Since not much is known about Olivia Saint, other than the fact that many people have jerked off to her movies, I thought it would be a good idea to make stuff up. She was raised by wolves near Devil’s River but grew weary of trapping and killing her own food so in 2000 decided to become a porn star.

Olivia Saint probably took her name from Saint Olivia, the Patron Saint of Music. Since our porn star of the week loves doing anal scenes we’ll call her the Patron Saint of Anal. Oh and she has a pet, a three-eyed turtle. She’s an animal lover. Of course she is, she was raised by wolves.

Unfortunately for us, Olivia Saint has retired from making sex movies. Perhaps she’s gone back to Devil’s River to rejoin her wolf pack? Maybe she’ll cum back to the adult biz when she realizes that when you’re running with the wolves, nobody’s taping your anal scenes. Only time will tell.

According to TMZ, the guy behind the Not The Three Stooges XXX – yes that is the title of the porn parody – is being threatened by Robert Benjamin. Robert Benjamin is the Executive VP and General Council for C3 Entertainment, the outfit that produced the Farrelly Brothers monstrosity that grossed 17 million last weekend. He’s saying that the XXX version is not protected as a parody under the First Amenedment. Whatever that means. You know lawyers, they use tons of lawyer mumbo-jumbo. That’s why I didn’t go to law school, too much mumbo-jumbo for my liking.

What’s the big deal? So Larry, Moe and Curley get the XXX treatment, big whoop. Porn parodies are awesome. There’s always a girl on girl part that comes out of nowhere and the sex is comical. Don’t you want to see Morgan Moon yelling, “Fuck me Moe!” while getting plowed in the ass?

TMZ is reporting that the lawyer representing the porn parody fired back at Benjamin saying that parodies are protected under freedom of speech and then used some other mumbo-jumbo that you hear in courtroom scenes of Law & Order SVU. Benjamin should eat a big slice of E-Coli pie and shut it. There’s no reason to block what could be the funniest sex parody of all time.

The same year that Springsteen headlined the Human Rights Now! tour for Amnesty International, Alanah Rae came into this world. It was 1988 and the Boss had just filed for divorce from his first wife. But this is about a porn star with big tits, not the guy who wrote Cover Me, one of the greatest songs of all time. All right, back to the boobs.

Alanah Rae realized early on that she loved having sex in public. What’s an exhibitionist to do? Make sex movies of course! Before she made her adult film debut in 2008, she tried her hand at stripping but didn’t feel like it was enough to fulfill her need to have people watch her fuck. Makes sense. If you want people to watch you get it on, make sex movies. It’s a no brainer.

This porn star not only has big tits but she loves shoving dicks between them. Bruce Springsteen probably wants to tit fuck the fuck out of Alanah Rae. Who wouldn’t? He probably wants to shoot his thunder load all over her badlands in the secret garden of his hometown. I could do this all day, I’ve got a hungry heart. Anyway, Alanah Rae is a porn star with big tits. Enjoy!

Besides real men needing porn, women need it to. I’ve had more female friends tell me they’re into girl on girl stuff than males. Sure, they think it’s funny because they claim that it never goes down that way but still, they watch porn too. Rick Santorum was pretty vocal about his distaste for the porn industry. Here at Orgasm we were of course, not pleased. Now we’re thrilled that he’s decided to return to Pennsylvania to be crazy and leave sex movies alone.

Will Romney leave the sex movies alone or will he campaign against them? Watching porn as a sexual release is completely healthy. If you don’t watch sex movies, you could die from boner shock. Not cool. People who thumb their noses at sex movies are the same kind of people who believe in the devil. They’re the kind of people that are scared of a little red guy with horns running around with a pitchfork in 110 degree heat. First of all, that’s like a typical Vegas halloween; second, are you kidding me? I’m not knocking those who find comfort in religion, but come on! Watching porn doesn’t make you go to Hell, believing in something as dumb as a little red guy with horns ruling the underworld does. Sorry, END RANT.

Political insiders (i.e., something I read on LAWeekly) are saying that yes, Romney will take up Santorum’s anti-porn position because he doesn’t find Angelina Armani and the rest of the sex movies crew attractive. Idiot. Maybe if he sat down and watched a girl on girl film Romney’d leave the porn industry alone. Here at Orgasm, we can only hope.

The AIDS Healthcare Foundation had been on a year-long mission before the ordinance was passed to ensure that condoms were used on all LA porn sets. However, the adult performers are stinking mad about this because they feel that condoms hinder the shooting process. I don’t get it, man. If I were a porn star and I was shooting a series of sex movies featuring Evanni Soleil I’d be able to perform with a condom on. Actually, I’d probably be able to perform with a condom on if I was making a XXX feature with any adult star, but maybe that’s just me. Porn is cool, what can I say?

Porn industry lobbyist group, The Free Speech Coalition, claims that adult film sales will go down because no one is going to buy condom porn. First of all, why would you pay for porn in the first place? You can get it on Orgasm.com for free. Anyhoo, the XXX performers do get bi-monthly STD tests and some of the women are using other forms of birth control like the pill or whatever else women use. Something about a shot in the arm? I didn’t pay much attention to most of the things my last girlfriend said. She was a real Hindenburg giver and a Steelers fan. Not cool.

The FSC says that the AIDS epidemic in America is not directly related to those who make sex movies and that there is no correlation between the two. Basically, if you’re dumb enough to have unprotected sex, it won’t make a difference if you watch porno flicks where the performers wear condoms or not. But, the porn actors are rallying behind the cause and hope to abolish the ordinance that requires them to wear jimmy-hats. Whatever, as long as they keep making sex movies with latex or no latex, I’m sure the entire male species will be content.

