party helps to fuel some danger but in the very best aspects of kink play-trust, long-time partnership, communication-is its very fault.
The true petard of exploring sexual desires that put us on edge, challenge and maybe even frighten us-as most BDSM play does-is that, for the most part, if we are familiar with someone, safe, if they are partners we have played with before, then they are a known quantity and there is very little true excitement that can come when we know a lover well.