Chasey Lain was born in Cocoa Beach, Florida but grew up in North Carolina. Before becoming the Queen of Sex Movies (a nickname that I hope catches on), she worked as a stripper. It was only a matter of time until our girl decided her tits would be better suited for a career as a porn star.

She made her first adult film in 1991, called Wild At Heart, not to be confused with the David Lynch movie of the same name. The Chasey Lain film has tits in it. Lots of them. She’s done girl on girl, boy/girl scenes, interracial, the whole shebang. She even took at break in 2001 to raise her son. That makes her a MILF now.

Her real name is Tiffany Anne Jones which in my humble opinion also sounds like a porn star name. I’m not knocking the name Chasey Lain, I’m just saying that Tiffany Anne Jones sounds like the name of someone who makes sex movies for a living. No big deal. Anyhoo, Chasey and her tits have been in over 92 fuck films. That dumb band the Bloodhound Gang also made a song about her. It’s kind of funny actually, it’s about some crazy fan that writes her a letter asking to eat her ass. Hilarious. Maybe I’ll go listen to that song now and order a big sausage pizza?

The Indian beauty who was born in Sarnia, Ontario (that’s in Canada, it’s cold), is set to make her acting debut in a big Bollywood production aptly titled Jism 2. I can’t get over that title. I don’t know what it means but like a fifth grader, I’m giggling because it sounds like jizzum. You know, jizz?

Sunny Leone appeared on the show Big Boss, the Indian version of Big Brother. I think? Who knows, I was busy thinking of her tits. What do you want from me? I know this porn star from her sex movies. Jeez. Anyhoo, a producer saw her on the show and cast her in Jizzum – sorry – Jism 2. How aren’t there more sex movies with that title? I don’t get it.

The hottest porn star to come out of Ontario told the India Times that she although she has no plans for future sex movies, she’s not discounting a return to the XXX industry. Thank god. Tell your wieners to relax, boys.

What does this mean for the porn studio? It could spell trouble considering that sex movies aren’t an all-age business and the gaming industry is. How does Steele plan on mixing adult entertainment famous for XXX films staring Rachel Roxxx with the FGC world that itself has been subject to much controversy?

The fighting gaming community is male dominated and recent sexual harassment charges facing some of its key players are now starting to surface. Brazzers may be a porn studio that shows chicks getting ass-fucked in their sex movies until they can’t walk straight, but at least there are no sexual harassment charges.

I’m on the fence about this possible XXX meets fighting partnership. Sex movies are sacred, man. Just because I have Bon Jovi on my iPod doesn’t mean I saw the Slippery When Wet Tour. What I’m trying to say is, Brazzers is a great porn studio but they may be ruining their reputation by sponsoring FGC events and fighters.

Nadya Sulemon had a promising life ahead of her. Just kidding! She probably has borderline personality disorder and needs to be institutionalized. Anyhoo, TMZ is reporting that Octomom was being offered a cool million to appear in sex movies but now her market value has plumeted because she posed topless for $10,000.

Who wants to see those tits? She has 14 kids, eight of which were in the womb at the same time! I don’t want to see Nadya Sulemon’s tits, I want to see Nadia Hilton topless. At least those boobs aren’t attached to a crazy person.

Vivid Entertainment’s  Steve Hirsh offered Octomom million dollar porn offers in 2009, 2010 and as recently as last week. Octomom, turned him down because she felt it demeaned her, until now when she realized she could make a ton of money as a porn star. However, after learning that she had posed topless for $10,000 he rescinded the $1 million offer because he claims her market value has gone down. Instead of having a guy go down on her in various sex movies, she decided to show her tits for $10,000.

Hirsch sent Octomom another offer to star in a XXX adult film on Monday. This time it was only for $100,000. That’s not enough money for a single mother with 14 mouths to feed. Looks like her family’s going to be dining at the Y from now on because mama ruined her future career as a porn star before it even began.

According to reliable news source TMZ, Hazel Jones was approached by Vivid, one of our favorite porn studios to appear in some sex movies. Steve Hirsch, head of Vivid apparently offered Double Pussy Galore $1 million to star in some skin flicks. I don’t know, man. Is the world ready to see that kind of XXX action? This brings double penetration to a whole new level.

The name of Miss Jones’ condition is called uterus didelphys. Sounds like a dinosaur, doesn’t it? I think I saw porn once called “Attack Of The Killer Cervix” wherein a giant uterus didelphys wreaked havoc on a dick. Anyway, the condition occurs when the septum that divides the uterus in development fails to break down and allows the two halves to fuse into one. Gross. I know I should be mature about this, but I can’t even sit through an episode of St. Elsewhere (80s reference!) without cringing. I’m really squeamish. My DJ name would be DJ Gets Nauseous.

Hazel Jones realized there was something different about her when she was 14 after she got her period twice. If I had two dicks, I’d notice that way before I turned 14. Didn’t she go for checkups? How could her doctor not notice that? “Well Hazel, let’s take a look down there. One pussy, wait, two pussies?!?”

I feel for Hazel, but I’m hoping she decides to leave the sex movies to chicks who have one pussy, like Savanna Samson. Double Pussy Galore herself has not formally responded to Vivid’s offer to turn her into a XXX star. However, the Daily Mail reports that she is not interested in becoming a two-pussied porn star.